Family Guy: The Murder of Simon Cowel

Family Guy:
The Murder of Simon Cowel

It was a hot and sunny day in Quahog and Brian, the Griffin family's pet dog, was laying on the deck chair he had laid out just in front of the window to the lounge inside.
“Hey Brian! Come and have a look at this” Peter called. Peter was the man of the house. Although he's more like the idiot of the house.
“What is it Peter?” Brian asked as he pulled out the latest issue of the New Yorker Newspaper.
“I have had a message given to me by my dinner!” Peter replied slowly beginning to get exited
“What? Somewhere within the boundaries of eat less junk, eat more fruit? Or... your an idiot and you should try and listen to people when they talk to you more often?” Brian asked sarcastically.
“No better come and have a look!” Peter urged and he ran inside.
“This better be good!” Brian told himself as he followed not so far behind.

When Brian entered the kitchen he saw Peter with his nose almost in his bowl.
“So what is it?” Brian asked
“Brian, there's a message in my Alphabets. It says, Oooooo.” Peter replied with a disturbing amount of fascination.
“Peter, those are Cheerios” Brian implied with a slight tone of annoyance. “Besides why are you having Cheerios for dinner anyway?”
“Because Lois is out and she didn't cook anything!” Peter replied angrily
“Peter your a grown man. Surely you can cook!” Brian stated
“No I can't. Hey wait a minute! Your old enough Brian! Why don't you cook me something?” Peter asked
“Peter I'm a dog! Dog's can't cook!” Brian replied
“Yes they can!” Peter argued
“Name one that is real!” Brian ordered
“Scooby Doo!” Peter quickly replied
“Scooby Doo isn't real Peter” Brian replied shaking his head
“Yes he is! He's an actor in his own films!” Peter argued
“In the cartoon he is drawn like the rest of the characters and in the film he is a computer generated image that is put into frames and animated! Now if you'd excuse me I shall return to my deck chair” Brian replied and he exited the kitchen, back to the front lawn and once again laid back on his deck chair.

Later that day, Stewie had noticed Brian was still on his deck chair and decided to have a little something he called fun.
“Hmm, I wonder what Brian would think of my little spider walking on his chest unexpected” Stewie asked himself as he got out his toy fishing rod and old Halloween spider gift in which he conjoined. When he made sure they were tightly fitted together he lowered the toy spider down onto Brian's chest and began to in quick succession lift and lower his fishing rod like puppet strings causing the toy spider to move about.

Shortly after Brian got annoyed, lunged forward, grabbed the little toy spider and yanked it so hard it made Stewie fly out of his window and go face first into the tree in front of his window.
“Oh crap! Stewie!” Brian gasped.
Stewie got up and rubbed his head. “Damn it dog! What was that for?” Stewie shouted
“Well I was asleep and you were playing with your spider bouncing it on me. I got annoyed and I reacted so...” Brian replied
“Yeah whatever!” Stewie butted in then walked off.
Brian could smell something and sniffed the air. “Wait a minute I know that smell. Brian ran into the kitchen.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to get here. I made your favourites. Cinnamon buns! Fresh as well” Lois explained “Here you go. You can have one now and then maybe one after lunch”
“Oh thank you Lois. Man I love these things” Brian took a bite out of his cinnamon bun then hugged Lois who was kneeling beside him. “And I love you for making them”
“All right that's enough!” Lois implied “Now off you go. I'll call you when lunch is ready!”
Brian walked out of the kitchen, into the lounge, sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

A few moments after Brian had got bored with watching the TV he had fallen asleep. Stewie came in with Meg and Chris.
“Hey, hey, I have an idea. Chris you go and get the tomato ketchup. Meg you go and get a roll of tape pen. When you have them come back here” Stewie explained and he went upstairs and got his plastic knife.

Once they had all got the items Stewie poured some of the tomato ketchup onto Brian's side and taped the plastic knife in between Brian's left arm and his side.
“OK lets go and wait at the top of the stairs. When he wakes up and sees it we come down and look scared” Stewie instructed and He, Meg and Chris went upstairs.

