The Morning After

I groaned as I reluctantly dragged my body from its slumber.  I hurt all over. My head throbbed with the familiar pain of a hangover. From outside a koel started its maniacal dawn chorus and I remembered I was in the subtropics.  I rolled over and was momentarily surprised that I was lying naked on tiles.  God, no wonder I was so stiff. And speaking of stiff, I looked down at my chafed and sore member. Christ, I must have had a wild time last night. 

Blearily I looked in the mirror and ran my hand over the stubble of a beard. I looked as rough as I felt. My eyes were bloodshot, my hair like a felled forest, all over the place, stuck in angles with the remnants of product. Groaning again, I turned on the shower and leant against the wall, letting the water fall over me. I turned it on to skin ripping hot, then remembering how sticky the tropical weather would be later, I turned it onto cold. Invigorated, I stepped out and looked for the towels. 

For a chick’s bathroom, it was amazingly devoid of femine products. Most of the girls Id been out with had two hundred products lined along the vanity.  Once Id picked them up one by one, trying to recognise what they were. I think I managed the basics, toothpaste, deodorant, sunscreen, moisturiser, hair gel and the other hundred and ninety-five were a mystery. I found the towels, and in my search, I retrieved some deodorant. No razors. For a moment I panicked that I wasn’t in a chick’s house at all. What if it was a bloke – with a beard. That would account for the scarcity of products.  A cold sweat ran down my back. Shit.

My search had also failed to reveal my clothes. I looked at the door, wondering who or what was on the other side.  Too late for stealth, after my shower, yet no one had come to greet me. Perhaps she (I was fervently hoping it was a “she”) was a heavy sleeper?  I wrapped the towel around my torso and turned the knob. It was stuck. I used more force and after twisting the knob a few times and pulling, I realised I was locked in.  Panicking I tried to force it open, I knocked and banged on the door, yelling to be let out. There was no answer. The mother of all hangovers increased with my desperation and I drank deeply from the faucet at the sink. Think!

On the far side of the room was a small window. I could probably squeeze through it. I unlocked it from the inside and  slid the window across. The flyscreen pulled away easily but when I looked down, I discovered that I was three stories above a carpark of a block of smart apartments.  I mentally and physically slumped. Id kill myself climbing down there.  I slid down the wall and crouched on the cool tiles. It was already getting hot outside and the bathroom was steamy.  I was hypersensitive, each noise reverberating against my skull. The keol kept up its maniacal call and was driving me mad.  In a rush, I lunged for the toilet and threw up. Pushing the button, I contemplated the swirling water and took another swig from the sink.  I felt like crying.  No sounds came from the apartment and I wondered if I was going to be left here all day – maybe longer, perhaps made into some sort of sex slave. God I wish I could remember what she looked like. God, I hope it is a woman. Please let it be a woman. I strained to recall what I did the night before, but it only made my head throb all the more.

A door slammed and I heard laughter.  I leapt for the door and put my ear against it. No, it wasn’t from this apartment.  The laughter grew louder and I ran to the window. A young couple were walking across the carpark. She was in a white summer dress, billowing softly in the breeze. He was in shorts and tshirt and they were smiling at each other and laughing.
“Hello!” I called from the window. She froze, mid chuckle and they both scanned the building for the source of my voice. “Over here!” I waved frantically. 
“Hi” she called back, clearly amused.
“Could you please let me out?”
“Out of where?”
“Im stuck in the bathroom”.
“Where’s Lynette?”
Oh thank goodness, it was a woman!  “She went out and I got stuck”.
“hmm, ok.”  Together they went back to the steps and I momentarily lost sight of them. I wondered if they were going to call the police. Well that’s ok, I hadn’t done anything wrong – I hoped.  The bathroom was getting very hot by now. There was probably a fan  but the switch would be on the other side of the door.  I heard a door open and heard the couple whisper to each other. “Hello?”
“Hello!” I called in relief. “Im in the bathroom”.  The door opened and I resisted the urge to hug the girl in the summer dress. I probably would have if I wasn’t naked but for a towel, and her boyfriend wasn’t with her.

“Thank you, thank you so much!” I smiled.  I saw her face scrutinising me and behind her, his face half laughing and half curious. I smiled and slipped past them, and not even looking at the apartment, not looking for my clothes, I ran out of the place, with my towel firmly attached. As I ran across the car park, I heard the door shut. I looked around and they were once again descending the stairs, laughing. I waved and ran.

(Words 996)