Forest of Improbability

Forest of Improbability

The tree mercenaries stopped at the perimeter to the forest. The trees stood taller than any other the three had ever seen, and beyond them blackness filled the ground. The forest was unwelcoming at best, and terrifying at normal. It was a sight that brought all kinds of children stories back to life in your head, and they were bound for it.

“Are you sure you want us to go through there, Joa?”

The youngest of the three stood watching the perimeter, plainly uncomfortable. Joa, the oldest of the group turned his gaze from the forest to the young one. At the age of seventeen Hudd was one of the youngest mercenaries Joa had ever met, but he had also met a few who died a soldier’s death before they reached seventeen as well.

“What is it Hudd? Some of the whores in Tabbel Town told ye a few stories, did they? What have I told you about whores Hudd?”

The answer didn’t come from the mouth of the youngling, but from a large, tanned man with a beard any dwarf would kill to obtain. His mouth boomed like a trumpet, and sang of self esteem. He was a barbarian of the steppes, and his double-bladed great axe hang over his back, with the same amount self reassurance that the barbarian beamed.

“Their mouths are not for talking” said Tahl, and mimicked a motion with his mouth to show what they were really used for. The oldest of them grinned.

“Ha, exactly Tahl, you’ve got it right! Now, why shouldn’t we go through that forest lad? Some pixies got a grudge on you? Dryads with a vengeance perhaps?”

The wind swooped over them at that moment, as a form of statement that it approved of Joa’s mockery. He grinned. Hudd did not.

“They say this forest was cursed by that evil fucker Chronian the Third, and all sorts of shit are happening in there. If you go in, you don’t ever come back”

Joa and the barbarian shared a knowing glance they had worked up over several years of companionship, and almost telepathically came to an agreement. Joa spoke:

“Wow, seems like them whores really knew what they were talking about after all. It is true I am afraid, this horrid forest is indeed cursed by the one you spoke of. Though, evil fucker doesn’t seem to fit the bill for the blood-stained, forever cursed spawn of a mother thrown out of hell”

Tahl took over.

“This Chronian is the maddest, and most evil of them all. Rumors has it he eats kittens for breakfast, and wears babies as sandals, and I have reason to believe those aren’t just rumors”

If Hudd had seemed uncomfortable a minute he go, he was now shaking with fear. Joa understood. Even the name of the bastard sorcerer made chills go down his own spine, and they were about to go on a blood mad trip through a forest cursed by him. The General must have had smoked too much Happystraw before he formed out this insane plan. But they had to follow him, he was the General, and he hadn’t been wrong up until now. Joa sighed.

“Yeah, a kitten-eating baby molester fits his persona pretty well, but we still have to go through with this. Trust me guys, this is going to be a piece of melon. We just have to walk though a forest for a couple of hours.”

Joa wasn’t anywhere near as assured as he hoped he sound, but the lads needed some encouragement, and he would be damned if he was going to go through that forest with one pee-friendly scared youngster and a superstitious barbarian without some courage knocked into them.

“A cursed forest” Thal corrected.

“A fucking cursed forest” Hudd echoed.

They entered the fucking cursed forest.

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Once inside, Hudd wasn’t nearly as frightened as he was when he stood outside. He was freaking terrified now. The sunlight nearly never penetrated the layers upon layers of leaves hanging high above them, and where it did unnatural things were illuminated. The forest floor was littered in broken twigs and dying plants and the ground was disturbingly soft. Hudd could see shapes forming in the perimeter of his vision, but every time he turned around to look for them, they were gone.

“I’m gonna strangle the General if I get out this alive, I swear it. First, I’m gonna go do his mom, his sister and his wife, and then I will strangle him. Everything will be done slow and good.”

As any other sane and remotely masculine man would do, Hudd answered his ever increasing terror with increasing rage. It helped.

“Shhh! Would you shut up already! You don’t want to alarm anything we are in here, okay?”
Joa’s voice signified no form of fright in them, and Hudd relaxed a bit. He shut up after that. They walked as silently as they could, and only the howling of penetrating wind could be heard. Hudd noticed proudly that the big barbarian Tahl had a look on his face that told of a fear ranging with his own. He grinned, and for a short moment he felt like a man, and then he was terrified again.

In front of the incredibly silent group stood what can only be described as a woman-like thing. The thing seemed to be busy doing something, with something else Hudd had never seen. All three mercenaries stopped dead in the tracks. The she-thing was 20 feet away from them, currently talking in a language unknown to Hudd. It seemed like she was talking into the black, shiny thing she was holding in our right hand. Although the she-thing looked humanoid, there was something wrong about it. She was way too skinny, and no ordinary human would wear such an outfit. Her upper body was covered in some shiny, pink extremely small outfit. Her or its skin was tanned, but an unnatural tan Hudd had never witnessed. Her lower body was almost not covered at all, a short, deformed kind of skirt managed to hide the area where the most vital parts of a human being would be, but utter then that, skin was visible.

