frazzled

A green strand of frayed yarn
A repulsive sweater worn too long
I pull the fray, in hopes of ruin
With sly apprehension, as though it hides what I'm doing
The threads unknit, but the form never strays
This covert destruction is taking me days
Attached to each knot is a bundle of words
Mainly lies, excuses, and explanations absurd
I think back, reflecting, on how I obtained
This wrapping of yarn, of which I'm so ashamed
The more I unwrap it, the more loosely it fits
Turning from clothing, to netting... Now i'm trapped in these pits
I try to untangle, to remain somewhat unmangled...
To set fire to these threads of truth from which I dangled
I swallow my pride, start again, get relaxed
With such simple answers why am i so perplexed?
Wait! This yarn, I became razzled, while it remained strong
Is this not my burden, my decay, misery? I am wrong
I rest my eyes, open my mind, take a much closer look
In sickness with solidity, the truth of my actions caught me like a hook
I awaken, cloaked in shadows, curled hiding in my hole,
so vicious and destructive, I was only maiming my own soul
My salvation was my victim, drowning in my own remorse
This frayed green sweater, ugly as ever, was my lone chance of recourse
I put an end to this numbness, my self abuse screams it won't matter
I'm winning life this time... its not a shirt. Its a ladder!
This ugly green yarn, so profound an unassuming
turned into my badge, my demonds own undoing