Tumble Weed Story Book

Tumble weed Book

Tumble  

There was this tumble weed a long time ago who just couldn’t seem to tumble no matter what she did, she remained in the same place. She saw the changing of the ages, saw the first primate to stand on two legs, saw it learn to hunt with spears, saw it build nukes and try to destroy itself. Still she remained where she started. Then a new born tumble weed rolled up and says

"fancy a tumble?" 

She replies to him

"I can’t."

Then he winks at her and says

"no I said a tumble",

and they both “tumble” off into the distance laughing

Dave’s Laws Of Physics

One day there was a fat tumble weed and there was this little gap; a small tumble weed tumbled up to the gap and just tumbled on through. The next thin weed that came along the fat tumble weed asked them how they did it. The tumble weed explained that

"no tumble weed had ever been bounded by any of the laws of physics and the cosmos was there’s for the taking they just didn’t want it."

So they both tumbled through the small gap and fat tumble weed understood and said

" this is a great day, I could conquer the world, solve world hunger, stop the raging ocean or even make extra dimensions"

the thin tumble weed replied "yeah but why would you want to". They all tumbled off into the distance laughing.

Space

Along long time ago there was a tumble weed who tumbled in a specific direction. Of course he became legend and now the myth says he tumbled to the moon. To find out if this was true the leading tumble weed scientists developed a tumbling rocket and filled it with their best astronaut tumble weeds. The journey was treacherous the tumbling difficult. But finally they reached the moon and there just tumbling about was the legend himself. They landed, tumbled over to him and asked him how he got there he replied "I was just tumbling in random directions and I realized that up was a direction so I just tumbled that way". They all tumble off into the distance laughing.

Annual meeting

Every year all the tumble weeds gather to discuss important matters like wind direction new obstacles and current political views on the tumble. This years gathering point was the desert in a deserted place, very dusty. There were tumble weeds from all over the world, the French one rolled up with a white flag yelling I surrender, the English tumble weeds formed an orderly que and sipped their Tea, the Irish tumble rolled in stumbling all over the place yelling obscenities. As they all gather and start talking the smallest tumble weed there tumbles up and says "how did we get here? We don’t choose where we go, and how do we speak?" they all pondered this problem then the little weed said "only kidding" and they all tumbled off into the distance laughing.

The Black tumbler

There is a rumor of a tumble weed who hated all other tumble weeds, wherever he went he spread panic and fear. His deeds' were infamous, on all the tumble weed wanted posters he was named the black tumbler. One night he was about to rob a bank and be saw the most beautiful tumble weed he had ever laid eyes on, she was stunning. He tumbled up to her and professed his undying love, she replied

"aren't you that tumble weed terrorizing people, who seems to be UN catchable?"

"Yes" he replied

"then why would I want your love?" and tumbles off. He tumbled after her chasing her but she was as uncatchable as him, they tumbled past the Great Wall of China the Niagara Falls, Clapham. Finally one year she stops and smiling says "I love you too" they both tumble of into the distance laughing.

The beginning of time

Before time started there was a great city its walls infinitely high the architecture stunningly magnificent. In the streets were hundreds of tumble weeds discussing weighty matters, staring of into the infinite nothingness and a single grain of time floats down and says "it is the beginning of days, will you be the stewards of the universe?"

the greatest intellectual tumbleweed replied "this is a great responsibility to bear, what will be our reward?"

"you shall live forever and not be bound by the laws of physics"

the intellectual replies again "that’s all well and good but what about fucking hands?" they all tumble off into the distance laughing.

The Pointless War

Just after the beginning days all the tumble weeds of the universe gathered to plan the course of time. Many concessions were reached, compromises were made, all seemed to be going well but then one issue came up that was so fiercely fought over that no compromises could be made. One group wanted to make sand yellow and the other wanted to make it more of an orangey color. And so a war raged for eons galaxies were sucked into the war, at many stages all life was on the brink of annihilation. Just when it seemed surely the fabric of reality would be torn. The only tumble weed neutral in the war rolls through the battle unharmed; he thought sand should be blue. He came to a stop and said to all the weeds gathered "why are you fighting? We can't die, you complete spases" and they all tumbled off into the distance laughing.

The tumble code

Tumble weeds have a code of honor. Known to very few beings in this verse. You don't date your friend's ex. One of very few rules. However one day this tumble weed fell hopelessly in love with his friend's ex. No matter what he tried she stayed on his mind, he took drugs, killed squirrels but nothing worked. Then he went to her and told her his feelings, at this point he heard himself. She told him she felt the same but her hands were tied by the code, so they both tumbled off into the distance laughing.

SCHOOL

ONE DAY THERE WAS THIS TUMBLEWEEDAND HE WAS AT TUMBLE SCHOOL LEARNING HOW TO TUMBLE. HE LEARNED HOW TO CREATE UNIVERSES, LEARNT CARMA SUTRA BUT THERE WAS ONE SUBJECT HE COULD NOT DO; FAILED AT COMPLETELY AND THIS WAS DRINKING ALCHOHOL. HE WAS LIKE "HOW CAN I DRINK I AIN'T GOT A MOUTH?" WHAT HE FAILED TO REALISE WAS THAT ALL TUMBLE WEEDS HAVE MOUTHES, HE WENT TO THE ZEN MASTERS OF DRINKING (THE IRISH) AND THEN ONE DAY AFTER MONTHS OF HARD WORK TRYING HE REaLISED HE WAS A MUTE AND EXCLAIMED “SHIT THAT’S WHY I CAN’T DRINK” AND THEY ALL TUMBLED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE SILENTLY LAUGHING

The Best Friend

The best friend is a sacred thing to a tumble weed; though it is often said that tumble weeds can't die, this is not strictly true. If a tumble weed's best friend wants to then he and only he can kill the tumble weed. Though he must also sacrefice his life in the process. To this day no such event has ever taken place except once, even in the great war no tumble weed betrayed their best friend so. Before the creation of the human race, the two closest tumble weeds in existance had an argument. One tumble weed saw in the future his best friend liking another more, even more insultingly it was a human that would replace him. His friend said it was cazy but his jealousy and rage grew till it consumed him. His revenge was twofold, first he cursed the human race to suffer a life of toil and pain; he brought death where it would not have otherwise been and even worse than this he attempted to destroy his best friend, but it was too late. They were now enemies not friends, so he was safe from destruction. As he had forseen his xbestfriend found a human who he loved dearly, but he realised that the human was so like him that it was obvious his friend had created the human in his own image to try and have him again. He rolled off into the fiery pits of his own hell laughing bitterly.

The First One

Once before the infinite city there was one tumble weed all alone, the first of the tumble weeds. His first words; the first words ever spoken, before the beginning of time "Fuck I'm bored". So he decided to create another tumble weed, the second one if anyone is keeping track. She popped into existence and said "I'm Glad I created you" He replies "No; I created you". They argue until the city is full of tumble weeds. "No I came first!" A tumbleweed tumbles passed and starts laughing and says "That's nothing to be proud of." They both stand stunned for a second then they both tumble off into the distance laughing.