Sometimes

         Sometimes, you just want it all to stop. Just freeze and give you a chance to breathe. To calm down and relax without worrying about any readings or assignments that need to be done. Just breathe.
         But that break never comes. All the waves of responsibility and deadlines keep crashing against you, hitting you in the chest, making it harder to breathe. There is no way to escape from it.
         Sometimes, you can’t take it anymore. The gleam of a knife keeps catching your eyes. That gun upstairs in your father’s bedroom seems like a source of comfort. The pills scattered all around the house keep seeming to find their way into your view without end.
         But then your eyes tear up. Another force starts to hit you. Fear. The fear that if you answered any of the seemingly endless calls from Death and his minions, you wouldn’t live to regret it. That the next second after you answer Death, everything could end up being okay.
         Fear doesn’t stop the waves but they seem to cancel them out temporarily. You still cannot breathe but the sensation changes.
         A strange calm that unfortunately could never be put into words flows into your body, making your hand quake and your arms feel as if they contain electricity. Your throat seems to expand and restrict simultaneously, your eyes wish to tear but that calm stops them. Even if you wanted to make a sound, you know you would never be able to. It is a fight to even stand under the force of the calm.
         It is a battle. Neither side would be a victory, for to live in fear of death is the same as dying, but you know eventually one side will fall and the other will consume you. No force within you can stop this battle and that inevitable conclusion.