The Duct Tape Groove (Second Half)

Noah stood up and dusted himself off. “Well, I think it’s about time for us to be heading out, huh? It’ll be

night time soon, and I’m totally afraid of the dark, so -”
Billie sighed in disbelief, and gestured for Noah to follow her. Under the circumstances, she couldn’t just leave

him here in the streets; if he really was dangerous, someone else might get hurt – or worse, humiliated. Better to keep

him on the leash for now.
“Oh, is that your car?” Noah pointed to the lone car on the side of a nearby restaurant – an old, box-shaped sedan,

its faded blue coat strangely coaxing and sleep-inducing. Billie nodded quickly, and the two of them climbed in. “Kinda

cozy,” he commented as he took shotgun.
Billie jerked her head toward Noah. “W-what are you doing?”
“Sitting down.”
“You don’t sit up here. You’re in the back.”
Rather than start a fight, Noah merely shrugged and re-entered in the back row. “What, you don’t trust me?” he

asked, lying down as if to take a nap.
Billie started the car and began their drive, with the car rumbling gently as it advanced. “Can you blame me?”
“I dunno. Can I?”
“I-I’d like it if you didn’t,” she answered nervously. She was in the car with a sexual deviant – a cause for

concern, if there ever was one. She peered over the rim of her glasses into the rearview mirror; though his eyes had

strayed from her body for the time being, something about his gaze didn’t feel right. He just kept staring out the window,

watching as power lines and short, cobbled buildings rushed past.
And something else. He didn’t have any shoes. No socks, either. Just a pair of darkened soles, peeking from

under ragged, dusty pants – almost like some world-weary traveler. Or hobo.
What if Rob was right? What if Noah had something planned for this town? What if he…
“So, have you reconsidered?” asked Noah, still gazing emptily out the window. “You and me fighting for justice, I

mean.”
“What are you talking about?”
A slim smile etched across Noah’s face. “Don’t be that way. I already told you. Besides, this is your chance to

be a hero – an honorary angel of justice, if you will. Pretty cool, huh?”
Billie scratched her head in frustration – hard to trust a guy when he keeps talking about fighting for justice and being

an angel. “I-I guess it’d be kind of cool,” she said, deciding to play along for now. “So does that make you an angel?”
“Oh ho, you’re pretty perceptive for someone with breasts as big as your head.”
“Th-THAT’S HARASSMENT!” wailed Billie – and she swerved back into her lane before plowing into a truck. As the

screech of burnt rubber died down (and her heart rate falling), she added, “And they’re not that big.”
Noah smiled. The missing buttons on her collared shirt said otherwise...but he decided to keep that to himself.
“B-but anyway…what exactly, uh, makes you an angel?”
Noah turned his head to the driver’s seat. “You don’t believe me?”
“I didn’t say that. I just…you know, I’m curious.”
The “angel” turned back to the window. “Ah, I follow you. You wanna know what makes me different from normal

people. What makes me an angel of justice.” He brushed at his forehead, as if trying to scatter some flower petals on the

wind. “All right. What is it that you’ve always wanted most in the world?”
“Huh? Um…well…”
“C’mon, don’t be shy. You can tell me.”
Billie stopped behind a red light, and immediately fiddled with her fingers. “Well, the truth is…I’m a fan of

wrestling, a-and there used to be this amazing masked wrestler that I loved watching. El Espada – he’s retired now, but

he’s a legend. If I had his mask, I could die a happy woman.”
“Is that right?” For a few moments, Noah closed his eyes as if to drift to sleep – but from Billie’s position, it

felt as if he had entered a trance. “Well, you’d have to do a lot of work to get your hands on something like that…under

normal circumstances, of course.”
“Well sure. You’d need thousands of dollars, for one thing.”
“Probably. And you’d have to convince him to part with it,” added Noah. “But let’s say you track this guy down.

Say you travel to his house, shake his hand, and say you want to buy his mask. He refuses. What do you do?”
“Give up?”
“Wrong. That’s where I come in.” His slim smile stretched into an almost beast-like grin. “It’s my divine

ability – my ‘Angel Tongue’. I can convince anyone to do anything, given enough time; there’s no limit to my persuasive

powers.”
Neither of them said a word for the next three blocks.
“…Ah, so my holy powers have stunned you into submission, I take it? That happens sometimes,” explained Noah.

