The Voices

Ingrid started hearing the "voices" the day she arrived home from the hospital. The voices were "inside" her head, constantly, anytime and anywhere. It could be day or night, morning, afternoon or evening and while she was asleep. She knew this because she could hear the voices, whispering, during her dreams. Now, her dreams became nightmares! She didn't even know if her dreams were hers anymore! It was as if there were people inside her body, living with her and in her, breathing her air, eating her food, drinking her water, living her life and sharing all her good and bad thoughts.

Sometimes it would upset her, other times infuriate her and most of the times she just wished it would stop. She felt as if being "invaded" by aliens or by little people, by thought keepers and even by ETs. Yes, she must have been abducted! When she was in her bathroom, she would cover herself with a towel, while naked and in front of the mirror; embarrassed by being watched by somebody cocooned in her head and able to see her reflection. Weird, wasn't it? She was never alone... Was she becoming crazy?

After the car accident she was in coma for 7 days at the General Hospital. Her family thought she would never wake up but she did. When she opened her eyes it was as if she had gone to sleep the night before. She was weak and tired, hurt and sick, but feeling nothing else. Her skin was dryer and she definitely needed highlights on her hair but she knew she had survived a serious car accident, a horrible crash. The person that hit her car had died instantly. She was happy that she had no broken bones; only a small cut on her forehead. It was a miracle!

The same day she went home, she started hearing... those voices. Voices telling her things, asking her for things; crying and complaining. The voices were constantly telling stories, showing maps and secret drawers, boxes and envelopes, odd names and murderer's names and love messages.... Oh so many things in her head, so boring, so irritating and a total invasion of ones privacy. What was happening to her?

She set an appointment with a friend who was a licensed psychologist. She needed help or she could go crazy, for sure. She had lost weight and looked really strange. She could get fired soon. People could also think she was seriously ill. The other day she wore two different black pair of shoes to work! Her co-workers laughed at her saying that the car accident had melted her brains down. They joked about her constantly. She knew that her colleagues had never accepted her as part of the team and this was disturbing; and now these jokes... even if they knew that she had nearly died. It came to a point where she didn't mind it anymore. She didn't care, she didn't like them and oddly enough, she liked it that way; and as for her family, they avoided her too. She felt that she was never welcome to the get togethers they planned...and she never invited them over to her parties, too besides... all this was such a pain in the butt!

"Maybe the voices aren’t inside your head; they may be in the background.” the psychologist said to her that afternoon by trying to observe her reaction and thoughts.

"No! The voices are inside my head, all the time, I'm sure, and I'm not crazy! What's going on with me? You know me for 5 years! You know how objective and rational I am."

"Listen, Ingrid, I'm being a friend here, not a psychologist now... I have heard and seen so much in this world, from people I've met, you won't believe it. I know you are not crazy. I know it, I can see it. I know what all this is about. Listen to me. Pay close attention and don't you think that... I am... crazy, alright? Look, some theories for these voices... lie with... the dead ones, with ghosts or spirits. It is thought that dead family members or friends may come back to guide the living through tough situations or other endeavors. You had a serious car accident! This theory is a more “normal” explanation. It is paranormal but it’s discussed more freely in general society, as many have had such experiences once or twice. Also, many do believe in ghosts that seek our help before the crossover."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am. Listen to me. Another theory is spirit guides. Any and all questions can be asked to these spirits regarding everyday life, the “other side,” the future, etc. Ouija boards are also sometimes used for this purpose. A few people were reportedly possessed after such activities, and a few books have been written about people’s experiences."

"You are really serious about all these things, aren't you?"

"Let me speak. Be quiet. Listen. Learn. It's important. You need to understand. You have something within you. It's like a gift or a blessing. I don't know why you have it. Was it because of the accident? I don't know! One thing I can tell you... I envy you. If this was happening to me, I wouldn't be scared; I'd try to use it and help. Anyway, I can help you understand these things."

