Moms last advice.

Moms last advice
By Merike Malan

I never knew how much one person could mean to another until I lost the one person that meant the world to me, who taught me everything I know and is still teaching me the secrets of life…

This wasn’t just someone, it wasn’t some ordinary person… It was a person I could turn to when I needed help, a person who would give me ice-cream when it was one of those day’s and a person I called, “Mom”… She wasn’t only my mother, she was my best friend. One of those friends who would laugh just because I laughed, would listen when I speak and would cry with me when life became too rough. Now I’ve got no one to turn to, no one that I can speak to and no one that can cry with me in times of sadness.

Like a candle in a dark room I’m alone, my life slowly burning short. Each day feels like a mask being forced on me even though I fight with all my might to get it off. It feels like one of those nightmares where you’re being chased but you can’t run fast enough and your lips don’t want to move when you want to scream for help…

“Don’t worry princess, mommy’s here… Everything is going to be alright. ”, Mom’s voice echoes through the emptiness of my mind. This seemed to be happening quite often I realized. “I can’t do it any more!” I shout to ears that are deaf. Day in and day out the mask I’m wearing keeps getting tighter. I feel trapped in a box where my oxygen is getting less and less, trapped like Mom is… “You can do everything you put your mind to darling. Like a diamond-cutter creating a beautiful diamond, it takes years to learn the skill to be able to transform that uncut rock into a diamond fit for a king’s crown and years more to apply it. You’re the uncut rock waiting to become an extraordinary diamond, but you can only do it by letting go…” Mom’s words flows over the savannas of my heart and over the waterfalls of my eyes. It feels like she’s trying to melt down the mask I’ve been wearing since her death… Suddenly I’m crying uncontrollably for the first time after her death and I feel how my mask is being lifted as if it weighs a thousand ton’s…

Still staring at the photo in my hands I realize the sun came out behind the clouds and is dancing on the cold, hard wooden floor in front of me, Mom is trying to keep me warm at the time I’m the coldest, trying to tell me that she’s not gone but only waiting, waiting for us to be together again and that she’s somewhere she can look over me...