“Well, you have to believe me, okay?”
Billie didn’t know how to respond; the more she talked to this red-headed troublemaker, the more her own head

started to ache. “I-I guess so,” she admitted at last, keeping up the chara-
“Aha! See? I told you, I can get anyone to do anything!” Noah sat up suddenly, and clapped his hands like a

well-fed monkey. “You didn’t HAVE to believe me, until I said you HAVE to believe me! BEHOLD! My AWESOME POWER at work!”
“That’s not a power!” snapped Billie.
“Oh? Then how about this: back at the police station, there was this police officer, and I told him from now on

his name’s Jeff. And he totally started going by Jeff!” Noah leaned forward in anticipation. “Eh? Eh?”
Billie shook her head in exasperation. She needed an Advil.
“Come on, that’s proof right there! What more do you need?”
“A lot more.”
Frustrated, Noah folded his arms and cocked his head. “Well, whose idea do you think it was for me to be put into

your custody – me, the sexual harasser with the sexual harassee? The scary black man isn’t the only one responsible for

this potentially hilarious team-up.”
Billie made an unusually wide turn, but quickly righted herself. “Rob trusts me,” she answered matter-of-factly.

“And he’s too busy to keep an eye on you.”
“Ah, I sense your faith in me is wavering, my dear.” Noah sighed heavily. “Fine. Then how about this: if I can’t

convince you in twenty-four hours that I’m an angel of justice, then I’ll leave town forever. Sound fair?”
“Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?”
“How naïve! DRAMA is the lifeblood of LIFE!” proclaimed Noah, waving his arms like an inspired preacher. He

pointed deliberately at Billie – or rather, her reflection in the rearview mirror. “And you! You, as a woman of high

status – and heaving bosom – have no choice but to accept my ultimatum! You, o young and fertile maiden, whose beauty

outstrips all! You, chosen by the angels to act as an envoy of justice! We, acting under providence! Take my words to

heart, and –”
No one was there. Billie had left the car ages ago.
“H-hey, what gives? You’re supposed to listen to my monologue from start to finish!” whined Noah.
Billie, with an unusually stoic glare, stood outside the car. She’d parked to the right of a row of apartment complexes,

each building no more than two stories and covered in weathered beige bricks. “I’ll be back for you in a few hours,” she

said, locking the doors. “So don’t leave, okay?”
Noah pressed his face against the window, his eyes watering and his nose leaving clouds of fog with every breath.

“Hold on! You’re leaving me in here? What am I, some kind of dog?”
“Of course not. But I wouldn’t recommend getting out at night,” said Billie. “There are some very mean dogs that

prowl around here at night. They’ve been known to bite people…and they love fingers.” She folded her arms and shuddered.

“Even I’m afraid of them…”
“Aha, I see,” said Noah, folding his arms and nodding sagely. “So this is less of a cage to keep me in, and more

of a cage to keep them out. I follow you.”
“Good. I’m glad we could come to an understandi-”
Noah slapped the window like a frantic schoolgirl. “I wanna come out! I wanna come out!” he wailed. “I wanna

venture into the home of a buxom young lass and play with her bras!”
Billie, flustered, planted a palm into the door, scaring Noah to the opposite end. “S-see? That’s why I don’t

want you coming into my apartment! Because you’re saying stupid things like that!”
“It’s not stupid! It’s scientific inquiry!”
“How is THAT scientific?!”
“I wanna see if they make good parachutes!”
Her fluster giving way to fury, Billie slammed a hand against her door again, and the entire car trembled

fearfully. “You, stay in here for the night!” she commanded. Then, with a frigid stare and a callous scowl she added, “If

you come out even once, I’ll break your scrawny little neck.”
Noah gripped his heart. Had he just been stabbed? With words?!
Billie turned her back on the car, and proceeded up a flight of steel stairs to her room. The moment her full-

figured form vanished from sight, Noah breathed a sigh of relief. Had he gone a bit too far? For a split second, he could