A few minutes later Brian woke up.
“Here we go!” Stewie whispered
“Aaaah!” Brian screamed
Stewie, Chris and Meg ran downstairs and pretended to be shocked.
“Wow dude what the hell did you do to yourself?” Stewie asked
“I didn't do anything!” Brian replied
Lois ran into the lounge to see what all the commotion was about.
Peter came into the lounge not so far behind Lois and brought a burger bap with him.
“Lois do you know where the ketchup is?” Peter asked
“In the cupboard” Lois replied
“That's the problem. It isn't there” Peter implied
“Well then Brian must have had it! Because he has it on him along with Stewie's plastic toy which I don't remember buying him. He also has the tape.
“What? I didn't do anything! I was asleep on the couch!” Brian replied
“Well someone did it!” Peter argued
“Wait Peter! Have you installed that security system yet?” Brian asked
“Yeah!” Peter replied sarcastically
“Lets use that to find out who did it!” Brian replied
“Good idea Brian” Lois complimented and they went into the garage to watch the camera footage.

“Well dude your in for it now!” Chris insisted
“Yes! Well all of us are unless we do something about it!” Stewie replied
“Like what?” Meg asked
“I have an idea!” Stewie insisted

“This is it!” Brian called. He drew slightly closer to the screen and squinted his eyes.
“Is that Stewie?” Lois asked
“No that's that Leprechaun I bought last week!” Peter replied

“So do you want to earn money Leprechaun?” Peter asked
“Aye laddy. Me pot a gold is runnin low on it's loot!” The leprechaun replied
“Your a strange little man and you have my pity! Come with me!” Peter insisted

“Yeah that is Stewie!” Brian implied

They all returned to the lounge and saw Meg, Chris and Stewie in a line.
“Now you two shouldn't of gave Stewie the idea of scaring Brian and us!” Lois explained
“But it was Stewie who gave us the idea!” Chris and Meg replied
“Stewie is a baby!” Lois argued
“I beg to differ!” Brian told himself
“Now what do you have to say for yourselves?” Lois asked
“Sorry Brian” Chris and Meg said together
“That's perfectly alright” Brian replied knowing who was really the main trouble maker as he kept his eyes on Stewie. Lois, Meg, Chris and Peter left the lounge and entered the kitchen.
“So you know about me do you?” Stewie questioned
“What do you mean?” Brian asked
“You know perfectly well what I mean dog!” Stewie replied
“Well, what did you do that for. I mean what are you trying to accomplish by scaring the hell out me like that for?” Brian asked
“It was a joke dog. A joke. Where is the stuff I put on you?” Stewie asked
“Oh I put it in the bin!” Brian replied
“And my plastic knife?” Stewie asked
“Yeah!” Brian replied
“Lunch is ready!” Lois shouted

Brian and Stewie walked into the kitchen.
Brian offered to place Stewie in his high chair.
“Ah ah ah. I can do it myself dog” Stewie said and he climbed up the side of his high chair then when he reached the top he sat down and laughed.

Later on when the family had finished their lunch they sat down in the lounge and as they were about to put on the TV the power cut off.
“Well Peter I guess you won't be watching Magnum PI tonight” Brian explained
“Well it looks like you won't be watching the dog whisperer Brian” Peter returned
“I don't watch that anymore!” Brian replied “Not after last time.

