Sophie's Journey home

Sophie began her journey home on a dark and dreary September night. Not a star lit the sky, not even the moon through the thick clouds. The dark simply amplified how she felt about returning to her family. She had little desire to return home; however, she didn’t have any other place to go now. Her cash supply was frighteningly low, barely enough to make this trip.
She had called her mother the week before and tearfully asked if she could come home. Her mother had nearly jumped for joy when Sophie had finally worked up the courage to ask the question. But she didn’t tell her mother that this would only be a temporary thing or why she was coming home. As soon as she could afford to, she would move again. But for now, Sophie's mother would have the joy of seeing her daughter and granddaughter.
The clock changed to one a.m. as she fought to stay awake another hour. She knew that her mother expected to see her tonight and would stay awake until she came home. One more hour on this long road and I will be home. She dreaded the thought of home, but she loved and desired a warm bed in a room all to herself and her child. She could not wait to lay her child down in the toddler bed that her mother promised to have set up in Sophie’s quite large room. Her daughter deserved so much better than what she could give. However, her mother did raise her and deserved to know her daughter.
The clock turned to 1:15 as Sophie looked in her rearview at her sleeping daughter. Nadia deserves a life with a good father who loves and cares for her. She deserves to live in a nice home in a safe neighborhood. She should be sleeping in her room, not in this car, Sophie thought to herself.
Nadia contentedly slept in her car seat, her head rolled to one side and her curly brown hair streaming across her face. She knew nothing of why they were taking this trip. Sophie had told her that they were going to visit Grandma. Nadia had been slightly confused at first, but then she grew increasingly excited until she fell asleep four hours previous.
Sophie hoped that her daughter would be safe and happy in her hometown. Canton was a small and cozy town where everyone knew everyone else and their business. As in any small town, people talked any place they met. The old women talked about their families and kept track of the children. The children quickly learned that nothing escaped the notice of the town grandparents, as Sophie learned in the sixth grade.
One day after school, she had walked home with a friend, as the children often did in this small town. They had been walking just out of earshot of an older boy, Scott when Amber dared her to walk up to him and start a conversation. At the time, Scott was a freshman in high school, and Sophie had been warned by her father to stay away from him. Scott had a reputation as the bad boy who did as he pleased when he pleased. Sophie had often heard the old ladies gossip about his bad nature. They repeatedly told the young girls to stay away from such a mischievous boy who, as they said, was up to nothing but trouble.
In spite of their warnings, Sophie had developed a crush on him. She loved his ne’er do well attitude and his carefree behavior. She envied the freedom and courage he showed the town. He never let anything the townsfolk said bother him. In fact, he seemed to thrive on it. For everything the women disapproved of, he would find something worse to do. For instance, the women had seen him at the home of a sixteen year old debutante while she was alone. The ladies were so incensed by this that they shot disapproving looks at him when he happened by and talked about it nonstop. They swore that he couldn’t do anything worse, that is, until the next week when he strolled down Main Street hand in hand with a college girl.
That day, despite the warnings, she took Amber’s bet and caught up to Scott.
“Hi,” Sophie said.
“Hello,” Scott sneered at her. “What d’ya want?”
“Just to say hi,” Sophie timidly responded. “I’ve seen you around.”
He scoffed as he responded, “I’m sure ya have. Why’re ya talking to me? Surely ya know that I’m the ‘big, bad boy’ that ya oughtta stay away from.”
“I know, but I don’t care,” she retorted. “I don’t listen to what people tell me to do, least of all my parents.”
“Sure, kid,” he laughed. “Ya better get outta here or you’ll get in trouble.” As he walked away, he shook his head in seeming disbelief.
Sophie admired him as we walked away. She was so intent on his sauntering figure that she had forgotten about everything else until Amber caught up to her.
“So… How’d it go?” Amber asked. “You sure talked a lot and so did he.”
“It went ok, I guess,” Sophie said.
“You guess?” Amber looked puzzled. “Do you like him or something?”
“No. Definitely not. And you better not go telling people that,” Sophie laughed.
Amber rolled her eyes as they continued walking.
