Senior Slump

ANNA (A stressed senior in high school who is trying to avoid starting her college essay):


Ugh… honestly I am not in the mood to write this essay.

The thing is… well I’m a senior. Yeah, you’d think that means big parties, lots of loafing, and having fun. But that’s not even remotely accurate. First off there’s this little thing called

COLLEGE. Ha yeah, heard of it? I have and I can’t STOP hearing about it. My guidance counselors say, “Where are you applying? Why are you applying there? College can change your life!”

Okay, so I lied. My guidance counselors could care less about me. But they DO talk about college in a general, repetitive, impersonal, unhelpful way. So now what do I do?

I have a college age sister and she comes in handy most of the time, but it’s hard to take advice that goes, “Oh yes that’s a great school for you. I’m met people from there.” Wait a second; here comes the good part: “They were such losers, just your type of people.” And BAM! The destroyer of all things good. And suddenly I’ve become self conscience. And I say things like, “I’m not a loser! Just because I say home all day and study, that doesn’t make me a loser, right? Wanting to succeed and go to a great school is normal, right?” Actually, still wrong.  Well I’m bound to get something right… right?

So yeah… back to the point, which was, I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY IN NO WAY AT ALL EVER IN THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IN ANY WAY want to write this essay. Want to know the prompt? It goes, “Please tell us what you find most appealing about ------------ and why.”
...
Huh? Well to tell the truth, I want to go to ------------- because I heard that ------------- was a really great school and if I got in, then I could tell all of my friends and family and neighbors and a bunch of people who probably really don’t care. But you know what they’d know at that moment? That all of my studying wasn’t for nothing and that I was one freakin’ genius. Oh yeah and some other stuff about how great the campus is and how I’ll make lifelong friends and how I’ll mature into an amazing person and some other bull.
And you know what the TRUTH does? It makes me look shallow, and WHO wants a shallow person in their college?
So what do I do?

Option 1: Write the essay and lie my butt off.
Option 2: Don’t write the essay and never get the chance to apply to the college.
Option 3: Hide under my covers and sleep forever.
Option 4: Buy an essay?!?!
Option 5: Actually, I have nothing, but it’s nice to have options, right?

Too bad all the options look pretty bad… ugh… I guess I’ll have to start… eventually… tomorrow… or after that? Ugh, I don’t know! I don’t even know where I want to go! This whole college process is so unfair! I have only a couple of months to decide where I’ll spend the next four years, where I’ll meet my potential spouse, what my income will be, and my whole FUTURE! Scary…
And the SCARIEST PART IS…

In the time that it’s taken me to type this up, maybe, JUST maybe, I could have finished my essay…

I tell you,

Trying to write a college essay is a vicious cycle.