My One Soul

“My One Soul”

By: Rachel Law

Clear pd.1-White

















I never noticed it before; how his eyes were a deep shade of hazel. His hands are strong, yet he has the gentlest touch. I never before had seen how handsome he looks in his black sweatshirt. Why now do my eyes open to see him in a whole new way, when at one time he had only seemed to be a guy who would always be a friend to me? I cannot even present an explanation as to why now, after so many years, I see Warren Scott as someone who could be more than a friend to me. I can only hope that I do not share this revelation alone; that Warren also has seen me as something different.

In school, he is all that I can think about. I need to tell Emily about what has happened to me. She should be able to tell me what to do. “Hey, Emily, I need to talk to you about something. Can we meet after class?” I lean over as we are taking notes in math to ask her this.

“What do you want to talk about?” she asks me even though I already told her I want to talk outside of class. I love her dearly, but sometimes she just doesn’t listen to me.

“Not right now,” I whisper, “I don’t want anyone to overhear. It’s private and I don’t want anyone to blab if they ‘accidently’ eavesdrop.” At this point, in my head I am thinking that I might regret even telling Emily about my sudden feelings for Warren. Being his sister, I don’t know what she will think of my newfound crush. Will she be excited? Will she find it utterly disgusting? I’m not sure what she’ll think. Oh, gosh, am I scared!

The bell rings just then, while I am still debating over whether or not I should tell Emily about her brother. Here she comes now to talk to me. Quick, Abigail, decide what you’re going to do already! Ok. Just tell her and hide your face in shame.

“So, what do you want to talk to me about that we couldn’t talk about in class?” Emily whispers as she walks up to me. I can see that she thinks something is wrong by the worried look on her face. I have to tell her now that she thinks something is wrong. Well, here goes…

“I have a confession to make. Yesterday, when Warren, you, and I went to the movies together, I had a very startling realization. I started to have feelings for your brother.” I just put my feelings out there. Although I think her response may not be a good one, I am relieved to have said them.

“What?” Emily’s hazel eyes widened as she heard what I confessed. “How do you like my brother? You’ve been friends for years and you now just ‘suddenly’ have feelings for him. Are you feeling okay, because I am positive these ‘feelings’ that you have is some kind of disease. You cannot have feelings for Warren! He’s my brother, for Christ’s sake! Ugh!”

“I’m sorry! I can’t help that I have feelings for him. Don’t even ask how they just suddenly appeared!” I say to her as she opens her mouth to ask the question I just told her not to. “I don’t know that, either. All I know is that we went to the movies as friends and when we left, I don’t know what happened. I just saw him in a different light. It was as if I have been blind for the past four years that I have known him. I swear that I never saw anything appealing in him before, but when I actually really looked at him, it hit me. I like your brother a whole lot. Hey! Emily, get that disgusted look off your face right now! I know that he’s your brother, but I like him now. You can’t do anything about it and neither can I.”

I can only look at her now. Her expression is an indication that she is deep in thought. I wonder why she sounded so shocked about this. I mean, I wasn’t surprised at all when she developed her little crush on my cousin. But, I at least knew that was pointless because he lived in Nebraska and already had a girlfriend. I’m not even sure when the last time Warren ever even went out with someone, so I guess that that might be the difference. I should explain to her why she shouldn’t be freaking out about this.

In a whisper, I say her, “You’re confused. I can understand why because I was too, at first. But, when I stopped to think about it, I realized that maybe I liked him all along. There were all these signs that I did, and somehow I missed them all up until yesterday. Do you understand at least a little bit now? It isn’t a really good explanation, but it is the only one I have.”

“I do understand, Abigail,” she said, “but I was thinking about Warren. I should have seen it before, but I just didn’t think about it. Warren is always putting his arm around you, he is constantly looking for you when we get to school in the morning, and he never shuts up about you when we’re at home. Abigail, I think my brother likes you, too!”

“Are you sure?” I never really thought about him maybe liking me back. In fact, the idea is slightly scary. Warren is twenty-one, and I’m seventeen. I’m still only in high school. What if we start dating? We would go out to a diner and he would order a cheeseburger and a beer, while I, on the other hand, have a Pepsi with my meal. It just seems like it would feel weird for him. What about Emily? How awkward is she going to feel if her brother and her best friend start going out? I really wish Emily hadn’t said anything, and I could like Warren without thinking about the possibility of him liking me back.

