The alphabet of me

Anger pouring out of these wounds that still remain.
Broken pieces lay on the floor where I stand.
Creating a new layer of emotion that fills the earth.
Dreams have been shattered by your words.
Every happy thought I had is blocked by a wall of darkness.
Forming a dark hole that screams out my name.
Giving up on hopes and dreams.
Hate fills my heart and body.
I want to let the monster out but have no way of allowing it.
Just wanting that light to shine into my soul again.
Keep telling myself it will all pass, but when?
Life has finally taken it's toll on me and you're not helping.
My thoughts used to consist of color but now i see grey and red.
Now, the only thoughts I think are of how to not exist.
Opening the door to the dreamland i once read about.
Purposefully, wanting to escape.
Quiting seems like the right word to explain my thinking process.
Resting under the tree of loneliness is where I want to belong.
Sitting there staring up at the leaves that sway in the breeze.
To think of the best way to escape this reality.
Underneath my skin, I am vibrating with frustration, anger and hurt.
Voices float through my head filling it with their lies and promises.
Whispering they won't hurt me or talk bad about me.
Xanthic images are filling my mind, no longer colors but mixed together.
Yearning to fix the way i view things.
zoetic is the word i long to use but yet i feel the opposite, I feel death.