What Is a Youth? Chapter 2

What Is a Youth?

A My-HiME fanfic by sbemail

Chapter 2: Impetuous Fire

Started on July 20, 2010

Finished by July 22, 2010

After realizing that she was in love with her younger sister, Natsuki couldn't help but find sleep hard to come by, and spent the remainder of the night pondering the implications this might have on the dynamics of her relationship with her sister.

Basically what that means is that she was trying to determine how this was going to screw up their relationship. And from what she could figure, it did not look good. Because of this, she had been in a fierce panic all day. It was not until noon when she finally settled down and attempted to think logically.

"Okay," she said out loud. "So I had one dream in which Alyssa tried to kiss me, so what? There are several things that my mind could be telling me, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm in love with her, does it?"

Sitting down on the couch in front of their TV, Natsuki rubbed her chin thoughtfully, "Okay, so how did I feel when I first fell in love with Shizuru?" She remembered a warm feeling in her chest when she was first able to confess that she was in love, and along with it a nervous lump in the pit of her stomach. "That's right; I felt both happy and nervous at the same time. Almost like when you ride a roller coaster. I wonder... if I get those same feelings when I look at Alyssa-chan, then maybe that'll mean I'm in love with her."

It was worth a shot.

Natsuki reached over to the side table next to the couch, and pulled back a hand clutching a small gold-framed picture of her and Alyssa. It was shot just last year, on the top of a hill over looking Fukka Academy. Alyssa had her arms wrapped around her older sisters waist and her head buried into Natsuki's stomach, while the latter's arms were entangled in the former's golden hair. Natsuki took a good long look at this picture, taking not of everything about Alyssa's appearance, from her cute smile, to her sparkling blue eyes, to her hair which seemed to shine in the sunlight. Other than producing a blush because of Alyssa's cuteness, the picture did nothing to Natsuki.

Natsuki breathed a sigh of relief, 'So then that means I'm not in love with her. What a relief!'

"Tadaima!" Alyssa then called out as she walked into the room, depositing her shoes by the door. Natsuki turned around, still pleasantly surprised by the decision, when she caught a full view of her younger sister. Alyssa turned to her sister and gave her the sweetest smile, "Oh, I'm glad you're home. I need to talk to you." As Alyssa walked towards her, Natsuki nearly doubled over off of the couch, as her heart pounded, her stomach felt like it was twisting itself into knots, and her cheeks (no, her whole body) flared up with the reddest blush that you would have ever seen, had you been there.

Now acting purely on instinct, the logical part of her brain having been overrun with raging teenage hormones, Natsuki quickly hid the picture she was looking at (why she would later be unable to remember) and ran out into the hallway, and into the outside world, shouting, "Not now, I need to run some errands!" over her shoulder, and leaving a shocked Alyssa standing in the doorway.

'What was that all about?'

A few days later, Alyssa had made no progress with her sister, and their relationship began to suffer greatly. The two had barely spent any time with each other, and she had never gone so long without receiving even so much as a hug from Natsuki. She was beginning to get desperate, until one day in her English Literature class, when she had an epiphany.

"Alyssa-san, would you like to read this next section, please?" While the last few days had been miserable, Alyssa had at least been able to find solace in her Literature class: they had begun reading The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, one of Alyssa's favorite plays, and unfortunately she was the only one in her class who found it enjoyable. Of course, she was in elementary school, so it was understandable.

"Yes Sensei," Alyssa said enthusiastically, and began reading from Act 1, Scene 1.

"Romeo: Why, such is love's transgression.
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast.
Which thou wilt propagate to have it pressed
With more of thine. This love that thou hast shown
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.
Love is a smoke made from the fumes of sighs:
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes:
Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet."

As Alyssa finished these words, the entire class erupted with applause, causing her to blush and giggle. She had always been a good reader, especially when reading scripts; she almost turned into an actress. "Very good, Alyssa-san! Impressive as always. Next..."