"No! I'm sure this is a bad dream or a curse! The man's family, the guy that hit my car and died...What was his name? Manuel? Yes, they are angry and they cast a spell on me!"

"No! Listen. Be reasonable and... be really spiritual for once in your life. Nothing is wrong with you. The most common theory (which most people thought of when they heard "voices" in the past) used to be insanity. In general, other than the explanations I gave you, it still isn’t considered a "normal" thing to hear voices even in our culture today. This is especially true when the individual claims that the voices weren’t asked for and aren’t familiar; they’re simply there, all the time. Most of our connotations regarding hearing voices have resulted from sufferers of schizophrenia, who are, by medical terms, insane, and who do hear voices. It is also thought, now, that many highly creative people and geniuses hear voices, and that these voices are the source of their creativity, Ingrid!

"Like Joan of Arc, Schumann, Van Gogh or Sigmund Freud?"

"Yes. Many inventors and geniuses of the past are now thought to have heard voices. Also, many people wonder exactly where these voices come from, what they say, and what they sound like. Where they come from is highly debatable, and few actually know. Spirits from the “other side” is a prominent theory, ok? There is no scientific way to say where they came from, since most people don’t even believe they exist, as you do."

"What do they want from me, Angelica?"

"Many times the voices simply comment on what the individual is doing at the time. Sometimes the voices will actually give instructions to the individual, but they usually aren’t psychotic as portrayed in movies and books. Most of the times they ask for help. And, people wouldn’t even recognize it as a voice if they didn’t believe in it."

"I don't."

"Listen. Sometimes voices will come from outside the head, and then they will usually be unintelligible. You will be capable of having a conversation with these voices if you accept them... talk to them. Some of these voices may even have names if they speak to the person more ofte.""

"I won't."

"Ingrid! Hear me! Don't reject the idea. Let me finish. On occasion they may even have personalities. However, people who claim most of this are labeled as insane, as getting into voices this deeply, is not part of most cultures. It is a much disputed fact over whether these voices actually exist. The argument could go back and forth forever. However, it usually ends with simple insanity as the explanation but this is not your case.  The spirituality chose you! Whatever happened in that car accident, it "opened" a wonderful door, a beautiful window in your mind and soul... from your aura... to a "spiritual Internet connection" wave... to them. They can see, feel, sense your "open door" and come to you for help."

"Why me?"

"There is no why me or why now or why this is happening to you. Again, there is the fact which is... unexplainable. Mysteriously awesome!"

"Am I like a "machine" or a "telephone" or a "messenger" for them?"

"Yes. I just want you to understand yourself and the reality of your situation. Ingrid - they need your help."

"I really don't know how to help. And... if... I don't want to help? I'm afraid. I don't like to mess with these spiritual issues, never did, never believed and, never will. Ever. This is so complicated!"

"One of the first steps to eliminating self-judgments and chatter is to recognize that the voices in your head never mean you any harm. It may be the source of self-criticism and unkind comments, weird requests but that is never the intent. Believe it or not. So, my dear Ingrid, talk back to them, talk back to the voices... and you'll be free, you'll understand, you'll help the "other side, you'll be rewarded."

"And if they are evil?"

"Have you felt anything of the kind...like darkness or dominant malignant forces?"

"No, I haven't... yet."

"They are good spirits but... they are lost souls... suffering and desperate to communicate for whatever reason. You were given the chance to help. You were chosen... somehow blessed with this special "gift": hear the other side! Ah Do you remember that film, the Sixth Sense, with Bruce Willis, where that scared little boy communicated with spirits that knew that they were dead? Remember? What did they want? They needed a helping hand to correct something wrong, an unfinished business that they took with them when they died... or when they were killed... and the "problem" is kind of stuck across their necks, like a fish bone, stuck there and making it impossible for them to go ahead to other realms, other planets... or to another existences."

"Yes... but... I don't know."

