Julia

         I see a girl.
         A phantom of a girl.
         It's cold and dark here.
         The girl has short honey colored hair.
         It seems to bounce joyfully with every little movement she makes.
         I see the girl, seemingly about to turn around.
         I don't know why, but I'm longing to see her face.
         Just as she turns around....
         Darkness. I'm awake. The dream I was having... what did it mean? What happened was so vivid. It was almost as though it was real. Something about the girl... something that won't let me forget. I thought that we weren't supposed to be able to remember dreams. Is it possible that this was real? I can't have these thoughts right now. I need to get sleep. Nice, lofty sleep, so I'm ready for what shall come tomorrow.
         I'm in the same place.
         I see the same girl from before.
         I'm longing to see her face again.
         The girl starts to turn around again.
         Anticipation builds up inside me.
         This time I get to see her face.
         Or her lack thereof.
         Where should be nose, mouth, and eyes, is only a blank slate.
         It seems to contort in such a way that she's trying to speak.
         I hear caring whispers that start to caress my soul.
         I woke up sweating and breathing heavily. Why am I having these dreams? They're haunting my mind every moment I'm awake. It also seems strange, but even though the girl's face was completely blank, I still only saw beauty, or maybe I felt it. I don't know what, but something about that girl attracted me. I realized something. Something important about today. I quickly look at the clock, and my fears realized, quickly readied myself. I was gonna get out of my hellhole of a life today.
         Oh shit. I realized something that was gonna make me even more late than I previously conceived. The bus I would usually take has gone and left. No taxi in sight and no bus coming soon enough. I have to go by foot. I started running as fast as I could, briefcase in hand. I could see my office building down the block after awhile, but something unexpected happened. A girl I somehow didn't noticed, and I bumped right into her. She was slammed right into the ground with a soft thud. Her long blondish brown hair gracefully sprawled across the ground, I helped her up, apologizing with every second. She cheerfully responded, saying it was okay and she wasn't too hurt. She looked up at me, hair bouncing along with her movements. I saw her face. A kind of nostalgic feeling had overtaken me as I realized that she was somehow familiar.
         The hair, seemingly joyful and happy even in the most distressing situations, and the color, a sweet honey. Her response too, so kind and caring. Can it be? Is it even possible? My mind and heart race at this realization. Could this girl be.... the one from my dreams? I didn't see the face in the dream, but the face this girl has seems to fit her perfectly! Her kindness matches the girl in the dream, the hair, everything seems to match! And her face... her face was so perfectly beautiful. How can this be?
         I daze back into reality as the girl asks if I'm okay. I instinctively respond positively. I was sure now. She was the girl in my dream. To my dismay, she disappeared without me seeing her or saying good-bye. Why did this happen? How is she real? Why did she have to go.....
         The rest of the day ends up being a blur. I walk into my office, check in and sit at my desk with a blank stare, mindlessly filling out various forms and typing various reports on my computer. All the while I'm thinking about her. I always thought stuff like true love and love at first sight was bullshit, but here I was, thinking about a girl I've had minimal interaction with.
         I see her again.
         I'm not in the same place though.
         We're at a beach, looking at the sunset.
         I start to look at her and in the same instance she looks at me too.
         Embarrassed, we both quickly turn away.
         The sunset was beautiful, but not as beautiful as her....
         I woke up, my dream interrupted. My boss had come in, saying something I couldn't quite understand at first. After several repetitions, what he was saying finally got across to me. It was praise. I don't know how seeing as how I was sleeping at the job, but he was praising me for working so hard everyday to the point of exhaustion. He then began to lead me somewhere. Where was he taking me? Oh, right. I remember now. What was so important today. What would finally let me escape from my shitty life. An interview. An interview for a job in a different country. Before I saw this an opportunity to leave my life. Leave my family. Leave my enemies. The interview was daze. Consisting of me kissing the asses of the higher ups. By the end they were impressed, but the last question stumped me:
         
“Do you want this job?”

         This should have been easy for me answer. I mean, I wanted out of here didn't I? But no, I couldn't answer like that. The image of the girl kept popping up into my mind. Everything I did and learned pointed towards me saying “yes”, but the image of the girl kept on stopping me. There was a gut feeling instilled in me that began to make itself seemingly more true with every beat of my heart. If I moved to another country would I ever see that girl again? I saw her today, just outside this building. If I stay there's at least a chance of her being here, waiting for me, but if I move, it'll be a different story. I can't believe I'm doing this....