have sworn he’d seen the Grim Reaper standing beside her.
As his heart returned to normal pace, Noah looked around the car – at one point in particular. One of the

passenger doors had a huge obtrusion pressing through its frame, like a pimple of steel. Where did that come from?
And then he realized – that was the same spot Billie had pressed her hand mere minutes ago.
I should watch what I say around her, he reasoned. Suddenly, he formed a wicked smile. Good thing she’s on my side.
Everything was in place. Soon enough, Billie would join his cause.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.”
Rip.
“Up above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky.”
Rip.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.”
Rip.
Noah grinned. “Another masterpiece, completed,” he declared, marveling at his work: he’d spent the last six hours

making crude stars out of duct tape, and patching up the torn upholstery on the back of Billie’s seats. No surprises,

considering the car’s age…but weren’t women supposed to take better care of their things?
He peeked out the window. Night had already fallen heavily on the green fields and quiet burgs of Southtown;

street lamps alight, and buzzing with gnats. Crickets chirped, their black carapaces just barely visible. Dark clouds

drifted above, painting the sky with violet streaks.
Noah looked to Billie’s apartment window. As far as he could tell, his “guardian” had turned in for the night;

she’d already done her duty by giving him a cup of instant noodles to feast on, and even brought him a flashlight in case

he really did fear the dark. But even so, he – as an angel of justice – had to stick to his word. He wouldn’t leave the

car, no matter what.
Especially since those dogs prowled right outside the door.
“Rottweilers,” Noah observed with a sweaty brow. “Rottweilers, and Great Danes, and a pit bull.” He pressed his

face against the glass. “And is that a poodle? My stars…”
The pack pawed at the car for a few moments – then, losing interest (or disappointed they couldn’t make a snack out

of Noah) stalked down the streets. Once again, the angel of justice had been left alone, to contemplate his next move. Or

to reflect on his harassment of sweet young Billie. Or just plain go to sleep.
As expected, he chose none of those.
“Just a city boy! Born and raised in South Detroit! He took the midnight train goin’

aaaaaaaaaaanyyyyyyyyyyywheeeeeeeeere! God, I love that song.” He blinked a few times. “And now I’m bored. Ah, if only

Boingy were here, we could have some true hilarity ensue…hmmmm?”
Noah crept toward the window once again. He could make out a trio of shapes shifting under a distant street lamp –

illuminated for a brief moment, then obscured by darkness. Brightened, then dark. Brightened, then dark.
And coming ever closer.
As they lurked across the parking lot, their true forms stood in clear view: delinquents of the highest caliber.

Faded green trench coats, twisting like war flags; camo pants stuffed into black boots, befitting the street soldiers;

tight black tank tops, barely concealing columns of muscle; and, as the final touch, each of them wore scale-laden masks,

turning each of them into deadly fanged serpents.
Oh boy. These guys look like serious trouble, Noah thought, flipping off his flashlight. Wonder if these guys

have any relation to the police’s woes. Choosing – for once – to act discrete, he dipped his head below the window and

listened cautiously.
“So this is the place, huh?” the tallest of the snake men asked. “Guess that means she’s in that building.”
“Yep. Just gotta nail her, and the boss’ll promote us,” added the shortest. “Piece of cake. We scare her outta

her wits, then we take her with us.”
The center one – and the beefiest, at that – nodded in delight. “It’ll be the perfect crime. We got everything in

place. Especially…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver key. “…Since one of our boys was nice enough to

make this for us.”
Noah stifled a gasp.
“Remember the plan. We keep quiet. Make as little noise as possible. We rush her, knock her out, then make our

getaway. No one will ever know.”
The short one rubbed his mask. “Aw, and here I was hopin’ we’d get to see some action.” He gestured toward the

inside of his coat – and the hefty pistol stashed within. “Hey, if somebody’s on to us, can I shoot ‘im?”
“Hell no! You’d make too much noise!”
Shorty kicked at the asphalt. “Next time for sure…”
“Shut up. Come on, let’s get this done.”
Noah swallowed hard. He knew instinctively who these snake soldiers had in mind – and if she went missing the next