“Right madam all your dog needs is a bit of attention from you!” The dog whisperer explained
“What kind of attention?” The lady asked
“I'll show you” The dog whisperer replied
“OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL!” Brian gasped

“Ha I remember that! Man you should of seen your face” Peter laughed
“I don''t know how you watched it being done” Brian replied
“What did he do again?” Peter asked
“Well, if I told you he got fired then you try and figure out the rest” Brian replied
“Well lets have a game night” Lois insisted
“Oh not another game night!” Peter sighed. And at that very moment there were knocks on the door. “Oh please let that be the guys” Peter ran to the door and opened it.
“Oh hello. Is there a Mr Brian Griffin here?” The man at the door asked
“Brian, Brian...” Peter thought
“Yes that's me” Brian replied as he came to the door.
“Sorry I'm late. The traffic was horrendous” The man said as he gave Brian a letter.
“Don't worry about it! Thanks” Brian replied
“No. I don't know any Brian Griffin sorry” Peter explained and he shut the door.
“So Brian what is the letter for?” Lois asked
“It says that I have been entered in a... Talent Contest?” Brian read
“Wow Brian what are you going to do?” Lois asked
“I don't know. I didn't apply for any talent contest!” Brian replied
“I can't wait to see the dog make a fool of himself on live TV” Stewie laughed
“Did you enter me into this?” Brian Questioned
“No! But either way your in it now so, best get ready. Auditions start tomorrow apparently. Look!” Stewie replied as he pointed to the letter.
Brian looked at where Stewie was pointing.
“He's right! But what could I do?” Brian asked himself
“Well for a small price, I could help you!” Stewie suggested
“What kind of price Brian asked curiously
“You have to do what ever I want for the rest of the week!” Stewie replied
Knowing that Stewie obviously hadn't noticed it was Saturday and the auditions were tomorrow, Brian knew he wouldn't have to do the thing Stewie had offered him anyway. “OK” Brian replied


The next day Brian and Stewie were waiting for their turn in auditions.
“Remember what I said Brian?” Stewie asked
“I remember but will it work?” Brian replied
“Yes!” Stewie returned
“OK!” Brian replied
“OK bring in the next person who auditioned” A man said
“Wait I remember that voice Brian told himself as he walked into the room . As he looked over to his left he saw who it was! “Simon Cowel!”
“Oh no, oh no, no, no!” Stewie shouted and he disintegrated Simon with his ray gun! “I am your new judge Brian!”
Brian just stood there gob smacked along with the rest of the judges looking at the dust on the floor where Simon Cowel was.
“I'll clean it up later” Stewie explained “OK Brian, go for it!”
“Err OK, The sixties bought the hippy breed, and decades later things have changed indeed, we lost the values but we kept the weed, you've got a lot to see...” Brian began
“Wow, wow, wow. What are you doin man?” Stewie asked
“I'm singing you've got a lot to see!” Brian replied
“I thought we said keep it short!” Stewie argued
“Hey Stewie, I thought he was pretty good!” Cheryl Cole said
“Yeah I loved it!” Lewie Walsh replied
“Yeah you would!” Stewie replied
“Can we just get to the yes or no part?” Brian asked
“OK” Stewie replied
“Lewie?” Brian asked
“Yes!” Lewie replied
“Cheryl?” Brian asked
“Yes” Cheryl replied
“Stewie?” Brian asked
“Well you messed up so no!” Stewie replied
“What where did he mess up?” Lewie asked
“At the start because he picked the wrong song!” Stewie replied
“Oh for God sake!” Brian sighed
“Well get over it dog, your through so... lets go!” Stewie shouted
Brian followed Stewie back stage.

“So why did you really say no for?” Brian asked
“Because you picked the wrong song like I said... and because I wanted to embarrass you on live TV!” Stewie replied
“You know. Stewie, If you wasn't such a good friend to me I would kick your ass!” Brian implied and he walked off.
“Gee what the hell?” Stewie gasped