“Yes, yes I do.”

         Why did I say what I just did? How did my mouth form these words? I had to listen to reason instead of rhyme in the end I guess. The interview had concluded with all of us standing up and shaking hands. They say the future looks bright for me, for appearances I respond affirmatively. I keep my regret hidden as though I was keeping it in my back pocket. Creating a bulge that makes it awkward to sit down on top of it, yet seemingly hidden from anyone else. The rest of the work day dragged on. The thoughts couldn't stop. They were relentless. I couldn't just stop thinking about her...
         I finally finished work, albeit with my sanity in questionable state. When I left, I noticed something strange in the distance. An object that was glittering in the light of the street lamps. I walked over to see what it was. It was a pink cellphone. Someone started calling it. Curious and not thinking straight, I answered.

“Hello?”
“Oh thank god! Did you find my phone?”

         I instantly recognized the voice. It belonged to the girl. I almost dropped the phone in astonishment, until her voice suddenly made me clench the phone with a kind of primitive passion. I responded. We talked for a while to find a means to meet each other so I can get her phone back to her.

“Okay thanks! Good-bye!”
* click *
“Yeah, good-bye.”

         I stood there on the sidewalk where I found the phone. I don't know what I'm feeling. If irony was emotion, that's probably what I'm feeling. With a dash of sadness. I walked home, even though I could have taken the bus. I need time to think. I need time to feel. I realize I'm being overly optimistic about this, but I feel as though me and that girl could find true love with each other. That girl.... somehow I never got her name. It seems silly, but I never got her name. It would be nice to have a name, instead of calling her “that girl”. No, she isn't “that girl”. She's “the girl”. The only one. I see other girls pass me by as I walk home. They don't possess the kindness. The caring. The gracefulness. They all seem to be cardboard cut-outs of super models in magazine ads. They lack the essence of individuality that the girl exhibits and has radiate off of her. And that hair... no other seems to be able to even mimic how the girl's hair falls onto her shoulders and seems to glide through the air. I arrive home, and right away fall into my bed.
         It was raining.
         It seemed as though it was cold and sad, but I was warm and happy.
         The girl was with me.
         She seemed to be in a similar mood.
         We were running together, arms locked together.
         We barely had any covering from the rain.
         No umbrellas or jackets.
         Just the regular clothing on our bodies.
         No matter what, I couldn't stop looking at the girl.
         Her hair was wet, keeping it in front of her eyes.
         I gently move her hair away so I could see her face.
         Her eyes seemed to glisten with the look of childhood memories.
         It was almost as though I could see her memories playing like a video clip in her eyes.
         I could only look at her with a feeling of respect and admiration for who she was.
         She was beautiful.
         Who was she? That was all I could think about when I woke up. I was supposed to meet her today, seeing as how I didn't have work. Our meeting was supposed to be nothing more than me giving her back her phone, so I needed to find a way to make it last. Hopefully I would learn her name soon. I arrived at where we decided on meeting, right in front of my office building. I instantly recognized her as she began to walk towards me, her hair flowing behind.

“Hey!”
“Hello, here's your phone”
“Weren't you guy I bumped into yesterday?”
“Yeah, I was.”
“Well thanks for finding my phone! Bye!”
“Good-bye.”

         She started to turn away, I couldn't say anything. I wasn't able to. In this moment I felt as though I wasn't good enough for her, that if I spoke, I would only feel worse about myself. I then realized something. I still didn't know her name. I opened my mouth to speak...

“Hey.”

         I'm not sure what happened then. If I spoke loud enough. If she heard me. If she responded. If I asked to see her again. If she said yes. If we ended up on the beach together. If we ran in the rain together. If I got my job. If we moved together. If we got married. If we had children. If we grew old together. If we moved on together. I don't know any of that. All that comes to mind is a name...
         I'm in the same cold, dark place I was in the first dream I had about the girl.
         I see the same thing happen again.
         The hair.
         The longing.
         The essence of kindness.
         She starts to turn around.
         I see her face once her hair twirls away.
         Then, I cry.
         I don't why or what for.
         But I cry.
         I cry.