day, then that would put him in even greater trouble than before. No doubt about it.
Guess it’s time for me to make my move.
He unlocked his door and stepped out of the car, standing a healthy eight feet away. “Evening, gentlemen,” he

called out with a friendly wave – which immediately made Shorty point his pistol at Noah’s heart!
“W-what the-!? How long have you been in there?” demanded Lanky.
“Just since this afternoon,” answered Noah, with a perfectly straight face, save for a slight smirk.
Muscles took a step forward. “Don’t move. Hands in the air, now,” he commanded, and Noah complied. “Dammit, this

guy heard everything…we’re gonna have to take care of him, too.”
“Can I shoot him?”
“No!” Anxious and frustrated, Muscles peered into the distance. “We’ll just have to tie him up or something, and

take him back to the boss. He’ll know what to do.”
“D-do you really think so?” asked Lanky.
Noah’s eye roved across the three thugs. Same uniforms…safe to assume that all three of them packed heat, too. And no way

could a bundle of twigs like him beat down even one of the soldiers, much less three.
But then again, he didn’t need to.
“Hey, Shorty,” said Noah, hands still raised. “Point your gun at Lanky there.”
All three thugs jumped in surprise – Shorty, most of all. “You outta your mind? Why the hell would I do that?”
“Because if you don’t, you’re the one who’s gonna die,” answered Noah with a smile. His gaze drifted lazily toward

the tall thug. “He’s a skittish one. Easily rattled, you know what I mean? All it would take is one bad night, and he

might lose it. And if that happens, how long do you think it’d be before you ended up paying for it?”
Lanky trembled, but immediately found his nerve – and, almost instinctively, his hand graced his inner pocket. “I

don’t have to prove anything to you! I’m loyal to the Vipers, you got that? Th-there’s no way I’d ever betray them!”
“Yeah, not on purpose,” continued Noah. “But if something ever went wrong, you’d have to do whatever it took to

protect yourself, right? Especially with a network of delinquents on your back…knowing exactly who you are…knowing just

who was to blame if the ‘Vipers’ ever went down.”
“Th-that’s…” muttered Lanky. “That’s a load of crap and you know it! Come on guys, he’s just trying to get inside

our heads! Let’s knock him out and get this thing done!”
But Noah shook his head. “Careful now. All it would take to screw this up – and for you to show your real colors

– is a nice, loud noise. Maybe a gunshot would do the trick…but wouldn’t it be much cooler if Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop

Believing’ was the song that did you in?” He licked his lips. “I’m a pretty good – and loud – singer. Want me to

demonstrate?”
The Vipers started to move forward –
“Whoa there. One more step, and I start singing. That might get those dogs barking. And those dogs might wake

someone up. Then you’d have to bail…then, explain to the boss why you didn’t get the girl. And that would mean…

punishment.”
Lanky shook his head frantically. “D-don’t! Don’t do it!”
And Noah, against all reason, didn’t. “Well now, looks like somebody’s a nervous Purvis. I bet you’ve got the

eyes of a love struck schoolgirl under that mask – not the eyes of a thug.”
“Sh-shut up! I’ll…I’ll take you down myself, I swear!” His body trembling and his lungs heaving, Lanky pulled out

his gun and aimed right for Noah’s head. “E-even if we screw up this job, we’ll be back tomorrow! You…you can’t stop the

Vipers! We’ll take what we want, a-and then we’ll take you out too!” A heavy, nervous laugh rang from behind the scaly

mask. “What’s one more little smudge on the Vipers’ name? The cops can’t do anything to stop us!”
“Maybe not,” said Noah. “But I know someone who can.” He turned a few hairs to his right.
And sure enough, there stood Shorty.
With his gun pointed at Lanky.
“You need to chill the hell out,” warned Shorty. “Now, get down on your hands and knees and don’t say another

word. And for God’s sakes, put your gun away. Last thing we need is a chicken like you firin’ that thing off by

accident!”
A fierce chill shook Lanky to the bone – but, just as he was told, he got on all fours and stashed his gun.
Muscles folded his arms and shot a glance at Shorty. “I thought I was the one callin’ the shots in this group,” he

snarled.
Suddenly, Noah let loose a sharp laugh. “You, the boss? Why Beefslice, my man, that hardly seems to be the case!