“Hey, Abby, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” She looks worried about me. Honestly, I’m worried about me. I feel sick.

“I think I’ll be fine. I just never thought about his feelings. The possibility is frightening me.”

“What do you have to be scared about? Is it because he’s twenty-one, or is it me? Don’t worry about either of those things. Your age difference isn’t a big deal and I will be fine…”

While she says these things to reassure me, I see that my problems are not ending, because I see Warren heading right this way. I forgot that he picks Emily up after school, and I also realize that I have missed my bus. “Hello, Warren.” I say to quickly cut my friend off in her speech, since her back was turned towards Warren.

“What’s up, Abby? You look sick. Are you okay?” Oh, how Warren’s eyes darken when he is worried! He is just too sweet! Once again, I must ask myself how in the world I didn’t realize that I liked before now.

“I’m fine” I manage to squeeze out. “I do feel a little sick, though. Could you take me home, please?” After all, I already missed my bus, so it couldn’t hurt to ask. Or could it? I can’t stop looking at him and thinking about him right now. Something might slip out.

I realize that I had just expressed my thoughts aloud; it happens to me a lot. I cover my mouth and coughed, thinking he wouldn’t hear what I had just said. But, he already had, and now I’m going to die of embarrassment. I look at him shyly, not knowing what he is thinking. He opens his mouth, and here comes his response… “Come on, then, let’s get you guys home.” He turns around to start to leave.

“Wait a minute!” I hear myself saying, “Did you just hear what I said? I know you did, so why aren’t you freaking out?” It made me angry that he had no reply to my thoughts about him. Even if he didn’t have a great response, I surprisingly wanted to know what he thought about me.

He turns around to face me. “I was just thinking about what you said. It caught me off guard, Abigail, so I didn’t know how to respond to what you said. I’m not freaking out because I like you, too.” Whoa! I did not see that coming! He likes me too, but for how long? Did he just realize it yesterday, like I did?

“Okay, so this is getting really weird for me.” Emily starts to back away from us as she starts to talk. “Could you guys possibly do this another time? Warren, we really need to get home. C’mon, Abigail, let’s go!” Poor Emily, she just got stuck in the middle of the most awkward conversation ever. I hope she doesn’t have nightmares about this, because I’m her best friend who just found out that her brother likes me back.

I sit in silence the whole way home. I have to think about what was said about at the school. Everything that just happened reels in my mind like a movie in fast forward. It makes me happy to know that he likes me too. Since I know that he likes me now, I have to go and tell my mom about my feelings. It’s scary because I know she will think that Warren is too old for, even though he really isn’t. I can already hear my mom’s voice…

“No! I will not allow you to go out with him! He is way too old for you.” My mom reacts so harshly to my revealing my feelings for Warren and his feelings for me.

“Mom, he didn’t ask me out! We just found out that we like each other. Besides, I am almost eighteen. He is only four years older than me. How is that too old?” I was fuming. Who does my mom think she is? I am old enough to make my own decisions, and I will date Warren if I want to.

“It’s too old when he is twenty-one and you’re only seventeen. Honey, he drinks. What if he tries to influence you to start?” It’s funny that she had no problem with Warren before today. I see what she’s trying to do, though. My mom, Samantha Garret, of all people is trying to pull the ‘he might pressure you into drinking’ card. She is one to talk!

“Mom, don’t even start with that! You dated Dad when he was twenty-two and you were only sixteen. He got you to start drinking, remember. That’s how you got me! So you have no room to talk.”

“Abigail, don’t you realize that I learned from the mistakes I made? I haven’t touched a drink in so long. And, now I’m trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes. I love you, honey, but I did not want to be pregnant with you at that age!” She really laid it on me. I don’t care, though. I will not make the same mistakes as her. I will not be like her. And I know that Warren wouldn’t try to pressure me like that.

“Whatever, Mom, I am going upstairs to my room. All you try to do is ruin my life. I can make my own decisions; I’m practically an adult now, anyway.” I ramble on as I trudge up the stairs. Mom will come up when I don’t come down for about an hour. But she won’t find me here, because I am leaving as soon as I can get my stuff packed for tonight. I will stay at Warren’s whether my mom likes it or not. I’ll come back tomorrow and suffer the consequences then.

………………….

