Diary of a Suicidal

          I stared into the crowd of Ariana’s family and friends, and watched as they soaked up some of Ariana’s last words. Some were crying, others on the verge. It was terrifying to know that she had had so much trouble in her life that she would kill herself. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Not here Melissa, I told myself, not when you’re about to speak. I looked into the crowd again, and began my long, but important speech.
          “This is the diary of my best friend, and soul sister, Ariana Clarke. You might be wondering why I just read her personal diary at her funeral. Well, I’ll tell you. You see, Ariana committed suicide.” I paused and watched as everyone flinched at the word. The word was death itself. “As you read this, you can see what she went through in her life, and why she felt like no one cared enough to bother to help her. Her parents are getting divorced, she was failing school, and” I gulped. “and I was dating the one she loved.” I could see the wary glances at my face as I said it. “There was no way to see it on her face however. She took her pain like a good friend would; silently. But, maybe if someone listened to her, we could’ve saved her. Maybe if I asked her if it was okay to date him or her parents stopped fighting for one second to see their daughters pain,” I glared at the couple in the front row, staring intently at the ground, avoiding my scowl. “After first reading this, I thought, do you know how many kids out there are having the same problems? How many kids that don’t have friends who could help them? Maybe if I wasn’t being a jerk to her, she wouldn’t have.. Have.. Have..” That was when I broke down.
          My hands came up to my face, hiding the shame and embarrassment that was exposed on my face. The tears poured out and raced down my face, slowly dissolving into nothing. Ariana, I called out in my head, why did you have to leave me? Why did you leave me alone here? I can’t live without you, and I miss you. You’re my other half, and I know you might not hear me, but I want you to know that wherever you are, I want you to know that I’m sorry, and you will always be my best friend, no matter who tries to change it otherwise. Strong arms closed around me, and I saw Shawn holding me. The guilt couldn’t get anymore worse.

***

          I held the roses in one hand, and a candle in another. I sighed and stared at the faded and worn tombstone. It was only just bearable to be standing here, staring at my best friends tombstone. I read the engraving on it, not having to strain my brain, for I knew the words by heart.

Αναπαύσου εν ειρήνη, Ariana αγαπητού θυγατρικές και φίλος

Ariana Clarke
1995-2010

          I learned Greek only to read the engraving. It said: “Rest in peace Ariana, beloved daughter and friend.” I smiled sadly at it. I had come here every Sunday night after church for 65 years just to read one sentence in Greek. But, I didn’t care. Ariana was worth it, for I owed her. I placed the flowers down, and kneeled down. “Roses were always your favorite, weren’t they?” I asked to air, but I could sense her prescense. I looked down at the ground. “I’ve lost count at how many times I have kneeled here and said I’m sorry, and I know that you’ve listened. One of these days, I will be with you, and I won’t have to apologize. I love you Ariana.” I stood up, grabbed my cane, and slowly walked towards my car.

Hope you enjoyed! I don't know where the idea of this came from.