Cricket Infestation

I hate bugs. Always have and always will. There’s just something about the way they move and look that makes me shudder and give off involuntary twitches. And it’s always this time of year when the downstairs basement gets the little brown beetle bugs with the smooth and hard backs and the daddy long legs come at an alarming pace and seem to be everywhere at once. But never once has there been a cricket as annoying as the one we got this year. Maybe it’s just because this is my second year living in the basement, or maybe the crickets were just plain horrible this year, I don’t really know. All that I know is that for the past two or three months we have had this little bug, this infestation living in our basement.
Before the night of September 12th, 2010, the cricket was on the other side of the basement away from my room. It would be hiding under the blue couch or behind the entertainment center. And it had to choose that night to sneak into my room and annoy the crap out of me.
I hardly get 5 hours of sleep as it is, going to bed at 12 and getting up at 5 in the morning to get ready for school. I had finished my homework early that night, mainly math equations from Mr. Metz’s Advanced Math class that I have fourth block. I had dozed off at about 11, dead tired. It was sudden; I hadn’t even begun dreaming yet when I heard that first chirp of the cricket. I turn onto my right side and look up at my clock. In its bright green numbers it says 12:03.
“Mother fucker,” I mumbled as I turned my head into my black and white tiger stuffed animal, hoping it’s fluffy softness would drown out the chirping that was now coming rapidly, like the buzzing of a fire alarm at school. For an hour I lay in bed, tossing and turning, the wild chirping slowly driving me mad. Then at 1 o’clock I finally get up out of my bed, determined to go and find the cricket and put a stop to all the noise it was making. As I made my way across my room I was stepping on various objects, some sharp with jagged edges that would cut into my foot and make me swear and some that were soft and flat. It seemed to take me forever to finally reach the little corner where my light switch was, and when I finally got there I quick flipped it on.
I had expected the chirping to stop then, but no, of course not. It had to keep continuing. Very irritated and angry I stormed over to where the noise was coming from. It was by my bookcase, at the foot of my bed. And then when I reached the bookcase it stopped.
“You little fucker,” I said, as I looked around the bookcase, trying to find any bugs around it. I grabbed my bible case that leans up against the side, it’s pretty blue strap heavy in my grasp. I set it on the foot of my bed and look around that area, still nothing. Then just as I was about to give up looking for it I hear the dreaded chirp.
It sounded like it was coming from one of the upper shelves of my bookcase, behind the books. I jump over and rapidly start seizing my books and chucking them around my room, frantically searching for the cricket. But no mater how many books I throw I still cannot find it.
“Come on you little fucker,” I bellowed, throwing my last book at the closest wall, “Where the hell are you?”
A sudden and fast chirp answers my cries, and I realize, it’s not in my bookcase anywhere, it’s behind it.
“Fucker!” I scream, “Get out here so I can kill you! I’m going to rip your antennas off one by one and boil you in a stew and feed you to my cat minions! Come out!”
Another chirp answers me, and I start freaking out. I pace around my room, thinking of ways to try and get the cricket out from behind my bookcase. But nothing is coming to mind. Finally I decide to go and turn off the lights, maybe if I turn them off and go lay down the cricket will come out and I can kill it. So I quick hurry to the far corner of my room where the light switch is and forcefully pulled it down, almost yanking it from the wall. I slowly make my way back to my bed, careful not to step on anything, knowing that at any minute it’ll start chirping again and drive me mad. I finally make it back to my soft bed, and sit on it. I look at the clock, it’s 2:17. I sit there, time slowly ticking by, drifting off to sleep. I then decide to lay down and go to bed, thinking that it won’t chirp again. And just as I lay my head down it chirps. At first I try to ignore it, but the chirping comes faster and seems to grow in pitch with every passing moment. Finally I get up, not able to stand another second of the annoying mess that is the chirping of a cricket.