When the girls neared Sophie’s home, her mother called to her. Sophie could tell that something wasn’t right by the way her mom sounded. She quickly hurried into the house, trying to figure out what her mom wanted. Her mother told her to sit at the kitchen table.
“Sophie, what were you thinking today?”
“What do you mean?”
“What were you thinking when you talked to that boy?”
“What boy?”
“You know what boy, the only boy that both your father and I both disapproved of.”
“I just said hi.”
“Just said hi? I don’t want you talking to him ever again, not even just to say hi.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so. Now go to your room and do your homework before your father comes home. You’ll still have his punishment to deal with.”
“Whatever.” Sophie flounced up the stairs to her room and slammed the door.
That day had led to even worse punishment from her father. She flinched as she remembered the feel of the belt. How she hated him. But she was older now, and she needed a place to get away from Scott. She was so blind then.
The clock turned to 1:45. Just 15 more minutes and I’ll be home. I hope dad’s not up. I really don’t want to have listen to an I told you so tonight. She knew her mother would be up, but her mother would accept that she was tired and that it was late.
She had finally reached the town limits and had only a few minutes until she made it home. No turning back now. I’m almost home. I do hope that my daughter will be happy. She could hardly stand the thought of anything happening to her daughter.
Streetlights lit the way to her childhood home on Grove Street. The sky seemed to have gotten even darker in the last hour. The air was denser as storm clouds rolled in. If it didn’t storm tonight, she knew that it would tomorrow. What a lovely way to come home, she thought to herself.
She pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. She took a deep breath and looked at her childhood home. It stood two stories high with a wraparound porch. They had whitewashed the outside and built a small, whitewashed fence. She could see the shadow of her mother in the window to the living room. Just as I thought. She waited up for me. She half smiled as she pulled the keys out of the ignition. She stepped out of her car and quietly shut the door behind her. She opened the back door, reached over Nadia and gently pulled out a small luggage bag. She then gently unfastened Nadia and picked her up. Nadia continued to sleep with her head resting gently on Sophie’s shoulder.
After quietly closing the car door and locking her car, Sophie walked on the concrete path up to her parents’ home to ring the doorbell. Her mother quickly opened the door.
“You made it home safe,” she quietly said. “Let’s get Nadia to bed.”
The two walked up the stairs to Sophie’s old room. When she walked in, Sophie saw her full size bed on one wall and a small toddler bed for Nadia nearby.
“This was the best I could do on short notice. This week, we can work on cleaning out my sewing room for Nadia.”
“This is perfect for now. Thanks, mom.”
“Good night.”
Sophie smiled as her mom headed to bed. Her mother had always been such a pack rat. After tucking Nadia in, Sophie readied for bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

II

Sophie stirred as the warm sunlight filtered into her room. Groggily, she looked at the clock on the wall which read 9:30. Maybe just another hour of sleep, she thought just before she felt a little tug on her arm.
“Mommy, mommy.”
Maybe I should get. Sophie rolled to look at her daughter.
“Mommy, I hungry.”
“I’m getting up.” Sophie sat up and reached for her overnight bag and put her arm around Nadia. Sophie quickly picked out a flowery dress for Nadia and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for herself. She changed and then reached for Nadia. Nadia squirmed as Sophie successfully dressed her for her first day in Sophie’s hometown.
Sophie picked up Nadia and went in search of her mother. She walked down the stairs to the kitchen where, as she expected, Sophie’s mother was standing at the counter. Her mother quickly perked up upon her entry.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
“Morning, mom.”
“I made you both some pancakes. There’s orange juice in the fridge. You still remember where everything else is, right?”
“I think so.”
“Good. I have errands to run. Your father will be home around noon for lunch and the Coltor’s will be over later this evening.”
“Ok.”
“I’ll see you later.”
Sophie’s mother then left as Sophie put Nadia in her high chair.
She’s doing it already. I wish that she would just let me relax for a day before meeting everybody. And she had to invite his parents. Sophie thought to herself. It’s going to be a long day.
The Coltor’s were Scott’s parents. Sophie had no desire to see them yet, but how coud she do anything about it now?
Sophie finished her breakfast and cleaned up as Nadia continued eating. She then made a quick trip out to her car and brought in Nadia’s toys and one of the three suitcases. Putting the suitcase immediately in the hall and Nadia’s toys in the living room, Sophie then checked on Nadia.
