Memoirs Of A Consumer

      The hospital has filled some void in me.  It has filled me with a shimmer of humanity that I had been lacking infinitely thereof.  I think hitting rock bottom and then being surrounded by good people tends to do that to you. 
         I drive Luis and Gloria’s twin sister to the Toys “R” Us.  Inside shoppers are filling their voids with the latest deals and the superior playthings.  I am depressed again.  I try to hold on to that deep connection that I’ve been getting high off of ever since leaving the hospital, but all Luis and Gloria’s twin sister seem to want to do is hunt for the deal.  Are we trying to catch the same pig with different make-up on?
         Gloria’s twin sister is shopping for a karaoke machine.  She’s not sure whether to get the one that you plug into the tv or the one with a tv screen already on it.  Luis makes a case for the more expensive tv screen-equipped machine.  Luis tells her this is the one she wants.  I tell him what she really wants is a hug.  He seems to play with the idea in his head.  He begins to reach out his arms for her but the embrace isn’t achieved.  Distraction gets in the way. 
         Luis finds a guitar strap.  Guitar is a passion him and I both share.  A means of connection between us.  The guitar strap is a means of connection between him and this consumer world.  Both connections must be nurtured in order to remain.  Gifts must be bought, associations must be made for that connection to keep feeling brand new again. 
         Luis asks Gloria’s twin sister to buy the strap for him.  She breaths in and bites her lip.  I wonder if she thinks about his and her poverty.  They share an apartment with another guy at an outpatient place.  Does she understand that to break free from her shackles of oppression she must save to build capital to pay the bills to sustain herself to buy more things.  Are we ever free from the demands of being a consumer?  Do we ever fill the void?  Maybe we can shovel in piles of things and cap it off for the time being.  I don’t think your void can ever achieve wholeness. 
         But maybe that’s the whole point of life.  Filling the void.  Filling it with the people who we can love and through the things we can love.