If Not Love, Then What

The visions of joy bundled through my head at that moment. The wrath of confidence wrapped me in her arms with great pleasure and satisfaction. The air might have smelled of cheese, but I blocked it out with thoughts of lilac and Febreze.

The train station was short and crammed, but she found a way to show me the ways of love. I went with the flow, feeling the smooth yet rough sensation of her leather trench coat. Amidst the loud sounds of train whistles, I heard her whisper, “Let’s make it last, alright?”

“I’ll try,” I replied softly. “I’ll try.”

She patted me on the head, and entered the train. The train was large and stung my eyes with sharp colors of red and grey. I waved to her goodbye, but she just smiled and turned away.

I headed over to the bench, feeling cold and unamused. The bench felt of sharp wood, and it leaned against a billboard for depression. As I stared up, I thought of something unusual. Maybe she’ll stay loyal to you, I thought, or maybe she’ll be that crazy senior from the party who hooks up with someone to get over you. She could do that.

After all, she did kind of hit on Cokes behind your back, didn’t she? I don’t know about you, but if you want to stay a loved man, then I suggest you keep your eyes and ears open. She’s a celebrity in these parts; the paparazzi will be all over her. Maybe TMZ will do something, I don’t know. Look, the point is that she is a wildcat on the hunt, looking to cheat.

I shook my head in agony after that crazy epiphany. The clock struck noon, and I headed to the local McDonalds to meet up with a friend. I haven’t seen Ben in a long time, ever since I left to visit my “special” friend. Ben took the train from Providence, and told me to meet him at the local McDonalds to discuss things. I don’t know what he wanted to talk about, but my mindset was on one thing, “Why’d she leave?”

She told me, at the nice Italian restaurant down the street from the hotel, that she had to leave to “get back in touch with herself.” I wasn’t sure what she meant, because I was chewing down on my pizza. She was going to explain further, but I got an urgent phone call from my boss, Cokes. Cokes was obnoxious, and called at the wrong times.

When I returned, she left me a note, saying:

Dear Tim,
I had to leave early from this restaurant. I have a fainting disorder that, if I don’t drink lots of water, I get nausea and then faint. I’m going to get a ride back to the hotel. Meet me back there; I have a surprise for you.

Love,
Becca

I paid the check, and headed back to the hotel. She was there, sitting on the bed in her short pajamas. I stared, and then fell into a trance. It was weird, but I felt like something was happening to me. I tried to escape, but she kept telling me she wanted it to happen, so I couldn’t say no. Thinking about it now, I think she did something weird, but it’s still fuzzy to me.

After I woke up from the flashback, I put on my coat, and headed over to the McDonalds. From Union Station, it took about 8 minutes worth of walking, but I survived. When I arrived, I saw Ben wave to me through the glass. I walked in the door, and he told me to come over.

He shook my hand and gave me a bro-hug. He asked, “How was your trip, Tim?”

“It was good, Ben,” I replied. “I enjoyed lots of good sites, good food, and good entertainment. The whole package. How was your train ride?”

“It was alright, I suppose,” Ben added. “I slept most of the time. Don’t tell Donegan though; he’ll flip.”

“Believe me,” I supplied. “I won’t tell him. If anybody, Burke would. He’s got lips as loose as cannons.”

“Good thing,” Ben supported. “So, how was Becca? Was she nice? Did you do anything with her?”

“Like what things?” I retorted in suspicion.

“You know what I mean.”

“No really, I don’t. Reiterate yourself.”

“You should know. You spent a whole week with her…in the same bedroom.”

“Oh, come on man,” I stridently shrieked. “I’m still only 14. You wouldn’t think that…”

I stopped when he gave me an obnoxious stare.

“Look, I’m not sure. I’m 98% sure I didn’t do what you’re suggesting. The other 2% I don’t really remember, though?

“Why is your memory fuzzy now?” Ben responded. “Is it that you don’t want to tell me something?”

“It’s not that, Ben. I would tell you if I did that. It was because I felt drowsy last night, and I wasn’t sure what happened.”

“Whatever. Have it your way.”

“The weird thing was that she made it seem like she wanted it.”

“Wanted what?”

“That I don’t know. She wanted something, and she shook me tightly until I gave it to her. I was sub-conscious, so I started seeing King Kong using me as an attention grabber.”

“That’s so weird. Do you think?”

“Think what?”

“That she slipped something in your drink, which was a hallucinogen, and waited until it kicked in, and then she did stuff to you?”

“What the heck are you talking about, Ben? I don’t do drugs; it’s not me?”

“But you never know. She could’ve gotten some from her friend. You know how she’s been suggestive lately?”

“I realize that.”

“Maybe she wanted to prove that her love for you was pure. She probably knew you would not give in to her advances, so she started to think. She knew some people that could supply her, so when you went to make the phone call to Cokes, she got the drug from someone, put it in your drink, wrote the note, knew that…”

“Wait,” I cracked. “Are you telling me that I was drugged last night?”

“Possibly,” Ben added. “Anyways, so she knew that after 20 minutes, the drug would kick in, and gradually show side effects. I suppose when you came into the room, she knew that the drug was ready to produce hallucinations, so she dressed down so you wouldn’t think anything. When the drug started kicking in, she probably took advantage of you, and then she…”

“What is up with you, man?” I stridently yelled. “You are suggesting that Becca, this kind and vibrant girl three years my senior would drug me, and then rape me?

“That’s what I think,” Ben added. “Otherwise, why would you be drowsy, and why would you be in that trance?”

“I don’t know; maybe I was tired.”

“Look, Tim. The point is she wanted to get you on her for sometime, so she took advantage of your youthfulness, and just flat out hurt you. That’s what I say.”
I said goodbye, and left McDonalds that afternoon.