Twisted Christmas

Twisted Christmas



Santa Claws is coming to town

Everyone hide! Pull your shutters down



Stoke up your fires with plenty of wood

Throw on your turkey, your holly and Christmas pud



Grease up your chimney and the slates on your roof

Make sure your home is Santa Claws proof



He’s not funny, jolly, gentle or kind

He’s wicked and evil with meanness in mind



He’ll steal all your toys and eat all your sweets

Cut up your comics and deprive you of treats



Jack Frost was once his friend, don’t you know

Till Santa Claws trapped him in a dungeon of snow



Snow men fear him and the elves are enslaved

It’s been 400 years since he last shaved



His beard once white is now tarnished with soot

And frostbite has claimed 2 fingers and 1 foot



His sleigh once pulled by reindeer a plenty

Sits gathering dust, present sacks are all empty



The list of names he used to check twice

Has gone through the shredder and is bedding for the mice



Prancer and Dancer and Comet and co

Have packed up their antlers and decided to go



The North Pole once merry and filled with good cheer

Is now a ghost town and is deserted this year



Why has Santa been twisted this way?

Why has he snapped and abandoned his sleigh?



His visits used to fill us with joy

Now our stockings are empty, not even one toy



Now I’ve shown you a picture of how it could be

If all the worlds children became naughty



Is this how Christmas must be from now on?

No gifts, no treats, no reindeer and above all no fun



No! For the real Santa Claus you will see

Still loves you and them and of course me



Sugar plum fairies will still dance in your head

Excitement still fills you when its time for bed



Christmas Expectation and enjoyment to see

What Santa Clause has left under your Christmas Tree



But next time you feel like playing the fool

Like being unkind or mean and generally un-cool



Remember that magical eyes could be watching you

And even Santa Claus has a breaking point too



Look after your friends, your family and all other kin

Help out the needy and try not to sin



Santa rewards boys and girls who follow these laws

If you don’t you may be visited by the OTHER Santa Claws!