Lucid Dream

Everything was either bright green, bright blue, or beautiful. The park on this afternoon was exceptionally lively, with panting dogs running to and fro from their owners, men in abnormally large coats sitting by the river with a fishing rod resting limply in their hands, and couples lying on the grass. There was no pain or fear or anxiety. Not anymore. Only one word comes to mind to reflect how I was feeling. Blissful. After all how could I not be?

These were the thoughts drifting through my mind as I lay entwined with her on the ground, feeling the warm air fall upon us, making a blanket for us to lie beneath. She was quiet. Very quiet, almost as if she had gone to sleep. But she hadn’t. She was still awake, but softly dosing in my arms every now and then, like you would do early in the morning after a refreshing sleep.
“Are you awake?” I whispered
“Hmmm barely.” She purred. “Are you?”
“Of course.”
She turned slowly to show me her puzzled expression.
I said “I wouldn’t wanna’ miss out on this moment.”
She smiled and made a soft high pitched noise, and buried her head in my neck.
Like I said, how could I not feel blissful?

What I feel at these moments is always difficult to decipher. I never know nowadays where, or even who I am. You see, a few long years ago, I was checked into this hotel. It’s quite a nice hotel; the rooms are comfy with soft carpets and white pillows on the walls. The floor is soft enough to sleep on; there is no need for a bed. In fact the room is very plain. It is simply a cube, with soft white sections all over the walls. Yes, very comfy. Sometimes room service comes to my room, with trays full of pills and other sorts of medicines. Oh yes, they even look out for our wellbeing at this hotel. What a nice place! Of course when my best friend checked me into this lovely place he assured me I would be taken care of, but this was so much more than I had expected. I never leave my room. I usually don’t leave the floor, I simply sit on the soft cushioned surface thinking and waiting for my next batch of medication or my next meal. They have lovely food here as well. Roast beef and Yorkshire puddings every Sunday, top quality fish and chips every Friday and various different types of meals throughout the week. Room service in this place is very impressive indeed.
Yes I think I like it here.
It was in this room that I dreamt constantly of my past. Of her.

Blissful. That was certainly how I felt that day, with the love of my life wrapped in my arms and the sunlight falling gracefully on my face. I was happy. Until I began to realise the fact…

The sun was falling from the sky. Slowly, but it was still falling. And the sunset wasn’t leaving the usual orange/red colour it usually does. All it was leaving was grey, then slight black, then pitch black. I lay in silence in the dark for a few moments, shivering, frightened.
“Where…Where have you gone?” I whimpered, for she had slipped from my arms.
“I am wherever you want me to be.” A cold whisper came from the darkness
“What do you mean? Where are you?”
“It’s your choice, you decide where I am, who I am, how I am.”
I felt a chill flow through me and I swiftly lifted myself to my feet. How do I fix this? I asked myself. How do I see her again?
I closed my eyes as tightly as I could, and imagined her before me again, reaching out to take my hand. I opened my eyes and my vision replicated what I had seen in my imagination.
She was standing in front of me, taking my hand, but not gently. She threw her hand at mine, took it aggressively and lifted my hand to point directly towards her head.

“Do it.” she said blankly. It was at this moment that I realised the gun in my hand. The metallic lump of death had only just appeared this very second. How could this be possible?!
The trees had curved inwards with their leafless claws to snatch us away from the sun, and I shuddered uncontrollably.
“Do it!!!” she was screaming now, tears dripping down her chin. “DO IT! You know you want to!” she sobbed pathetically, begging me to pull the trigger. My finger itched. I held it back as hard as I could, so hard it trembled. Why was I contemplating this?! Why would I think of such a thing? I would never in real life consider doing this to her. Never. Unless this wasn’t real life. If this wasn’t real life, and it was some sort of alternate reality, then that would explain why she was acting so differently. Yes this must be some sort of other world, I thought. But not a reality. In no reality would my finger be moving closer to the trigger, however reluctantly. This could only be one thing. And if it was what I thought it was, I knew how to stop it. I could control it.
I stopped shaking, and calmly took a step back, and lifted the gun to my head.
“I will always love you.” I stammered.
The last look she showed me was confused panic, but I pulled the trigger before I could hear her scream.

The grounded fell away beneath my feet and my surroundings melted around me to reveal a new white world of padding and pills. The institute materialised once again and I moaned and screamed as the hinges of my door creaked open and men in white suits entered to shove the drugs down my throat. My dream was certainly wrong, I did not like it here, and no matter how much drugs they gave me, I would not forget that. Nor would I forget her.

Her memory will never fade.