It was than that Alyssa had her epiphany as she pondered over the words of Romeo that she just read. 'Why, such is love's transgression. Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast... Could it be? Is Onee-chan in love with somebody! Is that why she's been acting like this?'

Alyssa's mind went back to the play as she thought about the context of Romeo's line. 'Romeo was sad because he was in love with Rosaline and he couldn't have her because she had committed to chastity. Is that at all like what Onee-chan is going through? Is she in love with somebody she can't have?'

Alyssa then thought of it in a different way, 'But then again, Onee-chan's behavior doesn't really seem like sadness. But Onee-chan never was very good at expressing her emotions. I wonder...' She quickly worked out a plan to find out.

"Alyssa's getting worried about you, you know," Mai said to her best friend as they walked down the cobblestone path that connected the classrooms to the dorm-rooms. Natsuki sighed, clearly not in the mood to discuss this, especially with Mai. Mai however, pressed on, "She thinks she did something to make you not want to talk to her."

Natsuki's stomach twisted itself into a knot of guilt. She had not realized that ignoring Alyssa for the past few days had made her think that. Looking back, however, she tried to think of how she had not realized that. "That's ridiculous," Natsuki stated. "I'm not mad at her. I think you ought to tell her that."

"Why can't you tell her that?" Natsuki hesitated.

Mai continued, "That's mostly the reason she thinks you're mad at her, you know. The simple fact that you've been refusing to talk to her. It's really been upsetting for her, and for all of us, to see you two not getting along."

Natsuki snapped bitterly, "Well, I'm sorry my angst is being such an inconvenience for all of you!"

"No need to get snippy, I just want you to know what's been bothering you!"

Natsuki sighed. "I'm sorry, I've just been really confused lately. I don't know what to think about myself or my feelings."

"You're feelings?"

Natsuki hesitated, unsure whether or not she wanted to tell Mai the full story. "Well... the thing is..."

"Yes?" Mai gently urged.

"Well... I-I'm in... l-love with somebody."

The two friends stopped walking for a moment, as Mai stared Natsuki down in surprise. "Really?"

"Y-yeah, and it's making me really scared."

"Why?"

Natsuki looked at her feet ashamedly, her face being painted with one of her signature blushed. "W-Well, it's just because of who I'm in love with."

"And who is it?"

"I-I-I... can't tell you."

Mai breathed a sigh of disappointment, "Why not?"

"Because you'll hate me and think I'm disgusting," she mumbled.

Mai could not help but smirk at this; whenever Natsuki was feeling ashamed or embarrassed about something, she would blush heavily and begin to resemble a small child caught in wrong doing. One of Natsuki's cuter features, in Mai's opinion. She was only glad that they were the only ones outside, for her friend's sake. Being unable to resist, Mai pulled Natsuki into a hug. "Now why on earth would you think that? You should know by now that I love you, and I always will no matter what."

Natsuki began sobbing silently into her friends neck, and whispered hoarsely, "Thanks, but you're only saying that because you don't know."

"Then why don't you tell me so I can prove it to you?"

Natsuki did not say anything for a few minutes, before she pulled herself up and stared right at the violet eyes of her friend. Giving a single sigh before opening her heart, she said quietly, "Alyssa."

Mai furrowed her eyebrows, as though she had not properly her Natsuki, and said, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"It's Alyssa. I'm in love with Alyssa."

Mai's eyes widened and her jaw dropped, "Alyssa! You mean, Alyssa as in your sister? Your in love with your ten year-old sister?"

"Y-Yeah."

Mai could not figure out how to respond to this, until she saw her friend's head droop, and realized that Natsuki must be mistaking her surprise for disgust. Immediately she pulled her friend into another hug. "H-Hey, it's okay. I'm not disgusted, and I certainly don't hate you! I was just a little surprised is all."

"R-Really?"

"Yes. I love you, and I always will."

Natsuki was sobbing again, this time much more uncontrollably. "Thanks. I love you too, Mai."

