Build A Bridge To Reach Your Kids.

So you have come to the edge of a cliff, And on the other side of a large gaping hole is your child, also standing on the edge of their own cliff. And there is no bridge in between you.

What if you had a way of building a bridge, an inlet to discuss all kinds of things of importance with your unreasonable child. Would you be willing to open your mind and try. Some time ago I stumbled onto just such a bridge. And of all of the things I thought would bring me and my pain in the butt kids closer, I never thought Music would be it.



As all parents know, there is an unwritten rule that your parents were supposed to hate your music, and you are supposed to hate your kids music. I used to follow that rule to the letter. But no more. A few years ago me and my Godson started arguing about some band he was listening too. To me it was just screaming, and had no imagination. Now about this particular band I still have that opinion, but when I could see that the argument was going nowhere fast, but that we both had the same point, something occurred to me. So the last thing I said to him was, “If you open your mind to different kinds of music and broaden your Choices, then I will do the same and give your music a chance.” he did not know what to say to that, but it was the end of the argument.



What had occurred to me was that in the Eighties when I would blast Metallica from my room. My mother would come unhinged and make me turn it down so she couldn't hear it. I would try to explain that if she just listened to the lyrics, she would see that the music did not promote death and destruction, but often times was a warning to kids about certain dangers. They just found a way to make us understand it without being preachy like our parents.



I guess it was the loud screaming guitars and pounding baselines that blocked parents abilities to hear anything beyond the noise itself. But as a child I loved my moms music as well. Not all of it, but when I heard her playing the Eagles for the first time I was hooked. So I would play music to fit my mood like a lot of people. A session with Don Henley could easily turn into walking through a door into Hetfields world. And that range of open mindedness could have been a perfect opening to discuss anything with my folks, I am sorry to say it did not turn out that way.



So when i realized I was doing the same thing to my kids, I was mad at myself, but I was so glad that I said what I said to my son, because he took it to heart. The day I walked into my living room and he was playing journey and singing along with the songs, I knew I had found my opening. And it worked. What started out as talking about music, most times made him open up to me about what was going on with him at any given time. Something as simple as telling a story about why a singer wrote a certain song would trigger a story about something similar in his life. I am sure we all have had instances where we hear a song and swear that it was written about us, it fits so perfectly with one or more aspects of our lives.



And if this great realization with him wasn't awesome enough, when I took the time to keep my end of the bargain and listen and try to understand his music, I was stunned at how much I liked and connected with it. Now I will love and listen to my era music till the day I die, but I was hooked at the first Nickleback song I heard, they are now my favorite modern band, with Staind a close second. (it's not a typo, that's how they spell it.) anyway, of course there are modern bands I don't care for, just as there are some of mine that my kids don't. But try giving their music a chance. And for those parents that get great joy from shock value, sit down and find a song of theirs that you like and learn the words without them knowing. Then when you hear them playing it, start singing. I promise the reaction will be worth it.

You will find that you don't even need to try to change the subject when you and your kid are listening to music. Most times they will just open up and the conversation will flow into something productive all by itself. And if there comes a day when a music conversation turns into yelling and screaming, try this. Suppress your natural parental instinct to argue back. Just sit there, let them blow, and don't say a word. Even when we as parents don't understand why our kids make a big deal out of what we think is a small problem, remember, to them it might be huge, to them it's real. They are living it, not us. Sometimes it will be something that you can help with, sometimes there is no solution and they just need to vent. And almost every time this leaves the child exhausted and shocked that you let them rant and rave and just listened, then when you start talking, they will be much more open to hearing what you have to say.



How many good kids turn into bad kids because they feel they cant talk to an adult who will listen to them. Often times their only escape is to talk to friends. And how many of those friends are so-called friends and will convince your child that they should join the Screw you parents generation. When your kid comes home with a bolt through their nose, you will know what I mean.



And yes sometimes that's the way it's going to turn out no matter what you do. These kids today have so much hitting them every day from all directions, I am amazed any of them make it to adulthood in one piece. But I am telling you, connecting with them through music works. And it's not a quick fix, it takes time. The normal rebellious problems will still be there, but I promise you, you may just discover a completely different child then what you see on the surface. You may find a small problem and be able to fix it before it becomes one of those things that tear families apart. And your child may just find new respect for their hard working parent.



I actually once got an invite to a concert by my daughter, and she did not care what her friends thought, how cool is that. Recently, me and three of my God kids were heading up the canyon to see the lake . Bon Jovi came over the radio and my Twelve year old sang the entire song. That particular song came out when I was a kid. I got to talking about what grade I was in when the song came out and before I knew it we were talking about how she was doing in school. And my seven year old blows my mind. I really had to parental lock my computer because there are some songs she just cant listen to, but on the approved list is a song by one of her favorite artists, she was walking around the house singing “Lay your world on me.” by Ozzy. At such a young age her mind is open to all kinds of music, and she knows I support that, and it will make life easier on both of us as she grows.



Now this is just a personal parental decision, but I never use the taking away of music as a punishment. It can take you to wonderful places. And it can distract kids and adults from life's problems long enough to discover solutions. Music can open doors that years of pain caused by silence have nailed shut, Hey you never know until you try. Good luck...God Bless.....Hug a kid today!!