“Mommy, see.” Nadia held up her hands which were covered in syrup.
“Yes, Nadia, I see,” she giggled. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” She wet a cloth and washed Nadia’s hands and face. After rinsing off Nadia’s dishes, Sophie took her daughter out of the high chair and to living room. “What do you want to play with today?”
“Dolly.”
Sophie smiled. Dolly, a blond haired baby doll, had become Nadia’s favorite toy in the last month. “Here’s dolly.”
Nadia cooed and began chattering to dolly, becoming oblivious to Sophie. Nadia had a wild imagination. She could and often would entertain herself for hours with any single toy.
Leaving Nadia in the living room, Sophie carried in the remaining two suitcases and carried her luggage up to her room, putting it beside her tan bureau. She quickly made the beds and put the laundry in the wicker hamper.

The clock read 5 o’clock. Mother came home an hour earlier and began preparing dinner a half hour later. Sophie knew that she needed to help Mother cook. She took Nadia to the kitchen and put her in the play corner. Mother had designed the kitchen to accommodate young children. She often hosted dinners, and, at the time, her guests often had young children.
“What can I do?” Sophie inquired.
“The potatoes need to be peeled.”
Sophie picked up her favorite knife and began peeling the potatoes. Nadia chattered to Dolly, and Sophie smiled.
“She loves that doll, doesn’t she?” Mother asked.
“It’s her favorite toy this month. She can chatter for hours to Dolly.”
“I remember when you did that.”
“Yeah?”
“There was about two months when you loved a doll similar to that. You would have nothing to do with any other doll.”
Sophie smiled and thought to herself, I remember that doll. She had red hair and brown eyes.
“What smells so good?” Father walked in. “Smells like some good chicken.”
Mother’s eyes sparkled a little. “It is.”
“Hello, Sophie.”
“Hi.”
“I told you that boy was no good.”
“I know,” Sophie softly responded and hung her head.
“You should have listened to me.” Father continued. “You could have done something with your life if you had listened to me.”
“Nick, honey,” Mother interjected, “The Coltors will be here any minute. Can this wait till later?”
“Sure, but we will have this discussion.”
Sophie just nodded and continued peeling the potatoes. I wish he wouldn’t do this. I know now that it was wrong, but he isn’t much better. I chose Scott so that I could get away from him. Too bad Scott was just as bad.
The doorbell rang, making a welcome interruption. Sophie glanced at the clock as Mother exclaimed, “Oh dear, they’re half an hour earlier. Nick, will you let them in?”
Father went off to let the Coltors in.
“Sophie, please be nice to them.”
“I will, Mother.”
Laughter wafted in through the door as Father greeted the Coltors. Sophie quickly finished the potatoes and put them in a pot of water on the stove as Terry Coltor greeted Mother.
“Hello, Susan.” Terry smiled her infamous smile.
“Hello, Terry.”
“How’s my daughter-in-law and granddaughter?”
“We’re getting settled in,” Sophie replied. “Nadia has already made herself at home.”
“That’s wonderful. I mean, it’s great you’re getting settled,” Terry fumbled, and her face turned bright red. “It’s terrible that you have to move back, but, I mean, at least you’re getting settled, right?”
“Yes. And don’t worry about it. I knew what you meant.” Sophie nervously giggled.
“Will you be looking for a job soon?”
“As soon as I can.”
Terry paused, seeming unsure of herself. “I would love to watch Nadia while you look, if that’s ok with you.”
“I would love to let you watch her. I won’t be able to pay you anything for a while though.”
“Don’t even think about paying me. I want to take care of my granddaughter, not be a paid babysitter.”
“Ok, Sorry.” Sophie nervously replied, then changed the subject to her brother and sister-in-law, “How’re Carrie and Seth doing?”
Terry smiled, pride lighting up her face as she replied, “Well…Carrie is back with two children and her husband. The local hospital hired her. And Seth landed a partnership in Chicago.”
“Really?” Sophie exclaimed. “Seth already has a partnership?”
“So, it seems. We’re very proud of him.”
