Too Much, Too Soon

I am fourteen and I am scared. I am trying to enjoy my childhood, but my circumstances simply won't allow it. I don't want to face adult responsibilities, but I have no other choice. I'm forced to get a job. I'm forced to go to work everyday, and am mentally and physically abused when I don't. I'm pulled out of high school because of my behavior problems and cannot attend any high school dances, including the Prom, which I've been looking forward to since I was ten. I am given too much, too soon.

I am fifteen and I am scared. My mom is talking about putting me in a group home and I can't stop crying. Sometimes I want to make her feel as much pain as I feel. I am running away from home because I can't take being there anymore. The pain in the house is too much for me to handle. I have resorted back to cutting to make the pain physical, cuz the emotional is to much to bear. I am given a high school diploma on June 5th, 2009, three years before my class. I cry my eyes out as I realize that my high school days have ended before anyone else my age. I am given too much, too soon.

I am sixteen and I am scared. My mom has just told me that I have to move out into a group home or apartment. I can pass for eighteen, so I already know that she has won and I have no choice. I go to my room and cry. How am I supposed deal with college, crazy people/or paying bills when I'm barely old enough to drive!? My mom takes me to an "apartment" building, and that's the first place I pick. Mainly because looking at more places will be too painful. A week into living in my apartment, I figure out that I'm in a group home. But it is too late. My mother has betrayed me. I am hurt and lost. I can't even focus on school. Even though I am a Human Services major, I want to be a writer, but they don't provide that program at my college. I go to a two year college, but I want to go to a four year school, live in the dorms, and finally be a normal teenager. I've held on to that dream for two years now, not wanting to let it go. I buy some SAT/ACT books and start studying them. Soon I am cutting class to study. I only pass two out of four classes. My Human Srevices class I knew I was gonna fail, but I'm disappointed about the math. Right before I turn seventeen, I realize there's no way I can get into a four year school without earning an associate's degree. I want to go to USC, but that's just not in my reach at the moment. I start looking into two year schools in Los Angeles, California and find Los Angeles Valley College. They have a English With Emphasis In Creative Writing major. After looking at the website for an hour, I realize it's where I belong. I make a promise to myself to go there no matter what it takes. I start job hunting.

I am seventeen. I am getting frustrated with the job hunt. I need a release. I begin to type "writing" in the google search engine, and by GOD'S amazing grace, this site that I am typing this personal story on comes up. My dream of becoming an author came true on January 18, 2011. I for the first time in a long time, I look up to waking up every morning. I still want to get my associate's degree in Creative Writing from LAVC. If that's not enough for me, I'll go on to get my bachelor's from USC. If that's still not enough, I'll go get my master's. I really don't know! But I know one thing's for sure: writing is my passion! It keeps me going when I'm down and gives me something to look forward to. I want to write books, get married and have kids that will NOT be given too much, too soon. But if, in twenty years, I'm living in a broke down ass apartment in the ghetto, waitressing at Felicia's with the worst tips ever and on welfare, that's perfectly fine as long as I'm still inspired to go on this site and write stories the come from my heart. This is what I was born to do and I'm doing it!