Please Tell Me Your Answer

Disclaimer: the real people belongs to their respective management agency, i own the plot only and it had nothing to do with real people and the event is not intended to imply that it had happened or might happen.


He has been wandering around the area for what felt like forever, feeling that somehow he has left something important at this place, but he can’t remember what it is. He sits on a bench not far from the field, and sighs deeply.

A handsome man walks to the bench and sits beside him without saying anything. He looks at the handsome man, hoping that somehow the man can talk to him but the man doesn’t say anything to him, not even looking at him. Even though he had hoped that the handsome man would talk to him, he doesn’t say anything to the man either. He just sits there staring at the handsome man’s features.

He doesn’t know why, but he is drawn to that sad expression on the handsome man’s face. The handsome man is staring off to a spot under a big tree beside the field; the only expression shown on his face and eyes are pain and sadness.

It’s getting dark and the breeze is blowing rather strongly, he waits for the handsome man to take off and head back home, but the handsome man doesn’t seem to mind the cold weather, as if not caring about himself at all. He keeps waiting for the handsome man to leave the place, and after hours of sitting in the same spot, the handsome man stands but almost falls down when he tries to walk because his legs have gone slightly numb from sitting all day. He sits again for a few minutes before walking off, leaving the cold bench.

He follows the handsome man out of worry. The cold sad expression the handsome man has on his beautiful face draws him to want to know the reason behind the sadness.

The way back to the handsome man’s house is somehow cold. The man’s steps are slow and weak, as if the man is lost in his own thoughts again. The condominium is not far from the field but the journey back feels so long.

He’s been walking behind the handsome man at a rather safe distance to keep himself hidden from the man’s knowledge of his existence. When the elevator doors are opened, he runs to enter with the handsome man. The handsome man presses the button to his floor then walks to the back and leans on the wall.

The handsome man silently leans on the wall and stares at the numbers displaying on the elevator until ‘ding’, he is startled by the abrupt stop and quickly makes his way out.

When the handsome man opens the condominium door, he quickly slips in behind the man before it is closed. The handsome man walks to his living room, emptying the contents of his pockets; his wallet, his phone, his keys, a cigarette box and a lighter; onto the coffee table. He throws himself on the couch and stares blankly at the ceiling. He seems lost in his own world again completely ignoring everything around him.

His phone is vibrating not long after that, he is cut through his reverie. He looks at the phone as if deciding whether he should answer it or not after identifying who the caller is.

“Hello,” his voice faint and hoarse, like he hasn’t used his voice for a long time.

“Jin, get your ass here now!” the person on the opposite line says loudly. The handsome man, who is called Jin, flinches a little and pulls away from the phone.

“I’m not in the mood for clubbing,” he replies weakly.

“I said come here at once!” the person on the other line seems angry.

“God, Ryo! I told you I’m not in the mood!! Fuck you!!” Jin is furious and on impulse he throws the phone at one corner. The phone hits the wall with a loud thud and breaks into pieces.

Jin looks at what had happened in wide eyes. As if feeling his emotions are already leaking, he lets out all of them by his tears. He breaks into unstoppable tears, palming his face in his hands.

Looking at the handsome man crying painfully, he feels the urge to go to him and hug him, but he knows he shouldn’t. However the scene feels so unbearable for him to just watch from the side. He walks to Jin and sits beside him and reaches for the crying man, but as he wraps his arms around him his limbs go through Jin. He wants to touch him be he can’t, every time he tries to touch Jin his body passes through him. He wants to comfort Jin but he can’t touch him, he can’t feel the warm body and he can’t hug Jin. He tries to rationalize the reasons as to why he can’t touch Jin with his own hands, when he finally realizes why, he is a lost wandering soul that can never be seen or heard by Jin or anyone else, a lost soul that cannot touch and comfort the person he wants to help. He sits beside Jin and cries with the man.

+++

It’s been 2 weeks since that fateful day when Tomohisa realized what he had become. After that day Tomohisa has always stayed beside Jin, wanting to protect and bring happiness to the handsome man even though he doesn’t know how. Tomohisa is always there when Jin cries his heart out, when he is whimpering in his sleep, when he is lost in his own thoughts, and as he watches over Jin there is nothing he can do to help him. He tries to reach for him, hoping so hard he can hug Jin and comfort him but he is always met with the empty air. He tries to speak to Jin, to tell him everything is fine, he shouldn’t be too sad and he should be happy, but he knows his words never reach Jin. Finally he sits beside Jin looking at him worriedly and cries together with him.

Tomohisa really wants to know the reason why Jin is so sad, why he keeps sitting on that bench with that sad expression everyday after work until night falls, why he cries painfully every night, but he never gets the answer. He looks around Jin’s room and his house but finds nothing that could answer his questions, it’s as if Jin has thrown away all the things that could remind him of the sad things, but the memories still haunt him.

From nightmares Jin has every night, Tomohisa knows that Jin has lost someone who is so important to him. He feels sad for Jin and at the same time he feels his heart is jealous towards the person who gets Jin’s love.

That night, someone comes to Jin’s house. Ringing the bell and pounding on the door non stop, but Jin is ignoring them. He is on his bed curling under the cover and crying again.

Tomohisa is curious to know who the person Jin is so persistent in ignoring. He wonders if maybe that person is the one who has hurt Jin’s heart, causing him to be in this intense sadness. He walks outside to meet with a short man, who is grudgingly pressing the bell and knocking on the door.

Tomohisa feels like he has seen this man somewhere before but he can’t recall from where. He is startled when he hears the man’s phone ringing. He watches as the man answers the call, “What?” his voice sounds furious. Tomohisa can’t hear what the other person on the line says but from the short man’s replies he knows they’re talking about Jin.

