The Sandwich

THE SANDWICH



Mrs. James: This is the teacher’s lounge where all the cool bitches hang.

Ms. Hubert: Well, thank you for the tour of the school. I can’t wait to start teaching, but I have one question.

Mrs. James: And what would that be?

Ms. Hubert: Why are there so many teachers here this period? Don’t they have to be, you know teaching?

Mrs. James: Yes but all of the main classes are done for the day. It’s mostly just electives now.

Ms. Hubert: Oh well I’d love it if you could introduce me to some of my future co-workers.

Mrs. James: Sure just let me get my lunch first. I’m starving.

(She opens the refrigerator)

Who the f*** ate my turkey and Swiss sandwich?

Ms. Glenduh: Oh, I’m sorry darlin!  Was that yours?

Mrs. James: You knew that was my sandwich Ms. Glenduh gender Benduh.

Ms. Glenduh: Listen bitch. I may be 63 years old but I’m still young enough to put 63 years worth of foot up your ass!

Mrs. James: Whatever, why don’t you go back to the morgue you soggy bitch!

Ms. Deena: Hey! Por favor, dejen de pelear usted putas!

Ms. Mona: It’s called English. Ever heard of it?

Mrs. Addison: F*** off Ms. Mona!

Ms. Mona: I know a bitch did not just step to me! That horrible stench coming from your cheap ass weave must have me hearing things.

Mrs. Addison: Nice to see you too! How is your illegitimate daughter doing? I forget her name. Now I remember now! Little miss morning after pill! If only mommy was half as smart.

Ms. Deena: Oooh chica ella fue hay!

Ms. Mona: Will you leave me alone you horrible little creature!

Mrs. Addison: I said leave her alone!

Ms. Mona: Shove it bitch!

Mrs. Addison: Déjà vu! I remember Mr. Crocket the biology teacher saying the same thing to you last Tuesday.

Mr. Crocket:  Leave me out of this ladies. (He winks at Ms. Mona and mouths “call me”)

Ms. Mona: I am sick of your constant b.s.! Don’t you know that I will freakin end you?!

Mrs. Addison: Bring it bitch!

(Mrs. Addison smashes a bottle of vodka on the table and points the remains at Ms. Mona while Ms. Mona Takes off one of her heels and gets into a battle stance. Then they start swinging at each other.)

Ms. Hubert: Oh my God! Shouldn’t somebody stop them?

Mrs. James: Nah. This school needs some action.

Mrs. Glenduh: AIE AIE AIE AIE AIE AIE!!!!!

(She smashes a vase over Mrs. James’ head and starts beating her with her walker)

Mr. Crocket to some other male teachers in the room: I know exactly what this party needs!

(He grabs the extendable portion of the sink, turns on the water, and sprays everyone.)

WET TEE- SHIRTS!!!!!!!!

Ms. Deena: Sí! Es una fiesta!!!!!!!!!!

(She takes off her top and flashes Mr. Crocket)

Mr. Crocket: Hmm… Those are a five thumbs down but they’re better than Ms. Mona’s!

Ms. Mona: Bitch!

(The final school bell rings and everyone just walks out except for Mrs. James and Ms. Hubert)

Ms. Hubert: I cannot believe what I just saw! And it was all started because of a freakin sandwich!

Mrs. James: Oh! Here’s my sandwich! It was in my bag the whole time!





THE END