Why I hate Casino Royale.

Ok, so I was sitting on my butt the other day,(a common occurence) when I felt the need to watch some utterly pointless explosions, a smart-arse womanizer, and disturbingly obvious sexual puns (I mean a main character called Pussy Galore?! C'mon), so where else could I turn, but Bond, James Bond?

This suave womanizer has been filling our screens with everything a man needs for the past 50 years, and I knew he wouldn't dissapoint.

You can therefore imagine my absolute horror, when pressed play on my DVD player only to find a skinny blond male, standing in a crowd of men observing a "Cock fight". "Ok.." i thought, this must be 006, or perhaps 005, about to be killed so that Bond can set off on his mission of vengeance, seducing women left and right, and blowing up building and cars in all directions.

Ten seconds later my theory lay shattered at my feet. Through his earpiece this inconspicuous little blond man was told "bond, we're in position"... Now this is clearly very wrong. As an avid Bond watcher, I think I speak for all of us when I say, we all know Bond doesn't require backup until at least an hour into each film!

There was a brief moment of excitement in the film however. Roughly 45 minutes or so into the film, bond is poisoned, and collapses in his car his heartbeat slowing as gradually fades out of conciousness. I almost jumped for joy as I finally realised he was going to die, and then wake up from this nightmare, replaced by someone more suitable, such as perhaps the devlishly suave Pierce Brosnan. It was not to be however, Bond's constant back up in the film, a fearsome young woman, manages to save Bonds life and thus the waking nightmare continues.

Needless to say, I removed the offending article from my sacred DVD player, and then proceeded to stamp on it for as long as I could manage.

Unfortunately, I'm so fat I only managed to stamp on it once, before I began to have chest pains..I'm now selling it on Ebay as "New & Unused".