Gerard

Kathleen Busnick sat before her professor with a thick, chunky brown braid hanging down her back like a large sausage. Her hand, shaking slightly as it always did for some reason, was poised above her piece of paper. Though the rest of the class was slacking off, she remained silent, her eyes focused as she stared straight ahead.

At St. Peter’s Catholic School, uniforms were required. Her body was held within a plaid skirt, starched white blouse, and a red jacket with the school’s symbol posted on her left breast. Even the shoes--the regular leather work attire type--were chosen for them. She supposed she should have been grateful that she didn’t have to pick anything out in the morning, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was getting sucked into the waters of all the other much prettier girls in class.

Of course, she was not plain--just different, she supposed. Her hair was a nice enough color, and she did have an exciting dabble of freckles across her nose. Perhaps it was her personality that made her fade out when she was surrounded by everyone else: Either way, she could feel the loneliness keenly in the school.

“Hey Kathy,” her neighbor said, a young boy who had a bad habit of coming to school with bags underneath his eyes. “Did you do your notebook assignment?”

Kathleen passed it to him silently, the boy scribbling down answers faster than most would have even deemed possible. In her silence, she tapped her pen on her paper, but that was the loudest that she ever really got. When the boy passed her the book back, she felt relieved.

“Thanks Kathy.” The boy grinned. “You’re a lifesaver.”

Still, Kathleen did not say anything as the boy brushed her shoulder. It didn’t matter, since she had someone waiting for her after the final bell rang. Someone who was fun, exciting, and adventurous…Someone who was perfect.

Gerard--her Gerard. She was so lucky. Twenty-five years old and gorgeous, he was the rebel of his art college. He was loud mouthed and also a bit of a flirt, but she didn’t mind. Kathleen loved that about him, in fact. How fearless Gerard always seemed, ready to take on the world and everyone in it.

The lunch bell rang as Kathleen stood up, her feet tapping on the floor as her friends engulfed her in a bustling pack. She looked at them out of the corner of her eye, but she let nothing exit her mouth but a tired sigh. She crossed her arms over her breasts protectively, as if her friends might attack her if she just let them. Against her bust she tucked a book, warm from the afflictions of her heart.

“Hey Kathy,” one of the girls giggled, already linking arms with Kathleen’s bony wrist. “Did you do the math from yesterday!? I totally blew it off.”

Silently, Kathleen nodded her head, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Her backpack was already being opened, the book drawing out slowly, the pages flapping as if saying goodbye to her. Her hands gripped her pencil tightly, balling into fists, but once again she kept herself dead silent.

Kathleen sighed as she picked a table, sitting down as she stared at the off-white coloration. Her friends talked all around her, but still she drew into silence with her hands clasped in front of her. All around her was bustling, but inside she remained so stagnate.

It reminded her of the first time that she had met Gerard. She had been sitting at the public library--studying as usual--when she had felt someone sit down beside her. For a moment she drew into herself, thinking that it had to be some kind of mistake. She usually kept to herself when she was here, and her friends weren’t the type to dwell among literature of any sort.

‘You’re kind of cute,’ Gerard had said. ‘Why don’t you go out with me today?’

Flushing in embarrassment after meeting the wild youth, she had scurried away from him glowing like a lobster. But he came back again and again, day after day, until she finally gave in to his prompting. It was the first time a boy had ever gone to such lengths to pursue her.

“Here you go, Kathy,” her friend laughed, handing the book back as she was knocked back to her own world. “Thanks so much…”

Kathleen nodded silently as she moved on to her next class--daydream lesson she always called it. Biology was incredibly easy for her, and she had no trouble keeping up with everyone else even if she dazed out during the lesson. It was, however, a very nice end to her day.

The moment the teacher approached the board, her eyes went into a daze. Slowly she smiled, fading father and father away, the lulling of the instructor’s voice like a lullaby. Already she could taste Gerard on her tongue as if he was inches away, his scent filling and consuming her.

‘Come on,’ Gerard had said on their first date--so strange in her world. ‘We’ve got somewhere left to go.’

Kathleen blinked in surprise. After the entire day that was filled with things that she didn’t usually do, she was uncertain of what was left. Already she had gone so much father away from things that she knew. What else could drive her more and more into uncharted waters?

‘But it’s late.’ Her eyes flicked. ‘And I have to study for a test the day after tomorrow.’

‘Just one more hour,’ he chided, laughing to himself as he always did.

Before she knew it, she was being pulled into a world of rock music, filling her senses. Women around her danced wildly as if their bodies were on fire, whipping their hair around. Kathleen caught the scent of cigarettes, hairspray, and sweat as everyone pulled together in such a heated space. All this was something that she had never experienced before.

She blinked, smiling to herself as the final bell rang. Grinning happily in response, she stood up as she thought of her perfect Gerard. Now, finally, it was her chance to meet him.

Slowly she stood up, peering out the high windows with the usual misty eyed expression. Suddenly, like a sucker punch to the stomach, she felt a cold hand brush her shoulder, her teacher standing close behind. When she turned around, he was smiling at her.

“Kathleen,” the instructor said. “Are you ready to work out those scholarship sheets?”

With tears in her eyes, watching the slowly emptying lot, she turned one more time to see no one…Just like every other day.