“He always was the top of his class,” Sophie smiled. “And Carrie has two children? How old are they?”
“Susie will be two in a month and Jake is six months now.”
“Wow. I’ll have to take Nadia over and visit with Carrie, that is… if she wants me to visit.”
“She would love to see you again,” Terry replied. “And she would love it even more if you brought Nadia.”
“Good. If you give me her number, I’ll call her this week.”
“Sure thing.”
“Dinner is ready.” Sophie’s mother replied. “Sophie, will you get your father and John while Terry and I set the table?”
“Sure.”
The two families sat down to a beautiful spread of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans. The smell of peach cobbler added to the mixture of smells in the homey dining room which was separated from the kitchen only by a counter. They all bowed their heads as Mother said grace and Nadia cooed.
Mother ended her prayer and everybody started passing the dishes.
“This smells delicious,” John complimented Mother.
“Thank you.”
“Sophie, I hear that you will be looking for a job soon?”
“Yes,” Sophie replied as she prepared a plate for Nadia.
“I have an opening for a temporary employee. You could give it a try while you look for something better.” John owned a small bakery where he employed up to ten people, depending on the season and sales.
“When would I be able to start?”
Mother interjected. “Please don’t talk business over dinner.”
“She needs a job. Let them talk business if it means that she can support herself and get into her own place,” Father rebuked.
“I know she needs a job, but they can wait until after dinner to discuss business matters.”
“I’ll discuss the details with her later,” John interjected, ending the argument.
“So, when is the next quilting meeting?” Terry attempted to change the subject.
Conversation continued through the remainder of dinner. After two hours, Sophie breathed a sigh of relief as the Coltors headed home, leaving the house quiet again. Sophie helped Mother finish the dishes while Father watched the news.
After the two had cleaned up the kitchen and dining room, Sophie took Nadia upstairs and readied her for bed. As she was laying Nadia down to sleep, she could hear her parents arguing. Not again, she thought to herself. But then, I saw it coming at dinner. Never argue in public is what Mother always said. Instead, argue in private.
She closed the door in a vain attempt to block the noise as Nadia started crying. Sophie picked her up and attempted to comfort her. She remembered all too well listening to the countless arguments between her parents. She also remembered the bad nights when Father had been drinking. He had hit Mother so many times, but she had always refused to leave him, saying that he promised not to do it again or that she loved him too much to leave him. Sophie had never understood why she wouldn’t leave until about a year and a half ago.
Scott had been drinking one night, and Nadia was sick. Nadia had been crying all night, but she had finally settled down twenty minutes before Scott came home. When he had finally stumbled in, he started yelling at Sophie to make his dinner.
“Keep it down, please,” Sophie had asked. “Nadia just went to sleep, and I don’t want to wake her.”
“Don’t you tell me to keep it down, woman,” Scott continued yelling. “I’ll be as loud as I want in my house.”
“Nadia is sleeping. Please be quiet.”
“I said this is my house.” He slapped her. “Now make my dinner.”
Sophie reeled from his slap and quietly responded, “No.”
“What?!”
“I said no, not until you stop yelling.” She knew it was a mistake as soon as she said it.
Scott slapped her again, this time harder. “You don’t tell me no. Do it, Now!”
With tears streaming down her cheeks, Sophie went to the kitchen and made his dinner. She couldn’t believe that he had hit her. He had yelled at her before but never had he raised a hand to her until that night. Surely he won’t hit me again, she had thought. I’m sure he just had a bad night and a little too much to drink. She hadn’t realized then that it was just beginning.
The next day, he brought home two dozen roses and made an effusive apology. She remembered how he had promised that he would never hit her again. How gullible she felt now. She had covered what he did by telling those who asked that she had run into a door. Of course, no one had asked any questions for fear of seeming intrusive, and all of her work was done out of her home, limiting her contact with anyone who would have asked too many questions.
Sophie breathed a sigh of relief as Nadia fell asleep. Sophie laid her daughter down on the toddler bed and began to ready herself for bed.
How I wish I had been wiser when I was younger. I know Father was right when he warned me about Scott, but I had hoped and prayed that he was wrong. How stupid I was. Sophie curled up under the covers and rolled on her right side. Well, I can’t spend time feeling sorry for myself. I have to pick up the pieces and move on with my life.