"Well, listen... after the boy "understood" what was happening to him and accepted them... he... the boy was able to help them in their endeavors, requests, earthly matters and his life became better; he wasn't upset or afraid anymore. A beautiful story. Now, Ingrid... this is happening to you!"

"And if... I don't want to help?"

"It's your choice. Your decision..."

"Will the voices... stop if I don't help?"

"No. They will get worse, Ingrid. They are reaching out for you. A mysterious "door" was opened, for whatever reason... to YOU! It is said that God works in mysterious ways, Ingrid."

"Oh, this is so difficult! I don't know. That's why many people in the past and all over the world were hospitalized or placed in mental asylums and then diagnosed with schizophrenia? Will this be my future, my destiny, Angelica?"

"I don't think so. You have the decision in your hands, those people you talk about didn't even know what was going on; neither their doctors did but... you do today. If I were you I'd rejoice with happiness and pride, Ingrid. Remember one thing more: your attitudes, by helping, may even be life-saving opportunities for you in your life and spiritual relief in your afterlife! It's like earning spiritual credits and a special bonus."

"I don't know... I only believe in what one does and achieves here, in this planet, not in afterlife or paradise and heavenly realms. I believe in the here and now. Period. The today. That's that! You only live once. Not twice."

"Ingrid... try it out. See what happens. You have a gift many don't have. They are reaching out for you. Help. At least, once, Ingrid."

"No can do. I have a lot going on in my life right now..."

"What?"

"Oh... things."

"Ah Ingrid, I wish I were you... if only for 24 hours. I'd accomplish so much. I'd help. Transmit the messages, assist. I would love to be that bridge for the afterlife."

"I can't. I don't want this. I'm sorry. I'm not cut for this."

Ingrid left the clinic confused but completely determined. She had a lot to think about but she knew that she was not going to be like Cole, the quiet little boy in that film, listening or talking to horrible looking ghost, full of blood and cut parts and following their demands. She could not deal with that, Oh no, she could NOT! No way, Jose! She would not. She'd rather go crazy than that! She had a life!

The voices in her and around her... heard... her thoughts. The others, that were dormant and waiting for a chance, woke up and heard her thoughts, too. They quickly communicated with all the others that weren't around, busy doing their unearthly things nearby; and, they knew what was going on too! The voices talked to one another in a matter of seconds. There were many. There was sorrow and anger.

"She will not help us! What are we to do, now? She will not help us!", said one.

" We gave her all the opportunities! We woke her up from death, saved her from years in coma, we spoke to her through her friend but her mind and heart and soul are closed, blocked and sealed. She's a bad spirit.", said another.

"Maybe the wrong person was chosen... only as few are selected.  She's selfish.", said one more.

"Yes, we wasted our time. She is unworthy and arrogant. Oh... What a waste of time!", said many others.

Ingrid never helped or even tried to help the voices - those poor lost souls. She never even tried once. The voices got worse. She slowly became ill. She felt the changes in her lifestyle and perception. Her different thoughts and behavior were obvious. Finally, mood disturbances and odd attitudes; talking to herself for hours and hours all alone in her room. She never bathed or cleaned her house. She completely lost interest in herself. Her house was a complete mess.

Ingrid saw shadows everywhere and thought that the walls were gone and she was in the middle of a battlefield.

After that, hallucinations, irrational beliefs and disordered thoughts. Next, illogical and incoherent thinking, followed by deep depression, anxiety and impatience and then... euphoria. She would scream, day and night but more in the evening. She wouldn’t dream because her dreams were dark, troubled nightmares full of sound and fury and she would wake up, cornered, afraid and looking out for things coming toward her in the air, around her and everywhere. If she did sleep she begged the voices to stop bullying her, harassing her and provoking her. She would try to touch or cast away invisible shapes around her.

After six months, her family gave up on any other type of medical cure. Ingrid was finally diagnosed with chronic and acute schizophrenia, and placed in a mental institution for the rest of her existence.



Words: 2548