I mean, the fact that you don’t run the Vipers should have been the first clue! And besides, how long do you think this

gang loyalty of yours will last?”
Shorty turned quickly to his leader. Yet Muscles seemed largely unfazed – or rather, just plain annoyed. “You

can’t psyche me out. You get on the ground too – I’ll take care of you myself.”
“Why should I? It’s obvious I’m the one in control,” countered Noah. “In fact, I think YOU should get on the

ground. You too, Shorty. All three of you, back to back, actually…after Shorty kisses Lanky, of course. Because that’d

be hilarious.”
“Wha-”
Noah held up a finger to his lips. “Calm down. If you shout too loud, you might draw some unwanted attention.”
Shorty’s fingers tightened around his gun, but he held his tongue.
“Now then. Let’s all be rational and realistic here – there’s no way for the three of you to get out of this

situation scotch-free. It’s impossible for you to nab the lovely lass now, thanks to me. You can’t stop me. You can’t

escape. And even if you were to get back to base, what would you do? Face an angry boss?”
Noah dropped his arms – with no objection from the mesmerized thugs. “All it takes is one screw-up, and your lives

are over. The loyalty and familiarity that you think you have with the rest of the Vipers is only in place as long as

you’re a good little peon. Tick off the boss, or move out of line, and you’re sure to be given the axe.” He tapped his

head with a few knuckles, as if to knock on wood. “Oh, what am I thinking? It’s more like ‘eating a bullet’.”
Muscles growled. “That’s a load of –”
“That’s not what Shorty over there seems to think. Why, just look how much his hand is trembling! He looks

positively shaken! Oh, dear!”
And sure enough, Shorty’s hand – the same hand holding fast to the trigger – wobbled in place. In his current

state, he probably couldn’t shoot the asphalt around Lanky, much less the cowardly crony himself.
“Hey, get a grip, will you?” snapped Muscles. “Jesus, don’t fall for his tricks! He’s just a –”
“Just a simple agent of justice, speaking the truth,” finished Noah, stroking his chin confidently. “You need to

look at reality, Beefslice: if you go back to the boss, you will die. Maybe immediately, maybe later. But make no mistake

– your road’s about to come to an abrupt end…unless…”
“U-unless what?” asked Shorty.
“Unless you do the right thing. Turn yourselves in, and you may be able to stay locked up long enough for me to

dissolve the Vipers from the inside out. At least that way, your life’s not in danger…assuming, of course, you haven’t

killed anyone.”
“I…I haven’t!”
Noah raised an eyebrow. “So the gun thing, it’s just a ruse to garner respect?”
“Y-yeah! If you got a gun, then there’s nobody in the world who’d wanna screw with you! B-but I don’t wanna…I

don’t wanna go up against a guy who’s got a gun either…”
Noah nodded. “Smart move.”
But Muscles had reached his limit. Furious, he stomped the ground and leaned forward, ready to beat every last

drop of blood out of Noah. “That’s enough! Neither of you are thinking straight! Let’s just grab this guy and shut him

up for good!”
“Oh ho, a challenger who wants to face off against justice?” wondered Noah aloud.
“Enough with the justice crap!”
“But it’s true. I’m working very closely with the judicial powers of this city – the coppers, if you catch my

drift. So it’s in your best interests to stop me as soon as possible. You follow me?”
Noah ran a finger over one of his tape bracelets. “You know what to do, don’t you? Come at me. Rush me down and

shut me up, if you can. That’s the only way you’re getting out of this mess…right?”
Muscles didn’t even hesitate. Swallowed by rage and fury, he charged like a wild rhino, meaty limbs outstretched

and eager to snap Noah in two.
Exactly as planned.
Rip.
Noah tore off a long strip of duct tape, and the moment Muscles charged into his range, he ducked. Sliding under

his arms, he seized the tape strip in both hands, and strapped it to both of the thug’s legs.
“Magnifico!” cheered Noah; with duct tape in place, Muscles tipped over and slammed face-first into the pavement.