Mai gave a smile at this, but it was not entirely a happy one. 'Natsuki, if only you could realize what I truly meant by that.'

When Natsuki returned home from class later that day, she tensed up the moment she saw Alyssa sitting on the couch. "Hey Onee-chan."

"Hey."

An awkward silence permeated the room, until Alyssa said, "I was just about to watch a movie, would like to join me?"

Natsuki's cheeks flared up, which she quickly attempted to hide. "I dunno, I kind of have a lot of homework to do..."

"And when has that ever stopped you?"

"Um..." Natsuki was silently cursing her laziness. "Well, i-it's really a lot, you see-"

"Enough for you to pass up the chance to spend time with your sister?"

Natsuki's eyes darted back and forth, as she attempted to start edging her way to her bedroom. That is, until Alyssa said something that cut her to the heart. "Maybe it's just me, but you've been spending a lot of time in your room. I've never really been one of those kids that demand attention or anything, but I fell like it's been a while since we spent time together. It's making me a little sad."

This nearly broke Natsuki's heart, "I didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"That's fine, I just wish you would tell me what's bothering you."

Unsure of what else to say, Natsuki conceded, "Yeah, I guess one movie wouldn't hurt."

"Yay!" Alyssa cheered loudly, making Natsuki simultaneously laugh and blush. She went over to the couch and sat down, Alyssa then burying her head in Natsuki's side as she started the movie. Natsuki's eyes wondered to the coffee table and, with a groan, fell upon a familiar-looking DVD case.

"Alyssa..." Natsuki started.

"Mm?"

"Please tell me this movie isn't what I think it is," Natsuki said, already knowing the answer.

Alyssa giggled, "Oh, get used to it," as the opening to Franco Zeffirelli's film version of Romeo and Juliet appeared on the screen. One of Alyssa's favorite movies; one of Natsuki's least favorite. Natsuki let out another small groan.

Reluctantly, Natsuki stayed on the couch and endured the first few moments of the movie; partly because she did not want to upset Alyssa and mostly, though she did not like to admit it, because she was enjoying the feeling of Alyssa's warm body pressed against her own. She was only glad Alyssa could not see her blush.

She mostly made it through by blocking out the movie and instead focusing on the rhythmic breathing of the small girl clutching her hip. She was no longer able to do this, however, when the movie pulled up to the party scene at the Capulet house, when one of the actors began to sing, and Alyssa quietly joining him. Natsuki had always loved hearing Alyssa sing, even more than the people that went to her choir concerts, if possible. She was happy to be able to focus on something that she loved hearing even more than the constant heartwarming reminder that her sister exists, and chose to focus on the sweet voice singing:

"What is a youth?
Impetuous fire.
What is a maid?
Ice and desire.

The world wags on...

A rose in bloom
Will fade to gray,
So dies the youth.
So dies the fairest maid.

There comes a time when one sweet smile
Will have its seasons for a while,
Then Love's in love with me.

Some they wish only to marry,
Others will tease and tarry.
Mine is the very best parry,
Cupid he rules us all.

Caper the cape and sing me a song.
Death will come soon to rush us along;
Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall,
Love is the past-time that never will pall.

Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall,
Cupid he rules us all.

A rose in bloom
Will fade to gray,
So dies the youth.
So dies the fairest maid."

"Wow," Natsuki said breathily, "You have such a pretty voice."

Alyssa giggled. "Thanks."

And then, as yet another surprise, Alyssa began to recite the lines of Romeo and Juliet. Though Natsuki should have supposed that this would happen, as she had done this every time she watched the movie.

"Romeo: If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

"Juliet: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this,
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."

As Alyssa said this, her hand reached across her sister's waist and gently grasped Natsuki's hand. The light, yet comfortable, sensation of the small girl's hand holding her own, combined with the flowery words that Alyssa was repeating, caused Natsuki to blush and wonder why she had agreed to sit down. Of course, she knew that if she could get off of the couch, she would not. After all, would you if you were in her place?

