Dear Me

Dear Me,
         Well you've made it to 2011! Good job. Another year down and three months before Chris will be out of college and working on you (yes, I know you don't agree with him wanting to come to Kansas). So for the New Year I want you to do a few things not only for the others that you love but for yourself as well. I won't tell you anything that isn't possible with a little hardwork. That's the first thing.
         Stop working so hard! A LITTLE hardwork, not a whole bunch of it. You are in college, somthing you thought would be impossible, and going to Japan in June. To top that you walk two paper routes and help your friends with their homework, putting aside your own, till ten at night then you are up past midnight figuring out your own homework. Sleep! Everybody needs it. I haven't even gotten to the worst part of it. Weekends, when everyone's relaxing and having fun, you are sutdying Japanese AND Spanish. Take a weekend to just lay in bed and sleep for twelve hours. It will help that crick in your neck a bunch. Especially if you stop leaning over those books and study websites, which brings me to the second thing.
         Read your 'just-for-fun' books a little more. They made you so happy to read about dragons with broiling breath and heartbroken vampires and werewolves. I remember the first book that got you onto werewolves. Do you remember? The Tenth Kingdom. You were so stricken when Prince got turned to gold and cried out in joy when Wolf pursued Victoria finally. After that you got every book you could find on werewolves and you are the best werewolf-oligist I know. You had so much fun reading more and more books till you mind was bursting with ideas. Don't let you textbooks kill that lust for knowledge. You have the biggest vocabulary I know ranging from simple everyday words to words from history.
         The third thing. Say "I love you" a little more. Those words mean so much to those you love. Don't be afraid to tell them. I know you doubt your own self, but the only thing to cure doubt is stepping forward blindly. You are always cautious with everything including your heart. A heart is meant to be broken and hurt so it can heal and become stronger. Don't be afraid of this. Besides I know good and well that Chris holds your heart on a feathered pillow, walking so slowly so he won't make it fall. He brings me to my fourth thing to work on.
         Thank God for your blessings everyday. I know you thank him whenever you are crying and Chris is just two buttons away, you did put Chris on your speed dial after all, but thank him more. He gave Chris to you to renew your faith in him, but he has given you so much more. There's a Dad who, lets face it, has seen you cry much more times than Chris will. He jokes around with you and has admitted he knows that you are not very social. Your sister...ok sisters. Hope looks up to you and told you that you're the only one who can make her laugh with a look. Grace is the girl you wish you could be (yes I know your Mom thinks the world of her) and deep down you are thankful because this means you can sink into your shadows. Your Mom gave you life and suffered for it. She still loves you though. Why else would she fit you into her schedule and help you with math if not for that four letter word? I know you don't have many friends to turn to but you have Heaven and Allie. Allie, who you have known since you moved to public school in fourth grade, who has been there for you more times than not and who has showed her trust to you by crying and turning to you when she can turn to no one else. Heaven is not that old of a friend but she loves you and God connected you two with the simple love for stories. She taught you that it's a friend's job to llisten and offer your advice only when asked. Those are just a few things to be thankful for everyday.
         The last thing is stop thinking about the future and live a little. Yes it is true that you must think of the future, but there is such a thing as over doing it. Allie has helped you with this so much with the simple things. You guys got a tattoo together and you're scared of needles! Felt so good to face your fears, huh? Now you have gotten back into the Blood Drive that goes on every two months and it feels so good to be able to help someone doesn't it? Allie and you have rescued strays and given so many a good home. It makes you smile which is something you should do more too. Live a little and your experiences will help you I swear.
         I pray that you fullfill by wish to become a better person not physically or mentally, but emotionally and internally. You are perfect physically and mentally just work on the emotions. Work on your heart and bodily needs. There's so many ways to do this and I have only listed a few. Don't hide yourself away waiting for something to happen and preparing. Make that something happen. Step into the light that is only yours and live so that people can see you. I have made you see this. It's all oranges, greens, and blues. Your favorite colors.