Moving off my bed at an incredibly fast speed that would have matched a race car, I raced to turn on the light. However on my way there I tripped over a clothes basket and went tumbling face first onto the hard concrete floor that was covered with knobby carpet. The pain was immense, like a white hot liquid fire that at first gently licks your skin but then gradually gets closer and you realize too late that it’s burning you. I laid there for a few minutes to try and shake off the pain. The cricket was chirping insanely now, as if laughing at me. This only angered me even more, and soon the pain subsided and where the pain once was there was only rage and anger. I got up off the floor and stumbled to the light switch. And this time when the light came on the chirping didn’t stop.
I eyeballed the bookcase, searching for the cricket. And that’s when I see it. It’s this big black shiny looking bug. The surface of its shell looking smooth like polished onyx stone, very pretty if I had liked bugs. However, I despise bugs with a passion and I was mad. The bug was resting on top of my rainbow laptop case, its long antennas swaying with every chirp it uttered out.
“How to destroy the bug, this little infestation,” was the only thing that was running through my mind. And slowly but surely an idea came to my mind. I quietly tiptoed, so as not to disturb the bug and make it hop away, made my way to my closet and took out one of my shoes that I keep in there. Then I turned back to the infestation, it was still sitting there, it hadn’t moved an inch.
I make my way to the cricket, and as I get right up to it, it moves. I stop, not daring to take a breath, thinking that if I let out one sound the creature will jump at me and I’ll scream in surprise. So I stand there, shoe at my side, waiting… waiting… waiting for the cricket to resume the awful chirping so I know it’s safe to get closer. Seconds tick by, then minutes, as it nears 12 minutes it finally utters out another chirp. I seize the opportunity and I dive for it, shoe raised high in my hand. I bring it down, victory within my grasp. And then just before the shoe would smash it, the cricket jumps, and my shoe smacks the empty floor where it was just sitting.
“Fucking cock sucker,” I scream, “Turtle loving cockroach smelling bitch!”
And in answer I hear another chirp. My eyes bug out of there sockets as I realize where the chirping is coming from. It is back behind my bookcase once again.
Streaming out miles of profane words, I hit the floor with my fists, trying to vent out my anger onto something that wouldn’t break. Cursing many people and many objects I reach for my laptop and turn it on. I take it to my bed and sit there. As I’m sitting there I notice one of the brown beetle things on my bed. I freak out and take out some of my anger on it. But it’s still not enough to quiet the rage that it building up inside of me. My laptop takes forever to load and I start bad mouthing it as well, irritated and angry. Finally it loads and I get on the internet, but the connection is really slow as well so I get even more irritated. Once it loads I start typing out a very angry email to my boyfriend telling him about the cricket that is escaping me and all my efforts to destroy it.
Halfway done with my email I see this black shape dart along the edge of my vision. Slowly I look over, turning my head in slow increments, not daring to hope that it’s the cricket, finally come out. Then I see it, it’s in the middle of the floor just sitting there, not making a sound. Giving a warrior like cry of joy, I grab my shoe and dart off my bed, heading strait for the cricket.
I bring the shoe down once on the unsuspecting cricket, and I get it! Once more I cry out in joy and I lift up the shoe, but it tries to jump away. Screaming like a crazed psychopath I bring the shoe back down on it again. And then again, and then again, and then again. I smothered him many times over with the underside of my shoe. Finally after pummeling him endless times I raise the shoe up for the final time, and I inspect the mess in front of me.
What I see before me is hard to believe that it was ever (once) something that was alive and once moving around. Its body is indistinguishable. What was once the body is now many flat pieces of black crushed onyx colored shell. Surprisingly there are no guts splattered on my floor, but even so it’s hard to see what belonged where. I slowly get up and grab a Kleenex. I manage to wrap the cricket pieces up in it and throw them away. I turn off the lights, and it’s amazingly quiet. The quietness is comforting but also uncomfortable at the same time. I go back to my bed and finish typing out my email and then turn my laptop off and put it away. I go under my covers trying to find a comfortable spot to rest for the rest of the night. But inside of me I have a ball of massive anger and irritation that is unbearable and I am unable to get comfortable and fall asleep. It takes me till 4:30, half an hour before I have to get up for school, to finally doze off. And then when my alarm goes off that Monday morning I know that it’s not going to be a pretty day.