Later that day, the Griffin family were having dinner.
“So Brian how was the audition?” Lois asked
“Well it went great. Stewie became one of the judges” Brian replied
“What? How?” Peter asked
“Simon Cowel had an accident!” Brian replied cautiously
“What kind of accident?” Meg asked
“He got shot!” Brian replied turning his attention to her.
“Oh my!” Lois said as she placed her hand over her mouth.
“This is good. The dog is keeping my secret and I'm not going to get caught as long as I wasn't caught on TV that is!” Stewie told himself.
“So Stewie how did it feel taking Simon's place after he was murdered?” Brian asked
“Huh? Oh, it was great! Yeah!” Stewie replied hesitantly
“What's the matter?” Brian asked as he tried to get Stewie to confess.
“Err. Nothing, nothing!” Stewie cautiously replied
“Brian! What are you trying to do?” Lois asked
“Lois I hate to say this but...” Brian replied
“Don't do it dog!” Stewie whispered to himself
“Stewie killed Simon Cowel!” Brian insisted
“What! Brian how could you say that? Go outside!” Lois shouted
“I'm telling the truth!” Brian cried
“OUT!”Lois shouted.
Brian rested his head on his chest as he walked out of the kitchen and went outside.

Moments later Peter came out.
“I don't want to do this Brian but I'm going to have to tie you to the post” Peter sighed
“It's OK Peter your just doing what you have been told to do” Brian replied sadly “You do believe me though don't you Peter?”
“I can't say I do Brian” Peter replied as he put the rope through Brian's collar ring and tied it on the wooden post next to the tree.
“But Peter I'm telling the truth!” Brian insisted
“Well Brian until you can prove that, You are to stay outside!” Peter replied
“Give me a chance!” Brian urged
“I'm going to have to ask Lois. I'll ask her in a bit when she is ready to speak to you” Peter replied and he re-entered the house.

A few minutes later Stewie came outside and saw Brian lying down on the grass crying.
“Hey Brian! I have something that could cheer you up!” Stewie said as he drew closer to Brian
“Oh and what might that be? Because it's going to have to be good because you have made Lois and Peter put me out the house!” Brian sobbed
“Why are there no migit accountants?... Because they always come out short!” Stewie joked
“Its kinda funny but that's not good enough to make me change my mind about wanting to kill you!” Brian replied and he immediately got up and lunged at Stewie who quickly dived backwards. Brian fought with the rope pulling him back as he attempted to throw punches at Stewie!
“Shame on you Brian. I come out here to cheer you up and you try to attack me. Tut tut tut!” Stewie said sarcastically.
“Brian what is wrong with you?” Lois asked as she came over.
“Lois let me off of this rope and I shall prove I wasn't lying!” Brian sobbed
“Fine! But if you are wrong I shall but you back out here for the rest of the night. You want to know why?” Lois asked
“No. I know why!” Brian replied
“OK!” Lois let Brian off of the rope whilst Stewie ran inside and up the stairs.

Lois and Brian walked into the house and into the living room.
“I take it Peter recorded the X Factor right?” Brian asked
“Yes” Lois replied and she put it on.
“OK bring in the next person who auditioned” Simon said
“Right here look. I walk on, I look to my left and see Simon Cowel” Brian pointed out. “Then bang he gets turned to dust and then Stewie walks on and takes his place! Coincidence?”
“Well I see where your coming from!” Lois replied. Brian's eyes widened “But it's not enough proof”
“Damn it Lois what proof do you friggin want!” Brian asked in annoyance
“The gun that Stewie supposedly used to kill Simon Cowel!” Lois replied sharply
“OK fine!” Brian replied “I'll go and find it right now!” and he walked upstairs to Stewie's room.

Upon entering the room he couldn't see Stewie anywhere.
“Come out Stewie! Just admit you killed Simon Cowel and it's over!” Brian ordered
“Why don't you do it yourself ” Stewie suggested as he hid from Brian
“What do you mean?” Brian asked as he walked further into the room
“I mean why don't you say you killed him!” Stewie replied
“What? I didn't kill him!” Brian shouted
“OK I'll make a deal with you! If you can live through my obstacle course then I'll admit to it if you don't I'll tell Lois you were scared to tell the truth and you killed yourself!” Stewie suggested
“What obstacle course?” Brian asked
“Man how did I know that would be the next question?” Stewie asked himself and he pressed a button on his wall.
“What the hell?” Brian gasped as the entire wall in front of him expanded in both width, length and hight. The walls released giant spinning blades, pendulums, flame throwers, machine guns and lava pits! “Are you crazy?”
“Nope just a baby genius with a hint of fun in between!” Stewie laughed
“I swear if I make it through this I am going to hit you so hard you won't stop crying for the rest of next week” Brian cursed
“Yeah, yeah, whatever man! Now get on with it!” Stewie replied

