Nastannah and the Living Daylights

Prologue

Today: Back Alley

"You could have told me that was there!" Hannah complained, slowly peeling the slimy cabbage leaf from the rear end of her purple mini skirt. "I've been parading around with this icky piece of yuck on my butt for Gods only know how long!" She held up the offending leaf for her companion's inspection. "Were you ever going to tell me?" When no reply came, Hannah trudged over to stand directly in front of her friend and shoved the cabbage in her face. "Well?"

Nasta, who had been bent over inspecting a pile of what appeared to be dirt, took a hasty, slightly stumbling step backwards away from the foul smelling garbage that hung in the air before her. "Hannah!" The word came out as more of an indignant squeal than the harsh admonishment she'd wanted, but really, when faced with such a disgusting item so suddenly she had little control over her reactions.

"Well?" Hannah repeated, thrusting the cabbage a little further into Nasta's personal space bubble.

Hand firmly clasped over her nose, Nasta replied with a confused and rather annoyed, "Well, what? You found garbage in a yucky alley behind a restaurant. Well done. Would you like a gold star?"

"It was on my butt!" Hannah exclaimed, turning slightly and holding the cabbage leaf to the back of her skirt to demonstrate what she meant. "My butt, Nasta! It was clinging to my pretty-in-purple derriere!"

Still confused, but over the initial shock of the confrontation with the cabbage leaf from beyond the dumpster, Nasta moved back to her pile of dirt and poked a finger, complete with well manicured nail, into the middle. "And?" she said, sounding bored. She'd long ago discovered that it was the best way to converse with her friend. And not just because of the amusement factor. Put simply, if Nasta sounded bored the chances of Hannah moving on were higher. Not because Hannah would feel that she needed to be engaging Nasta, but because Hannah would get bored with the lack of response. "What did you want me to do about it?"

Nasta had to dodge quickly to the side as the leaf in question came flying in her direction. She raised her eyes from her dirty hand to find that she had somehow managed to piss Hannah off. Like it was hard to do. There were more occasions when Hannah was pissed off than there were drops of water in the Pacific Ocean. So it was easy to say that Nasta was not at all surprised by this turn of events. Instead of reprimanding her friend for her blatant show of uncontrolled temper, as perhaps she should have, Nasta chose to bend over her dirt once more, sticking her face close to the pile. She took a big sniff, intending to sample it's scent with her enhanced senses.

The result was a none-too-ladylike bout of wheezing coughs as she stumbled backwards several feet, finally landing on top of the discarded cabbage leaf with a grunt and a moan. It was then that the advice of her chemistry professor decided to float through her mind. Always waft. You don't want acid particles up you nose. So waft the scent towards you. Don't sniff at it.

"You could have let me know it was there," Hannah said matter-of-factly as she dug dirt and grime out from under her immaculate nails. "I mean, who knows how long I'd been parading around with that little cling-on?" She shuddered at the mere thought, but soon stiffened as she acknowledged another thought barging into the forefront of her brain space. "It wasn't there when I was flirting with Mr Hotty-Hot-the-Hot-Shot-Hot-Man, was it?" she asked, horror filling her usually perky voice.

A sigh escaped Nasta's lips as she regained her ability to breathe and she shook her head. "No, it was not there when you were flirting. I have no idea how long it has been there. So quit making such a big deal out of it. It's just one cabbage leaf."

"Just one cabbage leaf?" Hannah asked incredulously. "Just one cabbage leaf?! No, you're not understanding me here. This was not simply one cabbage leaf. This was one very slimy, very disgusting, very attached-to-my-skirt cabbage leaf! And I had no idea it was there!"

"Right," Nasta replied, blowing her nose on her sleeve. "And you wanted me to take my attention away from the-."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were busy. Whatever. I get it."

Nasta gave her a scrutinising look. "No, I don't think you do. I was being pursued by-"

"I said whatever, Nasta. I'm over it, okay? You don't care enough to let me know when my outfit has been befouled. Just keep that in mind when it comes to a time when you have a cabbage leaf stuck to your butt and nobody tells you."

Heaving herself to her feet slowly and with great difficulty, Nasta glanced over her shoulder to inspect the rear end of her jeans. Another sigh leaked out as she took in the piece of greenery smushed there. "Like now, for example?" she asked, gingerly picking it off piece by piece.

Hannah grinned at her triumphantly. "That ought to teach you not to ignore my fashion emergencies."

"Fashion emergencies?" Nasta almost yelled at her. "You think fashion emergencies are the worst of your problems? Were you even paying attention to what just happened? We could have died! Do you realise how close we came to meeting our maker?"

"Well, I don't know about me, but you've already met your maker, remember? About six feet tall, hot yet ugly at the same time, super control freak extraordinaire? I believe his name was Bill or something."

"Wyliam," she sighed. "For last time, his name was Wyliam. And could you please stay on topic? That ... thing that just attacked us would have sent us to our grave if it weren't for the fact that I happened to be holding a long, pointy piece of wood!"

Now it was Hannah's turn to let out an exasperated sigh. "It wouldn't have attacked us if we hadn't been sneaking around in these dank alleys to begin with. So, frankly, I think this is your fault. All of it. The attack, the cabbage, that pile of dirt," she gestured to the mound between them as if it were a pool of vomit that had just tried to strangle them both.

"You think this is all my fault?" Nasta asked, taking a menacing step toward her. When Hannah simply nodded her head in confirmation, Nasta let out a harsh laugh. "Need I remind you how we ended up in this situation to begin with?" Hannah's blank stare was all the egging on she needed. "I remember it as if it were yesterday..."

"Are you gonna do a flash back now?" Hannah asked, apparently having regained the gift of being annoying and inappropriate.

Nasta glared at her for a moment, then finally replied, "Yes. I think we should." She took up a reminiscent pose and added. "It all started two weeks ago..."