III
Three days later, Sophie took Nadia to the park two blocks from her parents’ home. It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon, and the sun lit the clear blue sky. Nadia stopped at every little thing she saw from leaves rustling on the trees to a worm wriggling across the sidewalk. Sophie laughed at how inquisitive Nadia was and thanked God that her daughter seemed oblivious to the current circumstances. Sophie only hoped that it would continue.
Upon arriving at the park Nadia squealed and took off for the sandbox, where a little girl was building a sandcastle. The young mother sat on a nearby park bench, holding a toddler. Sophie’s eyes met hers, and the two women smiled in recognition. As soon as Nadia had safely reached the sandbox, Sophie walked over to Carrie and greeted her.
“Hello!” Carrie exclaimed. “My mother told me you were back.”
“Yeah,” Sophie fidgeted slightly. “I’m back.”
“It’s great to see you. You look wonderful.”
Who are you kidding? Sophie thought to herself. “I feel great. And Nadia is happy.”
“She is,” Carrie laughed. “She is getting along with her cousin well. So… May I ask why you left Scott? I thought you two were happy, at least that’s what he told me last time we spoke.”
Sophie inwardly cringed as she answered. “Well, we were about eighteen months ago. Then, things changed.”
“What changed?”
“I’d really rather not talk about it,” Sophie nervously laughed. “I love Scott but I can’t live with him, at least not right now.”
“You sure?” Carrie asked. “I have issues with my husband sometimes but I love him anyway. We talk about what we need to work through.”
“Scott isn’t one to talk,” Sophie shifted again. “He’d rather act.”
“That’s a good thing. Action does more good than most talking does.”
“Not in Scott’s case. He tends to do more damage.” I really wish she’d stop now. She doesn’t have a clue about him.
“Adam and I have our times when actions do more damage, but we don’t give up. You shouldn’t either.”
“I’m not giving up.” Sophie retorted. “I’m choosing my daughter’s well-being over my marriage with Scott.”
“I don’t see how leaving Scott is better for your daughter.” Carrie continued. “In fact, children often have more issues after a divorce.”
“I understand that, but Nadia deserves better than Scott was giving us.” Sophie said.
“Does Scott have a job?” Carrie asked.
“Yes, he does.”
“Does he blow his money or does he pay the bills and provide for you?”
I know where this is going and it isn’t good. Sophie thought. “He does provide a decent home.”
“Then why did you leave him? He gives you what any man should give his family.” Carrie said.
“He may give us what any man should, but he also gives what any man shouldn’t as well.” Sophie glanced down to the ground.
“What?” Carrie scoffed. “I know my brother. What could he possibly be doing? It’s not like he hits you.”
“Actually…”
“What?! No way.”
“Unfortunately, yes.” Sophie responded. He hit me more than once, usually when he was drunk.”
“How long?” Carrie looked concerned.
“About eighteen months now.” Sophie replied.
“How often?”
“At first, it was only once a month or so, but lately, as his work has gotten more stressful, it’s been at least once a week.” Sophie said.
“Is that why you left?”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you mean, not exactly?” Carrie asked.
“I didn’t leave because he was hitting me.” Sophie said.
“Then why did you leave?” Carrie asked.
“Because…” Sophie shifted again. “He hit Nadia.”
“What?!” Carrie exclaimed. “He hit her?”
“Yes. He apologized the next day and swore he would never hit her again, but I don’t know if I can take that chance.”
“That’s understandable. I can’t believe he hit her.” Carrie said.
“Carrie?” Sophie said.
“Yes?”
“Don’t say anything to your parents or him, please.”
“Why?” Carrie asked.
“I’m not ready to deal with them just yet.” Sophie said.
“Ok.” Carrie said. “But you have to tell them soon.”
“I will when I’m ready.” Sophie said. Glancing at her watch, she said, “I must be going now. It’s nearly 12.”
“It was good seeing you again.”
“Indeed,” Sophie replied.
Sophie quickly walked to Nadia and picked her up. The two went on their way home, Sophie deep in thought while Nadia chattered on.