Gina

         Me and my friend B.J. just picked up someone to take him to his girlfriend Ginas house. When I first saw her I thought oh my god she?s beautiful. At one point it seemed like everything but her seemed to disappear. I also noticed a certain glow in which I thought of as an ?aura?.  At first I thought it had something to do with how I felt about her but I would later believe it was the other way around. Her boyfriend didn?t seem to be around until we were smoking marijuana. As I would later find out he also cheated on her.
         Shortly after this I realized, with the help of my sister commenting on my thoughts, that I had a habit of talking to myself. My thoughts would come out through my lips without me talking out laud. I believe this started some time before when I would pace around talking to myself. I now do it without thinking.
         The next time I saw her I was at my house and her, her boyfriend, and B.J. came over. While waiting for a drug dealer to stop by to sell us ecstasy and weed we drank alcohol. For some weird reason I kept playing a bunch of different albums. Being very shy and introverted I didn?t really know how to act around her.
         At some point in the night she gave me a look. Her boyfriend wasn?t there and B.J. was in my closet looking at the marijuana plants we were growing. She gave me a look like she wanted to screw my brains out. Later on that night  we were alone in my living room and she gave no looks or signals whatsoever. I figured that such a beautiful girl would never like a weird loser like me. After thinking this she looked like she felt sorry for me.
         Her not giving me looks when we were alone would later make me believe she didn?t really like me. The fact that at some point in that night she went out on my porch, alone, with B.J. made me very suspicious. I would understand if she wanted to be alone with her boyfriend. First she gives me a look like she wants to screw my brains out, then she goes outside to, possibly, make out with my friend on ecstasy. These Mixed signals come into play later in the story.
         She gave me some more looks after that night. First her and B.J. came over to pick buds off of an under-developed marijuana plant and she gave me a look. Then after breaking up with her boyfriend she gave me a couple other looks. One time me and B.J. were at her house and he left. On her porch she gave me the look again. Another time I may of saw her in a car while my friends were turned away and she gave me a look. One night my friend Jim said something about her sucking my penis and once again she gave me this look. This was the only time she gave me the look in front of other people. She only did it when other people were around and not looking. Times when we couldn?t do what her eyes suggested.
         For this whole time I thought that her looks were just her messing with my head just like my friends would do. It?s easy to mess with someones head when you know what their thinking. Though I really liked her I figured we were just friends. That is until one night.
         I had just bought some marijuana from a drug dealer that lived near her house so I stopped by. When she answered the door she seemed disappointed. It seemed bad but I?d been recently bringing my friend Jim over who she didn?t like. Every time I brought him I was hanging out with him because he had marijuana and he would suggest we go there.
         When I came in to her house she looked out then looked at me and asked where Jim was. After telling her that I hadn?t seen him all day her eyes lit up. As we were headed towards the stairs she told me she was suspended the next day obviously suggesting I be there. Going up the stairs she looked back at me like she was in love with me. This moment seemed to last forever and I felt like I was on top of the world. After this I figured it was inevitable that we would date.
         When we went to her room her mother quickly came in with us. Ever since Gina bent over and revealed her cleavage and I thought about it her mother seemed to hate me. A lot of it I thing had to do with the fact that I was 18 and she was 15. After this night she seemed to changer her mind about me. I saw that same glow from before that night and I know I was happy.
         The next day I was ready to head over there when my mother told me we had to go to a place called CMHA. I didn?t want to go but my mother told me we would lose our housing if we didn?t.  When we got done it was nearly two o?clock and I didn?t think we would have much time. I figured there would be other times but this is where it all went to hell.
         After that night I felt like a new person. For the first time in my life I had a real reason to get up in the morning. One day I was hanging out with Jim when, out of nowhere, he referred to Gina as my ?girlfriend?. This was probably because of something I had thought. Some time later he said,? We?ll see.?
