Daily Flash Fiction Entry 04-03-2011

Interview With An Umpire

“Coach Collins, could you spare a moment for an interview?”

“Fer what?”

“School alumni article about the legendary Hill twins. I was told you would be the best source.”

He stood giving me ‘the eye’, rubbing his chin. I expected him to walk away--

“I remember them. They were a dark pair. Schoolmates we were. Creepy and androgenous we called them. Brother and sister, handsome, but evil… wicked evil. It weren’t their faults. No, the blame rests squarely on their lineage and parents. A whole line of weirdoes, beatniks, and hippies. Reminded me of the Addams Family gone Woodstock.

“They looked identical, at all times, dressed, talked, even acted identical. Couldn’t never tell one from the other just to look at em. Made them difficult to date, never knew who ya got til ya looked down their … oh, sorry. Scratch that, will’ya?”

“Creepy and sick, yes, but, how’d that make them evil?”

“What? Pay attention, son. What made em evil? Why you’d think you was with one and soon find out otherwise. Iff’n they didn’t like you, they’d ruin your reputation by spreading gossip about you riding the wrong pony and likin’ it. Now, some folks claim to be sexually liberated. But that dog don’t hunt around here. No siree, Bob. A guy is a guy and a gal is a gal. None of that Twisted Sister crap here in Merle Haggard country.”

“I see. Okay, they were kinky weirdoes. But how does that make them psycho killers?”

“What? Psycho killers? Hell no, they weren’t no such thing. We’d run them witches and horror-scopic folks outta town long before that. No. Jes’ plain old killers what sent a busload of kids from a rival school over some cliffs s’all. Never proved in court and no psychics involved . Honest.”

(300 words)