Diary of an Egyptian Rebel (unfinished)

I was eight years old my grandfather (God rest his soul) gave me a notebook for my birthday. He was a great writer in his time and told me that if I write in that notebook every day I would be the best writer in the world. Of course I started immediately. I didn’t know what to write though, so I just took notes of everything on my mind. It only lasted a few days though; I sort of lost enthusiasm after that.

But here I am nine years later. I just finished high school and thought I'd give it another try (in case you're wondering it isn’t the same notebook though). Turns out I'm a hard worker; I got out with 97%! I still can't believe it. And I won't forget the proud look on my dad's face when he found out – it's not so often I get that look from him.



I really didn’t think I'd continue writing in this journal, but here I am. I'm very excited about entering the university life. I can't wait to start Engineering (Of course I wouldn’t dare declare that out loud, it would be too nerdy. LOL)



I just came back from my first day of college. It wasn’t bad at all. We didn’t start any lectures, me and my friends just hanged out mostly I guess. There are almost a thousand students in my year though, I don’t know how we can fit in one place and understand anything the professor says. But I guess that's normal, Cairo University is the oldest and definitely the best university in the country and it’s always been like this and still managed to get a good reputation.



I can't believe it's the weekend. I thought I'd stop writing again, but I don’t want to. My first university week has past and it was exhausting. I can tell now that it won't be easy. I wake up at six in the morning and get back home at six in the afternoon (and sometimes after that too). But it is okay, the courses are not bad. Of course it is obvious that they are a bit out of date (and so are most of the professors) but they are interesting nonetheless.

Oh yeah… Hala



Finals are coming up and I'm getting anxious. There is too much to study and so little time. Why on Earth I kept postponing everything to this point I will never know. I really need to get started, so I'll let the journal go for the day then.

(2 hours later)

It's 4 in the afternoon, the day has past already. I guess I'll start studying tomorrow. I promise.

I can't stop thinking about Hala though… I still can't muster enough courage to even talk to her.



I have my first final tomorrow. This is bad. I really don’t think I'm ready. I can't stop blaming myself for waiting until the end of the semester to actually start studying. NEVER AGAIN.

I hope whatever I read today comes in handy tomorrow… I'm going to bed.

(Hala I love you)



I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! I ACTUALLY TALKED TO HER! She is so great! I still remember every detail of conversation. I didn’t know I had it in me to run an entire conversation with her. It was great :) Of course I wasn’t going to leave that jerk Mustafa Hamdy talk to her. I couldn’t help but notice how friendly he was trying to be to her.

HOW DARE HE MAKE HER SMILE!! :@

Those were the longest 10 minutes of my life, watching them simply chat away. The instant he walked off (probably to get high with his junky friends) I walked out to her and asked her how she did on the exam. She is really sweet. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life

I love her.



My results came back! I did great! Things are going good and I'm proud of myself. My parents are too :) I talked to Hala and she did great too. She was very happy. I like the fact that we are becoming very good friends. I still haven’t told her how I feel though… It isn’t the time. I have to make sure she feels the same way.

I Love you, Hala.



I can't believe I actually said it! AND SHE LOVES ME BACK!!! I am officially the happiest man in the world now. This is just perfect. The past couple of years have been going nicely, just a few months left to graduate. My grades are going well and things are going as I plan.

I have a vision now. With the aid of Allah I can provide a good life for us. I'm also thinking of writing (just in my free time), I have some nice ideas. I have some small business ideas on the side as well that my friends and I have been cooking up together. Plus, I have been in contact with a few Americans online; they say they can help me. It's a long shot of course, but who knows? It really would be great to leave all this and have a cool life in the land of dreams.

I have to be the best man in the world for Hala. And I also need to gain her parents' trust.

SHE ACTUALLY SAID SHE LOVED ME!

Well I'm going to bed now… I'll just call her and tell her good night first: P



I graduated with honors! I feel like the past five years just flashed by without having time to breathe, but it was worth all my hard work. Looking back now I really can't believe I have been writing here for five years.



It's been a while since I wrote anything here, but I've been busy. I've been looking for work, turns out its harder than I thought. I used to read and hear every day about a huge unemployment problem in Egypt, but I thought that was because Egyptians are mostly lazy. I thought the graduates only wanted four digit numbers on their first pay, and would settle for nothing less, and that there is always work for those who really wanted to work, not for the money, the money is bound to come later.

But I was wrong, it is really hard. I have tried everything; I've been to countless interviews which all came to nothing in the end. And it's not just me, all my friends are getting desperate as well (those who don’t have relatives in positions of power at least).

My parents are not helping either; they seem to think I'm the lazy one and that I'm not trying too hard.



It has been a year now, I'm still job hunting. Employers all say they don’t need any more employees at the current time, but then we find out they took in a person with an uncle who is a member of their board or something, it's so unfair.

I have nothing to do except spend my evenings in a café with my friends, it's getting boring how my life is becoming the same day repeating itself.



A few more months and a few more interviews later, still no luck. My father is disappointed too, I can tell. He tries not to show it in front of me, but I can feel it every time he looks at me. This isn’t how I planned my life would be. Hala is getting restless too. I need something and I need it fast.