         For some time I, like an idiot, went to Ginas house with Jim. The only reason I ever brought him over was because he would suggest it and I figured he could smoke her up. When I had marijuana I would always go alone.
         Her birthday was coming up and B.J. told me she would bring a date that was a ?wigger?. I jokingly told him that I would dress up like that because I liked her. On her birthday she ended up dressing that way. This was probably her way of telling me she liked me but as far as I knew it was another way of messing with my head. I figured that all I had to do was get alone with her and see how she acted.
         That night I accidentally locked my keys in my car so the next day I had my sister give me a ride there with a spare key. We were getting ready to go get marijuana and as I remember her brother wanted to come with us. Just before going she gave me a look. This time not like she wanted to screw my brains out but none the less a look. We were getting ready to get weed with her brother so it wasn?t a good time to do anything.
         The next time I came over her brother wasn?t there. She acted completely bored. At one point we went to her room and she still gave me nothing. She did say, ? So, what do you want to do?? which on one hand could have been a come on but she acted bored. It seemed to me that she would only give me that look when nothing could happen, like when she had a boyfriend, and when we were alone she?d give me nothing.
         There were many times I went alone and it would be the same except for one thing. I made a joke in my head about wanting to ? pet her pussy? referring to her cat. After thinking this she gave me the look. This was probably the best time for me to make a move but I wasn?t sure. When my friends would mess with my head it was because of something I would think. As far as I knew this was no different.
         I was hanging out with Jim one night and we were taking cough medicine to trip. This stuff puts you in a suggestive state of mind so when Jim suggested we go to Ginas I went even though, after her birthday, I stopped going with him. That night her brother wanted to trip so, like a drone, I went to get him some cough medicine. We went more than once because I kept getting the wrong thing. Jim later told me that while I was gone he made out with Gina. This made me very angry.
         After that night everything changed. She hated me and I had no idea why. One night Ginas mother said something about having a drink with some weird guy I think suggesting that Gina give me a chance. After this Gina looked at me and told me she wanted a guy who?s mysterious. With my habit of talking to myself I figured she was telling me she didn?t want me.
         At one point my uncle offered to pay for me to get a tattoo so one night I asked Gina to go with me to look at a tattoo place near her house. Problem was she had been blowing me off lately and had me take her home. I ended up getting one somewhere else. At the place I went to I saw a guy and what was probably his girlfriend.
         One night I was hanging out with Gina and her friend Jill who whispered something to her. I thought it had something to do with something sexual and after thinking this I thought Gina seemed jealous.  This was the last ray of hope that maybe Gina liked me after all.
         Another night I called and asked if she could throw down on marijuana. I went there hoping Jill wouldn?t be there but she was. Figuring that because of this she wasn?t jealous of me getting with Jill I gave up. It seemed to me that I was only bringing her pain so I left. There was one other time I went to her house with B.J. who was probably dating her.
         Getting over her was difficult. What I did was convince myself I was in love with Jill who somehow seemed mediocre to me. I would later believe that she was a guy I once knew. This might not be true. After some time this worked until B.J. reminded me of her.
         Many years later I still thought about her. I couldn?t let go of what happened. One night I had a revelation. I figured that when I was buying Ginas brother cough medicine Jim told her I meant to talk to myself. This would make cense out of the way she told me she wanted a mysterious guy. What I thought was a way of telling me she didn?t want me may have been a way of telling me that if I stopped talking to myself she would then give me a chance. Jim may also had stolen from her and led her to believe it was me. All I know is he told me he was borrowing it yet she asked me for it.
         Jim is an egomaniac who could never stand for me to be better than him and could never get a girl like Gina. This is why I believe he did this. As for B.J., he had everything to gain from this. I was the only thing standing in his way of dating her.
         I?m writing this in the hopes that Gina will read this and understand things from my point of view because it?s been years since I last saw her and I lost touch with her. I changed all the names but she should know if she were to read this. If by some chance she reads this I want her to email me at [e-mail]. Make sure to put your real name in it so I know it's realy you.