One day turned into three weeks and then into six months when I didn’t go home. I had gone back the day after the fight with my mom and she started to question me about my whereabouts. Then I was grounded from going anywhere other than school, which prevented me from seeing Warren. She even said that I wasn’t allowed to see him until I turned eighteen. That’s was the final straw with me. She was being so critical of someone that I liked and I wasn’t going to take it anymore! I snapped at her and told her that I was leaving. She tried to stop me as I went upstairs to pack, but I locked the door to my room, and when I was done packing I climbed out the window. Warren had stayed in the driveway and so he took me home. He tried to agree with my mom, but I stopped him. He is better than what my mom thinks of him.

I’ve been staying here ever since, accepted in the home where my best friend and my boyfriend live. Their parents didn’t care that we were dating; if they do have a problem I don’t know about it. They are so nice and welcoming towards me that I already feel as if I am a part of the family. Neither of them even care that their son and his girlfriend live in the same house.

Warren has been the most accepting person about me moving in. He seems to understand that my mom just is holding us back. Ever since I moved out, I have felt so much more freedom. Warren and I go somewhere almost every night, whether it’s on a date or to a college party. And, just to prove my mom that I am responsible, neither Warren or I have touched a drop of alcohol. I really showed her that I can’t be pressured.

We are going to another party tonight for our six month anniversary. I can’t believe that we have been together for so long. At this party, there will be alcohol served. Because I have my license now, I told Warren that he could drink a little if he wanted. He is allowed to since he is almost twenty-two now. He was a little hesitant, but I told him it would be fine.

“Abigail, you look great! That is such a cute outfit for the party.” Emily just walked into our room and saw what I plan to wear tonight. It is lavender colored blouse with a jean jacket, a tan flowing skirt, and sandals. I’m glad I have Emily’s opinion because she knows fashion way better than I do. If she likes this outfit, I am sure that Warren will.

“Hey, Emily, do you really think I look nice? Are you sure it’s not too plain?”

“You look absolutely amazing! But, shouldn’t you be going? It’s almost six and Warren will be back to pick you up any minute now.” Oh, no I hadn’t realized what time it was!

I rush down the stairs and outside just as Warren pulls into the driveway. I get in the car and kiss him. He smells like a waterfall, a sure sign that he likes the cologne I gave him for our anniversary. We pull away, and he pulls out a small box. He hands it to me, and I open it to find myself looking at the most beautiful bracelet I have ever seen. It a golden chain with jewels hanging down from it. There were amethysts, emeralds, and rubies; these are all my favorites.

“Oh my, Warren, it is absolutely gorgeous! Where did you get something so beautiful?” I would never say this out loud, but I wonder how he could have afforded it. He works at Dollar Tree and makes only $8.50/hour. This must have cost a fortune!

“Abby, this is to pay you back for all the joy that you have given me for the past six months. I hope it’s enough.” He speaks to me so sweetly and he always thinks that I deserve more than what he gives me. If only he knew that all I want is to be with him, which I am so I am happy. How could I ever want more?

“It is more than enough. I love it! And, I love you.” We kiss again to signify that he agrees with me, that he loves me too. Now we are off to the party.

We arrived at the party around 6:45pm. We went in, and for about half an hour Warren went around introducing me to the people there that I don’t know already. I tell him to go and have fun, so that I can stop and take a break from being passed around. I sit down for a while, and talk to Warren’s friend from his Science class. She is the person that I am closest to from his crowd. I hang out with her for a while because I don’t need to hang out with Warren. He and I live together already, plus we’re going out to a movie later on. We will leave in about an hour.

“All right everybody; has anyone here seen my girlfriend? We need to chitty-chat.” Oh no! Please do not tell me that that is who I think it is!

Sure enough, though, Warren comes around the corner, so drunk he can barely walk. He spots me and comes running. He never gets to me though because he trips; like I said he was extremely drunk and tipsy. The girl that I was talking to stands up and helps him to his feet. He comes over to me and starts kissing me. This time, he smells of beer instead of a waterfall.

“Babe, I was looking for you everywhere! You should join in the partying and have some fun!” Warren is so drunk! I take the beer he’s holding and I hand it to someone else.

“Come on, Warren, let’s go. I’m taking you home!” He tried to refuse, but I threatened to take his car and leave him, so he ended up coming along. I am angry because I didn’t expect him to drink so much that he is now acting like an idiot. I really thought he would be more responsible than this. We will have to have a talk about this.