Since he is so curious about Jin, and he thinks he can get information from the short man, Tomohisa follows him when he leaves Jin’s house.

The short man gets inside a car and Tomohisa phases through the door taking the seat beside the man on the passenger side. The short guy seems so angry and frustrated that he doesn’t care he is speeding on the highway. The intense and reckless drive causes Tomohisa to feel like he could die again if they were to get into an accident.

As the short man pulls into a house, Tomohisa follows him and is met with a tall man at the front door. The tall man appears to be a mixed race of Japanese and another foreign country.

“What the hell is wrong with him? He shuts everyone out after that accident. Does he even care about us? We are his friends!!” the short man burst once he steps inside. “At the very least he could talk to us, so we can understand his pain and do something about it!!!” he lets out his frustration over Jin’s behavior.

Tomohisa is stunned by the information.

“Ryo, he needs his time. Just wait for another few days. He needs time to accept it,” the tall guy says calmly to calm down the raging man.

“It’s already been 3 months for god’s sake!!” the short man named Ryo says in a furious voice. “We’re Pi’s friends too and we’ve accepted it!” he says as he frustratingly lets his hand through his hair.

Tomohisa gets the feeling that they are talking about the reason why Jin is so sad and it has something to do with a person called ‘Pi’ and some accident. Tomohisa is more curious and he wants to know more about this ‘Pi’ guy and the accident.

“We need to be patient and understanding with Jin; we can’t be all forceful and aggressive with him, because it will just push him farther away. Pi was his best friend. They were extremely close friends and Jin must be feeling a lot more lost than we are…” the tall guy says with his calm voice. He is trying to control his shorter friend’s mood.

“It’s like he’s acting as if he lost his lover, like he actually loved Pi more than a friend” Ryo says in a lower tone regretting his hostile attitude towards Jin earlier, realizing that he should have been more understanding towards Jin’s feelings.

“That’s it!” the tall friend says suddenly. Ryo looks at him questioningly.

“I think he was in ‘love’ Pi more than we ever realized, that’s why he is affected so much by his death and now he can’t go on with the fact” the taller concludes his train of thought.

Maybe realizing it too, Ryo’s surprised reaction looks softer as he nods, “Maybe, he really loves Pi.”

Tomohisa feels his heart tingle at that bit of information. He can’t grasp his feelings, it’s not jealousy like he experienced every night when Jin whimpered, begging his love to return. This feeling was different; the knowledge that Jin loves that person so much makes him feel slightly happy. The mixed feelings makes him wants to see Jin at that moment.

He runs through the wall and flies back to Jin’s apartment. The journey back to Jin’s house feels so long to him.

When he arrives, he can’t find Jin. He looks in Jin’s bedroom, the washroom, the store room, every room in the house but Jin is nowhere to be found. He wonders if Jin went to the usual bench at the park. However, before he could walk through the wall to go outside, he feels a light breeze of wind flow inside the house from the balcony. He runs to the balcony and sees Jin is standing at the edge.

Tomohisa wants to grab Jin and pull him away from the edge but he can’t. Tomohisa is frantically panicking, he doesn’t know how to prevent Jin from jumping off the railing and he wishes hard that he can grab Jin’s hand, catching him before he falls.

“Please wait for me a bit more, I’ll be with you soon. I’m regretting not telling you that night, but ‘I love you’ Tomohisa.”

+++

BANG!! SMASH!! The car crashes into the divider at a really high speed, flying off about five meters before crashing to the ground.

+++

“I love you…” Yamashita Tomohisa aka Yamapi says looking inside the beautiful dark eyes of the man in front of him.

"Pi...," Jin is fidgeting, not knowing what to say, he is in a deep shock, never expecting his best friend, Yamapi would have those kinds of feelings for him.

They are standing under the big tree not far from the bench. Jin couldn’t look into Yamapi’s eyes, as Yamapi lessens their distance.

Jin almost sighs in relief when Yamapi’s phone goes off interrupting them. Yamapi looks at the message that just arrived and frowning at the content. He shuts his phone and steps closer to Jin, “I love you” he says before leaning in, kissing Jin on the lips. It’s a sweet and tender kiss but Jin doesn’t reply since his mind still can’t grasp what is happening.

“Please tell me your answer when I get home” Yamapi says excitedly as he rushes to go to work.

+++

Tomohisa is jolted out from his memory and he realizes why he is still in this world despite being dead. He is still waiting for Jin’s answer. He’s finally gotten his answer, but what about Jin…he looks down at the ground from the 20th floor. He is frozen seeing Jin’s body smashed on the ground, as blood gushes from his body wetting the surrounding place with concentrated blood.

He wants to cry when he sees Jin standing beside his body and looking up at him. A smile plastered on his face. Tomohisa flies down towards Jin and reaches for him, falling into his embrace. He can finally touch his love although Jin’s body is cold. He kisses Jin and they share a deep and passionate kiss.

“I love you Tomohisa” Jin says to Tomohisa once they pull away from the kiss, staring lovingly into his eyes. “I knew you were with me this whole time. I could sense your presence but I was afraid of death at first. I knew the only way to be together again was for me to die as well, so I’m glad I killed myself because now I can be with you forever” Jin says as tears stream down his face.

Tomohisa can’t find words to say, so he kisses Jin instead to let him know his feelings. He is glad they can be together, finally.

+++

Akanishi Jin killed himself.

Akanishi Jin is found dead after jumping off the 20th floor from his own balcony.

His friends don’t have the tears to cry over another death although they are truly sad, they can only hope Jin can find happiness with Yamapi and be together in the other world.

--the end--

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