Suddenly, the droning noise that was the she-creatures talking stopped, and she started to turn around. If there had been any doubt in Hudds mind she was not human before, they we’re all washed the way the instant she turned around. Her face looked remarkably human, and might even had been pretty, but when Hudd rested his eyes upon hers or its, all doubt was swept away. It was the eyes of a cow, a very dumb cow at that. And in her arms, covered in some kind of animals skin transformed into a shiny, greasy container sat the demons familiar. It was furry, small and hideous beyond reproach. It might have looked like a dog, but it was malformed beyond recognition.

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Thal was terrified. Terrified beyond though, and into mindless action. Once the demon turned, and looked onto him with eyes of disoriented cattle he froze in place, but once the demon familiar barked it’s war cry he reacted momentarily. He shouted with all his might.

“Joa! Shoot it”

The old veteran archer reacted instantly, pulled free his bow and notched an arrow. If it was old age, fright or sweaty fingers that did it, Thal didn’t know, but the arrow didn’t hit home, but pinned itself halfway through the kneecap of the she-demon. The demon reacted instantly to the shot, and fell down her knees. A sickening crunching sound could be heard as the arrow did it’s work within the knee. Red blood flowed out of the wound. The she-demon counterattacked instantly. She started chanting words that were unknown to Thal the Barbarian, but sounded something like “Omahgad, omahgad, omahgad”.

In one quick glance, Thal met Hudds eye and they nodded. Both stormed ahead. Thal with his great axe lifted above his head, ready to crush down upon the chanting demon, and Hudd with his short sword, ready to kill the familiar. The chanting picked up pace and the “omahgad”s became louder. Everything happened in an instant.

Hudd, inexperienced as he was tried to rush into the familiar with short sword first, but the familiar with its unearthly reflexes jumped away in a swift move, and the sword plunged into the demons lover stomach, where the liver of a human would have been. Hudd was large for his age and the short sword carried on into the she-demon, until the hilt stopped it. In the same instant, Thal reached the thing as well. His intention with his low-cut swing was to sever the head from the body of the head. But as things usually progress in a fight, things doesn’t go as planned. In a reaction to the full stab from Hudd, the demon twitched her head in pain and met the incoming axe front head first. The blade entered the head with relative ease, and dived through skull and bone, and came out on the other side. A large gash was created over the demon’s head, and with that her twitching and chanting ended.

The three mercenaries stood over the body of the demon and pondered. There was an unusual amount of blood coming out of this demon. The formerly blonde hair of the she-demon was now red, and split in half. The most disturbing thing was not the hair though, it was what was beneath it or rather, wasn’t, beneath it. The three mercenaries had killed before, and lots of time with more violence than this, and skulls had been split. But there was something wrong with this one. The usual far-too-pushy guts had made their entrance to the forest floor when Hudd had retrieved his short sword from the body, and in every aspect the demon seemed human in appearance. But across her head, where the axe had met bone and won, there were no bits of brain or any brain at all. The she-demons head was completely empty of a thinking device, and this scared the mercenaries shitless. Perhaps the small, furry familiar was the real demon, and this was just the vessel. All three mercenaries shrugged.

Thal and Joa inspected the body carefully, every other body-part of a human was there; A heart, although very cold, lungs, liver, and all the rest, but no brains. After a while, even seasoned soldiers can get enough of blood, and the two of them retreated from the body, and made signs for them to carry on. Hudd, who had held himself in the background during the body-part bingo then decided to do one check up on the she-demon. He looked about the corpse, trying not to think of it as one. Blood was everywhere, to the point that the eye-sockets of the demon were small pools of it. But as a poor mercenary, Hudd had the golden sixth sense, and eyed a golden wrist-bracelet. He pried it carefully of the she-demon, careful not to touch it too much. He cleaned the bracelet with his water cask. Something was written on it. He could read it.

“Hey guys! Guess the F#'!? what! I know the name of this demon. She had a gods-blown shitting bracelet of pure gold on her”

Two sets of curious eyes met Hudd’s.

“Then what does it say quick pants!” Joa replied smartly.

“It says, lemme see her… Yeah, I got it now. Hilton, it says Hilton.”

Hudd shivered at the name. Something about it made his whole body ache, and he tossed the bracelet away from him. He didn’t want it anymore.

“Why did you do that?” Joa sounded surprised at the young one’s sudden urge to throw away good gold.

“A cursed bracelet” Thal said plainly.

“A fucking cursed bracelet” Hudd echoed.