“What did I do, baby? Did I do something wrong? You know I love you, right?” He just kept rambling on, asking if he had done something wrong, if he had said something, or if I knew about his love for me. I knew he loved me, and I loved him too, but his actions were completely irresponsible.

We get in the car without a word and with me in the driver’s seat. I start the car up and we get out on the road. Warren starts to talk again, this time more seriously. “Really, Abigail, what did I do that was so wrong? You told me that I could drink, so why are you making such a huge fuss?”

“I’m making a fuss because you took advantage of me being your designated driver. When I said you could drink, I didn’t mean that you could go and get wasted. I can’t believe that you thought that would be okay!” This was ruining our six-month anniversary, and he probably won’t remember it tomorrow morning. It’s so horrible.

“Well, at least we can still go to the movies and have a good time. So, what are we going to see?” He says these things as if the party just ended early and he did nothing wrong. Who does he think he is?

“We’re not going to see a movie. Instead, I think we might just go home because you are too drunk for me to take you anywhere.”

That’s when he starts to scream me. It’s like I flipped a switch to someone I don’t recognize. He was yelling and swearing and throwing a tantrum just like a little child. Next thing I know, he is trying to climb over onto my seat, pushing me into the door. I can’t see and my hands are off the steering wheel. The brakes, I have to hit the brakes.

There, I think I got it now. We’ve stopped, but now I have to get him off of me. I push him, but he pushes back. I try to use my feet to help, but they slip and I accidently hit the gas. His car lurches out into the intersection. I feel something hit my head and everything goes black.

………………………..

I wake up with this terrible pain in my head, in my whole body. Where am I? Why am I in so much pain? Wait a minute! There are white walls surrounding me, I am on a bed, and I’m wearing something resembling a bed sheet. I must be…in the hospital! What happened to me, though?

I don’t remember being hurt. In fact, I don’t remember anything. Let’s see here. It was Warren’s and my six-month anniversary. I gave him a, a, a bottle of cologne. That’s right, and he gave me a bracelet. But, what happened after that?

“Abigail Garret, you have a visitor.” Someone calls out to me. It’s a nurse, and she is letting someone come in my room. It’s Warren, with a cast on his right arm. Did the same thing that happened to me happen to him?

“Abby, baby I am so sorry! I could have killed you!” Tears were welling in Warren’s eyes as he started sobbing all these apologies. He looks like he hasn’t slept all night.

“Warren, please stop crying! What did you do? How did I get here?” I wait for him to calm down. He is still sobbing, but he is going to give me an answer no matter what.

“You mean you don’t remember? Abigail, we were in a car crash three days ago. I got drunk at that party we went to before we were going to go to the movies. You made me leave so I couldn’t drink anymore, and we got into an argument. You said that we were going home. I lost control and attacked you, causing my car to go out of control. God, I wish I hadn’t drunk! I’m so sorry!”

“We were in a car crash? Oh God, are you okay?” I was so worried that something serious happened to him. I saw the cast, but there could be other injuries.

“I’m fine, unfortunately. I got away with just a broken arm. You, on the other hand, weren’t as ‘lucky’ as I was. You have a fractured skull, three broken ribs, and your left leg’s tibia is completely shattered! That’s just the beginning. They haven’t got the results back from any of your tests yet. It’s awful that this happened to you. I should have had these injuries, not you. I’m just so sorry that I am the cause for all your pain. You can leave me if you want. I would understand without one question why.”

“Hey!” I stare into his eyes, because he needs to know something. “I am not going to leave you. I love you! Ouch!!” There’s a sharp pain in my back. I have to lie back down to ease the pain a little. The nurse comes in with a syringe. She has a sedative for me because they need to do more tests. After she inserts it into my IV, it will only be a few minutes before I go under. As everything starts going dark, Warren leans down and kisses me, and once again I smell the scent of a waterfall. I looked up into his eyes when he pulled away, and that is the last thing I see.

………………………

I’m no longer a part of Warren’s world. In fact, I am far from it. I died that night in the hospital, three days after the car accident. It has been eighteen months since my death, and I have had many regrets. I regret talking to my mom the way that I did. Moving out of her house was a big mistake. The worst mistake that I made was dating Warren. I love him, yes, but he was too old for my age at the time. If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t make the same mistakes.