Stunned and helpless, Noah worked his magic: he seized the strip and wrapped it around his thrashing legs like rope. In

mere moments, Muscles the Viper couldn’t even get to his feet.
Victorious, Noah rolled the thug over, reached into his pocket, and seized his gun. “You might have made a good

delinquent after all,” he complimented, standing up. Then, with his smile a-twinkling, he pointed the pistol at Shorty’s

head. “Always following orders.”
Even with the mask in place, Noah could see the fear in Shorty’s eyes. “Y-you’re seriously gonna shoot me?” he

asked, his once-proud voice now quaking and an octave higher. “But – but what about you bein’ one of the good guys? What

about gettin’ caught?!”
Noah didn’t even flinch. “It doesn’t matter if I pull the trigger,” he declared. “You see, I have a higher

calling.”
And then…
* * *
What am I gonna do…?
Poor Billie. No matter how much she worked her brain, she couldn’t come up with an answer; as the morning sun

barged through her apartment window, she rubbed at her still-moist eyes. She had a good cry that morning – thanks to being

newly unemployed – and not even the sight of a bright sienna morning could cheer her up. From today on, every move she

made would put her one step closer to poverty.
Frustrated, and resisting the urge to curl up in bed again, she put on her glasses and opened the curtains. From

her second-story perch, she had a nice view of Southtown. The rolling fields used for springtime Frisbee tournaments. The

short, squat buildings, having stood for decades, and each one built with love. The brick-paved streets, the blinking

traffic signals – and of course, the people whose smiling faces she’d always watched from afar.
Southtown. Her home. No matter what, she’d do whatever it took to keep living happily here.
She ran her fingers through her ruffled blonde hair – and then noticed something. Someone.
Noah, sitting on her car, pretzel-style, waving happily at her. And not far behind, a trio of snake-masked thugs

tied up with duct tape.
Billie nearly threw her window off the hinges as she slid it open. “Y-you…what’s going on?! Who are those

people?!”
Noah dropped his arm and rotated a shoulder. “Oh, you’re finally up, huh? I’ve been waving at your window for

like three hours now. Seriously, would it kill you to wake up earlier? Most people would be at their jobs by now…”
Billie bit her lip and held back the tears. “I don’t have a job anymore thanks to you!”
“Really?”
“Yes! You were there!”
Noah pawed at his ear like a cat. “Doesn’t ring a bell, meow,” he reported. “But that’s funny, because I don’t

have any money!”
“H-how is that funny?”
“It…you know what? Actually it’s not funny. We have a serious problem on our hands if neither of us has a source

of income.”
Billie opened her mouth to complain, but decided not to get swept up in Noah’s shenanigans again. “And who are

they supposed to be?”
“Hm? Oh, these guys? Well apparently, they’re part of an evil organization that wants to kidnap you. But don’t

worry, I’ve got these guys all wrapped up.” He slapped his forehead. “Aw, but you totally missed it! They kissed each

other, it was so awesome!”
Billie opened her eyes wide. “They were after me? S-so that means…you saved me…?”
“Yeah, but you’re missing the point! Kissing snake men!”
“But Noah, I…” She didn’t know how to put it exactly; one minute, this wild-eyed, red-headed, barefoot madman had

come out of nowhere, eager to point out her incredible chest – and the next, he’d risked his life to protect her. Him, a

man, and a harasser no less.
She didn’t know what to say. Even with trouble brewing on the horizon, even with her future up in the air, even

with mysteries to be solved and battles to be won, she felt as if she could trust Noah.
To believe in the peace he could bring.
“Thank you, Noah,” she said with a smile.
And despite his ranting, Billie’s smile didn’t go unnoticed – Noah perked up immediately, and flashed his own

childish smile in return. “Heh heh, anything for a fellow agent of justice! No- oh, that reminds me…you’re gonna help me

out, right?”
Billie reared back a bit, her good will suddenly draining away. “Erm…w-well…I guess it couldn’t hurt…”
“Oh, wonderful! First, I need you to take care of these guys,” began Noah, pointing at the three thugs. “Call the

Scary Black Man and get thee to a nunnery, or wherever it is the bad guys go.”
That was pretty much a given, but Billie nodded nonetheless. “Okay. And what else?”
“Help me clear my name.”
That, on the other hand…