Just Another Gothic Love Story

I won't lie to you, a day didn't go by that I wasn't thinking about suicide. It was merely a self indulgent dream however; I never really planned to kill myself. I knew I couldn't. I was needed here and I knew that. Still I liked to toy with the idea of ceasing to exist. It made me feel better.

My thoughts were not always so...Gothic. I was happy once. I was happy for about fifteen years actually. I had a great life. I wasn't rich, but I wasn't poor either. Best of all I had found the love of my life and he had married me. There isn't one thing I don't love about him.

So, how did I end up here...neither in Heaven nor Hell? The truth is this; Heaven wouldn't have me for even the Lord above could not mend my broken heart and Hell had no use for me for the Devil could not torture me more than I already was. When I died my soul had nowhere to go and no one to turn too. I became...no I am... stuck forever between life and death.

I was well loved and liked by everyone. I believed if you loved someone than nothing else mattered as long as they knew and you showed them how much you cared...I was wrong. I found that just because you love someone it doesn't mean they necessarily love you back the same way. That's not to say however that they do not love or care about you at all. No, they love the fact you love them; they just don't feel the same way.

I was happy once....then my husband...my beloved husband....sat me down one day and told me he loved me but he loved another woman as well. He told me he was confused. He told me how he had become involved with this other woman and how he loved her too. He told me he needed time to think. Then he asked me to understand and then he asked me if I would wait on him. I said yes. I said I understood; although that was not entirely true. How was I to understand, I wasn't confused. I had no doubts. Out of all the people in the world I loved him and him alone. For me there could never be another.

He told me I had been the best wife ever and he told me he loved the way I looked at him so lovingly. He told me he loved how much I loved him. Then he told me how pretty I was. Then he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore.

What was I to say? What was I to do? The man I loved more than anything in the world didn't want me anymore.

I lowered my head to hide my pain and I told him it was ok that I understood. As he was leaving he turned to me begging me not to give up on him. "Wait on me!' he said as he walked out the door.

What else could I do. I know what your thinking...you're thinking I could have moved on. Really I couldn't though...like I said I love him...I love everything about him...even when it hurts.

Days turned into weeks then weeks turned into months then months turned into years. He never did come back to me. I waited. I waited in the house he had picked out for me so many years ago. The house we were suppose to grow old together in. I kept it the same much like a mother who refuses to remodel the room of a deceased child.

Every car that would near the house would draw me to the window were I would peer out forever hoping it was him. It never was.

He ended up leaving the woman he had left me for. He never returned to me however...he feel in love with a third woman whom he married and they grew old together.

I never stopped hoping though that one day he would love me as much as I loved him. The day after they sealed him up in his crypt I stopped by the graveyard to plant orange marigolds around him. When I planted the last one along the entrance to his crypt my heart stopped beating and I feel over and died.

I don't know what happened to my body; when they found me nobody knew who I was. His crypt is my home now. I watch over his body and care for it as I did when I was alive. I still love him...and I always will...a part of me feels happiness because I am with him at last.

I seek out the few who know what true love is. The ones that suffer as I do, I wrap in my ghostly arms and hold them as I once wished someone would hold me.