Letter of Eviction

To: Raccoon Family
34 Summit Road
Sault Ste. Marie, ON, CA
P6B 2F4
705-245-7786

From: Stinger Family
34 Summit Road
Sault Ste. Marie, ON, CA
P6B 2F4
705-245-7786

Dear Sir/Maam,

I would like to start by letting you know that I have the outmost respect and admiration for your species. Your kind consists of supreme intelligence, excellent communication skills, and the ability to conduct successful covert operations at night. Unfortunately, I write this letter with a heavy heart. You see, I currently own the shed that your marmot family is now occupying. This morning I woke up to my garbage spread across the street. I thought the extra heavy duty lids would deter and or prevent you from ripping the shit out of my garbage bags and rummaging through them like a pack of savage welfare kids. I have also tried setting traps in an attempt to capture you and discuss the situation face to face. All of my attempts have failed. You left me with no choice. As you may have already noticed your youngest is missing. He is currently tied up in my basement undergoing interrogation from my son. Let this letter serve as a 48 hour eviction notice. Upon 48 hours expiring you will assemble your shit clan and be mustered on my front lawn with your belongings in hand. Every hour that passes without compliance will result in pain being inflicted on your offspring in a manner I see fit. Sorry you couldn't respect my living space. I have included with this letter a sample of your child's hair as well as a 20 second audio recording of him stating the validity of this letter.

Yours Truly,

Mr. Stinger....P.S...I have no problem eating your child if you want to play hardball.