Never Tomorrow

    Soft, blonde hair formed tiny curls beneath his ears, and his bright blue eyes glistened, like crystal clear ocean water. His small frame was surrounded by a lean, muscular physique with a smile that would shine in a crowd. He was well liked by everyone he met, especially the girls. People called him Josh, but to me, he was my little brother.

    Our parents were gone a lot of the time. We often would joke about "practically raising ourselves," though we never went without our needs being provided. We fought together, played together, and loved each other dearly. My brother and I became very protective of one another while growing up. We were a team trying to cope with our parent's turbulent relationship. We had to stick together to deal with a world that seemed to be falling apart.

    After eighteen long and difficult years our parent's marriage had finally run it's course. Josh chose to stay with dad after the divorce, and my father rejected the option for joint custody of me. I could have never imagined Josh and I being apart. Our tiny army had been disbanded. I was all by myself. I felt like someone had kicked a stepstool out from beneath my feet and I was left to hang.

    It seemed like once I was sent to my mother's house, Josh and dad treated me like I had been contaminated. They refused contact with me and we remainded separated until four years later. One day, Josh and I were reunited when my he made a surprise visit to my house. At last we could reconcile any differences we might have had over the past. We were siblings and friends once again.

    Now we were both young adults. He worked construction around the country and would be gone for long periods of time. Somehow, I could sense when he was on his way back. We tried to hang out together whenever possible, as if to compensate for lost time. I always kept a room available just for him when I would move somewhere else. I never wanted to lose him again.

    A year after our long-awaited reunion, he came stay with me, as usual. Josh had wrecked his truck a month earlier and decided to buy another one while he had time off. He chose a cherry red Tacoma with flashy stripes on each side. He showed it off to everyone by taking them for a ride.

    I lived with my cousin then, who had two small, kittens. I didn't have a spare room anymore, and Josh had horrible allergies to cats. So, I let him have my room this time. I slept on the old, brown, plaid couch. I was awake most of the night with the sound of little purring felines perched near my head pawing at my hair.

    Josh woke up at eight o'clock the next morning. He was well rested and ready to start his day. "Hey sis, ya wanna go with me to see mom? We haven't been there for a while and you can ride in my new truck," he said with enthusiasm.

    "No, I have to work at four o'clock, and those cats kept me up all night. I'm just gonna go back to bed for a while. Do you think you can give me a ride to work today?" He agreed and left the house to run his errands.

    He came back at 2:00 p.m. to wake me up. "Hey, why don't you just get up early and go for a ride with me. Come on, we don't see each other much. I'll have you back in time for work."

    "No, I'm too tired to go anywhere right now. Besides, we'll see each other after work tonight and we can ride around then." I could tell he was getting upset with me, but I stood my ground.

    He yelled back, "All you ever do is sleep! Just forget about it. I'll be back later to take you to work." My bedroom door slammed behind him. I decided to get up, shower and dress for work. I couldn't rest after arguing with him. I wanted so badly to rewind the last 24 hours. I would just apologize to Josh when he came back to get me.

    The clock hand swung slowly, stiffly, to each tiny line as I waited for him to pick me up. I was afraid I was going to be late. I paced the floor, filled with anxiety. I could still hear the echo of the door slamming when he left.

    When my cousin came home early, I asked her to take me to work instead. As I was arriving at work, an ambulance franticly whizzed by. Lights flashed red and blue, and sirens screamed through the small town. I almost jokingly said, "What did he do, get in another wreck?" I hoped whoever was inside the back of the ambulance was going to be okay.

    I started my shift at the store and it was unusually slow. I found myself trying to find little things to do to keep busy. About two hours into my shift, a friend called me at work. With shakiness in her voice, she asked, "Has anyone called you yet?" Without anymore information, I felt a lump of uneasiness swell in my throat. "What are you talking about?" She began to explain, "There's been an accident." Time stopped, with only the movement of my heart beating through my chest. "Josh was hurt bad. You need to call the hospital, now!"

    As I began to call the hospital, the ambulance director came in the door. Her voice was soft and steady. "Trish...you need to come with me. Get your stuff and clock out. You're not coming back to work tonight." I remember how wide her eyes were, with tears forming at the corners. Silence filled the car during the ride. It took forever to drive those five minutes.

    People were motionless as I walked toward the emerengy room. They just stood like statues pointing their eyes at me. I heard no voices or children crying, just my own shoes pounding the floor beneath them. I neared the end of the hallway to see my parents walking from behind a closed door. Their faces were red and damp. Without words, they reached their arms out to hold me. I asked if he was going to be okay, but somehow knew the answer. My mother gurgled forced words through her lips. She cried, as tiny breaths formed together, "Josh didn't make it."

    The next several hours we confirmed the news to family and friends. The aseptic odor of the hospital lingered in the air around me. It was nauseating. My head and body seemed detached from each other like a child holding a large balloon by it's string. I just wanted to float away. I felt bound to my surroundings as if the heaviness in my chest was holding me down. I could taste the salty sting of tears settle at the corner of my mouth. Muffled voices scratched in the background like an old record playing over and over.

    I went outside to breathe and collect my thoughts. At that very moment, a shower of comets fell down from the sky. It looked like gold melted from heaven. I couldn't help but imagine it represented the angels joining God that night. The feeling I received from that beautiful sight was as if His hand had reached down to my heart to lift some of the pain away.

    There are no more rides in his truck or waiting for him to come in from work. I will now always think of my baby brother when a comet lights up the sky. I apologize to him everyday and listen in silence. I pray that someday we will be together once again. I thank God for our every moment together and the memories I'll cherish. Joshua, my only sibling, my blood, my brother...died. I think a piece of my heart went with him. We may never again fight together or play together, but we will always love each other dearly.