Brian stepped forward, took a deep breath and ran forward. He saw one of the swinging pendulums coming from his right and slid forward on his back then got back up and continued running.
“Man that dog has style!” Stewie told himself.
Brian then saw a flame thrower about to burst fire and jumped over it then a spinning blade and slid underneath it.
“Damn he's good!” Stewie told himself
Brian then saw a huge obstacle! A huge stone boulder!
“Oh come on Stewie! For one how did you get that to fit and another thing, I'm not Indiana Jones!” Brian shouted as he ran with the boulder right behind him. As he returned his attention to the front he saw even more pendulums, spinning blades, flame throwers and... “Another boulder, What the hell?!” Brian looked to his left and then to his right and saw a rope. Brian threw himself off the path in front of him and jumped onto the rope and wall ran! “You know this would be pretty good if there was some action music playing right now!” Brian shouted
“Sorry Brian I only have the Indiana Jones theme or the Saw theme tune!” Stewie shouted
“Damn, OK put the Saw theme tune on seeming as that what it is mostly at the moment!” Brian shouted back and Stewie put it on.
Brian then jumped back off the wall and back onto the path only to be met with a trio of huge smashing poles that come together. Brian suddenly stopped and thought for a moment. Then he took another deep breath and ran forward. Just as the poles were about to come back together Brian dived forward and saw the end just behind a huge rotating metal fan.
“You got that far Brian but how are you going to get past that?” Stewie laughed
“Well Stewie in case you haven't already noticed there is actually a control panel right next to me so I'll just press this big button in the middle of it” Brian replied. As Brian pressed it the fan stopped along with everything else. However the floor began to shake. Brian took the medal on the stone pillar in front of him and began to return back to Stewie.
“Now would be a good time for your Indiana Jones theme tune Stewie!” Brian shouted as he ran forward with yet another boulder coming right behind him. Brian saw another rope in front of him and he lunged forward and swung forward on it. Upon landing Brian saw a gap in the floor and just managed to jump it.
“Well done dog you made it!” Stewie said as he looked at the crawling Brian on the floor. “However I only made you do that because I saw an opportunity to use my new theme tunes I downloaded!”
“What?” Brian panted with a slight tone of anger and annoyance. “If I wasn't so tired I'd punch you! Anyway where is your ray gun?”
“Here!” Stewie replied as he handed it over.

Brian and Stewie returned to Lois.
“Lois I got the ray gun!” Brian panted
“My God Brian! What the hell happened to you?” Lois asked
“I got caught up!” Brian replied as he handed over the ray gun and fell flat on his face.
“Must of been that new carpet cleaner Febreeze that you put on the carpet!” Stewie joked as he went back upstairs.
“Ah, Ah! Ah! Stewie come back here this instant!” Lois shouted
“Come and get me Bitch!” Stewie laughed and he ran into his room.
“I'll talk to him later” Lois told herself. “Brian I'm sorry about not believing you. But I didn't know how evil Stewie was and...”
“Forget about it! We'll deal with it later. Did you spray Febreeze on this carpet because it smells amazing!” Brian replied

Peter came into the lounge and didn't notice Brian.
“Aaaaaaaah! Damn it Peter! Aaaaaah!” Brian cried
“Peter watch where your going. You just stepped on Brian's nose!” Lois implied
“Well I can't help it if Brian's nose is so big!” Peter replied
“Oh, well at least it isn't as big as yourself!” Brian laughed
Peter didn't retaliate he just turned around and cried.
“Aren't you going to speak to him?” Brian asked
“No I suppose he deserved that one!” Lois replied and Brian and Lois walked upstairs.