Loved

         I remember once crying at my birthday party because my friends wanted hang out with my sister more than me. I've always been ashamed of that. When I told Reid that, and he laughed.

         I told Reid about big dreams. I told him how I wanted to be a missionary, that I was going to travel to places where no American has been before, that I was going to learn languages, and translate the bible into these unknown languages. He smiled, and told me that he knew I would do it, that if anyone he ever knew was going to learn an unknown language and translate the bible, it was going to be me.

         One time I sang this song, a song I loved that perfectly expressed all of my insecurities, and I sang it with passion and vulnerability while Reid strummed the guitar. When the song was finished, and I opened my eyes, I saw a tear on Reid's cheek.

         The first time a boy asked me to be his girlfriend, to 'go steady,' I told Reid about it and smiled, and giggled, and gushed. He said he didn't like that guy, that it wasn't a good idea. I yelled at him accusing him of being jealous and wouldn't talk to him for three days.

         Three months later, when my boyfriend humiliated me by dumping me in front of all of my friends because he was tired of not getting what he wanted, Reid went to his house and punched him.

         I remember when he came to me after youth group with tears in his eyes telling me that he had been addicted to porn for the past ten months, and he wanted help. I remember crying with him, going with him to our pastor, and praying to God to give him strength. I remember him calling me at four in the morning asking me to distract him.

         When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, he came to my house and talked with my mom for hours about how she was feeling. And then he came up to my room and held me as I cried.

         We went on a youth trip to Florida and got the flu. He sat in the back of the van and held my hair back while I threw up.

         And here I am sitting now, with an old friend in a dark coffee shop. She is talking about the internship she has applied  for and all of the money and paperwork she has to have ready, but I am stuck on what she said earlier. When we were talking about home, how different the real world is from that small town, mentioning old faces and names, and talking about where they were at now.

         She asked about Reid, and I told her he went to Warner Southern University, but I haven't talked to him much, I needed to call him.

         She nodded. “It's funny how things change. I always thought Reid would follow you anywhere.” She laughed.

         “Why would you say that?”

         “Wasn't it obvious? He was so in love with you in high school.”

         We are saying goodbye now and saying how we have to do this again soon. I am walking back to my dorm, and thinking if Reid really was in love with me. I always knew he loved me, but I never thought he was in love with me.

         But now I am thinking that I must call him. I must hear his voice, just to hear it. Even though we are on opposite ends of the country, I need to hear him just to hear him.

         I set my bag on my bed and pull my phone out of my pocket.

         “Hello?”

         Deep breath. “Hey Reid.”

         “Hey Carly.”

         Somehow I know he is smiling into the phone.