"Romeo: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

"Juliet: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

"Romeo: Oh, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

"Juliet: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

Natsuki had no idea what exactly Juliet meant by this, but all she knew was that she was overcome with a sudden urge to wrap her arms around her sister and kiss her hard enough to suffocate them both. For some reason, the words coming out of Alyssa's mouth seemed to almost be beckoning to her, inviting her to take her sin.

"Romeo: Then move not while my prayer's effect I take."

The star-crossed lovers on screen then kissed. Their exchange continued when they pulled apart, as did Alyssa's recitation.

"Romeo: Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

"Juliet: Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

"Romeo: Sin from my lips? O, trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again!"

Natsuki could no longer take it, and pulled Alyssa's hand up into the air, so that her lips collided with Natsuki's. Alyssa stopped talking immediately, and just stared into her sister's eyes, a mix of emotions swimming in them. For the brief moment before Alyssa's lips met her own, everything in Natsuki's mind went blank, and was replaced with several colorful swear words a moment later, while the two were still kissing, all of them directed at herself.

'What the hell do you think you're doing! Stop it this instant!' she screamed inwardly, while the rest of her body screamed, 'NO!' back at her. Unable to maintain control over her body, all she could do was lose herself in the feel of those petal-soft lips on her slightly chapped lips. She sighed.

Then something else that she did not expect happened. Up until this point, while Natsuki was kissing her sister, Alyssa's body had been tense, as though she were trying to protect herself. But then, she began to relax and even pull in closer to Natsuki. It took Natsuki a few seconds for her to break through the fog and realize that Alyssa was kissing her back! She had even wrapped her arms around Natsuki's neck to pull the two of them closer.

Natsuki came to the conclusion that her sister was a very good kisser.

After what seemed like an eternity Natsuki found the strength to pull herself away from her sister's inviting lips, though admittedly it was mostly just because she needed air. After separating, the two girls just stared at each other in silence, until Natsuki regained full control over her senses and completely pushed her sister off of her, so that they both sat, faces flushes and lips swollen, on the opposite sides of the couch. Eventually, Natsuki stuttered, "Um, er, uh, s-s-sorry about that, I just... um..."

"No, no, it... it's fine, I think," Alyssa said quietly, still unsure of what had just happened. "So, um..."

"Y-Yeah?"

"I-Is, well that is to say... is that what's been bothering you?"

"Well, kinda yeah."

"I see."

Natsuki then heard a distinct sniffling sound, and saw Alyssa quickly try and brush a tear out of her eye. Natsuki nearly stopped breathing, having immediately come to the worst conclusion, as she was known for doing when it came to her sister's welfare.

"Y-You're crying!"

"Huh!" Alyssa jerked her head up at this statement. Right away she tried to deny it, "N-no, that's not it. My eye just itches is all."

She was not fooling anyone. "I-I-I made y-you cry?"

See what I mean? The worst possible conclusion. "No! That's definitely not it! Honest!"

Natsuki, however, was completely ignoring her. 'I made her cry! How could I do that?' At this thought, even Natsuki began tearing up, and she was not well-known for being emotional at all. 'I made Alyssa cry! I kissed her!' Now she was legitimately crying, tears pouring out of her eyes with no plans to stop, as her heart was gripped with sadness and rage directed at herself.

'What kind of sick freak am I!'

"Onee-chan!"

Natsuki looked back at the young girl who—in her eyes, at least—she had just violated. "I-I'm so sorry Alyssa. I don't know what came over me..."

"I do," she stated matter-of-factly. "You did it because-"

"Stop," Natsuki pleaded, the flow of tears now getting even stronger. "Don't say it. Please."

"But-"

Natsuki refused to listen to her, and just quickly ran to the door, tears still streaming down her face, saying, "I have to go."

And with that she was gone. "Onee-chan..." Alyssa murmured, focusing on the recently closed door. "Why?"

TBC

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