Something happened today. I was out with a few friends, one of them brought along his cousin who spent most of his life in one of those Arab Gulf countries. The day started out fine, he is a very nice guy actually. But then he said something that really bugged me:

"I consider myself lucky I didn’t live in this place."

I could tell my friends didn’t like it, but they didn’t argue (or perhaps they couldn’t). I don’t know how anyone could say that, it's so unfair. Egypt is the best place in the world to grow up in. No other place in the world could provide the same warmth and friendliness of the family as in Egypt.

I don’t know why I let what he said get in to me like that; I felt it was a personal insult to me. Even though – I am ashamed to admit it now – lately I was starting to think a bit of injustice myself. Why? Why would Egyptians have to reach a point where they were forced to say something as horrible as that?

Perhaps it was the fact that it came from someone who lived in an Arab country that made it hurt more. I once read that Egyptians are the people who designed and built the Arab cities that are now as big as places like New York or Paris. This just sounded so true that I couldn’t not believe it at once. Why did we have to help other countries become so big and forget about Egypt? Isn't Egypt more worthy of us than them?

Instead Egyptians everywhere are mistreated by everyone, that Egyptian woman got killed in Germany for wearing a headscarf (her husband almost died protecting her), a thousand Egyptians drown in the ferry (which is ironically called 'Al Salam'), every few often we hear of one of us being killed on our borders by Israelis. Whereas no other country in the world would allow that to happen to any of its citizens, why aren’t we respected by our own government?

What hurts me is that they are considered among the richest of countries because of their oil. On the other hand we are one of the major oil producing countries in the region. But we have more than just oil; we have the Suez Canal (it provides billions of dollars each year), tourism (very few people in the world at least haven’t heard of our history), and much more sources of income. Where does all that money go?  Why does 40% of our population live in poverty? Why does all our country's wealth spread among our leaders and not among us? I believe we could have been the biggest country in the world… But it is too late for that… Isn't it?



Hala called today, it sounds bad. She has been sounding much stressed lately, and today she told me why. She heard her father mention something about a guy; she is worried he might be asking to marry her. I'm beginning to worry, she sounds serious.



It has been a while… I wasn’t really in the mood for anything. I talked to Hala's father a few days ago; he said he already had plans for Hala. His best friend's son is much more successful and has a much wealthier family. He wouldn’t trust her with an unemployed nobody like me. "You're failing in life," he said, "You can't provide anything for my daughter."

It wasn’t like I didn’t know all that, I certainly didn’t need his reminders. But I did it when I had no other choice. I couldn’t stand by and watch Hala being passed around to someone else… not that it mattered in the end. No one in this world can understand how I feel, not even Hala or my parents. I try so hard…

7-1-2011

I had an interview this morning but I decided not to go, it was no use. I heard another person got killed today on the hands of the police. ElSayed Belal, he was thirty something and was arrested and charged with that church bombing in Alexandria. I saw his picture today in the news. It is very hard to believe he is a terrorist though. I heard he was only caught just because he was in the area at that time and had a beard. They tortured him to death, leaving behind a baby son and a wife.

Where is this country going to? The whole world around us is evolving and we are trailing back at such a frightening pace. The future seems very dark all of the sudden. It wasn’t always like this though, what happened? My parents always remember the old days and say they were the days of pride and glory. They were very poor families, but still they were happy, everyone was at that time. Now it is different. Things are getting harder and harder for Egyptians. For decades they have been waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is just diving deeper and deeper.

11-1-2011

I read today that ElSayed Belal's family is under immense pressure from the authorities, they pressed charges against the officers responsible for his death. The whole family is now under house arrest, his brother Ibrahim was threatened to be thrown away in jail indefinitely if he didn’t drop the charges, and Belal's wife turned out to have been pregnant and suffered a miscarriage due to depression. His mother gave a heartbreaking interview as well. How can something like this happen in the twenty first century? And how can the police have the nerve to harass this poor family? Isn't killing their only breadwinner enough? And how can they deny it when el Belal's body showed clear signs of torture all over it? There were various cuts, bruises, and obvious signs of electrocution on his arms, abdomen, and even his around his privates.

14-1-2011

Wow! I'm impressed! Tunisia actually made it happen! I knew things were getting a bit uneasy over there but no one would have ever imagined a president to EVER be driven away – let alone an Arab dictator!

This is just amazing news! There might be hope after all…

15-1-2011

I was just playing around on the computer when I ran across something that caught my attention. It was a post on a page called "We Are All Khaled Said" it stated:

Activists from all over Egypt have now agreed to make the 25th January, the day to start Egyptians' peaceful uprising against torture, poverty, corruption and unemployment in Egypt. Stand up for your rights Egyptians. To our International friends: Support us please in every possible way to make this day a success.



Personally I don’t know what to think. Owing to the recent disappointments in my life, I have been spending most of my time online. And this message seemed to spread around the whole worldwide web like an infection. Almost every single forum was talking about it the twenty fifth of January (which is what we call National Police Day). Of course it’s as much a message to the police as it is to our Ministry of Internal Affairs as well as the whole government. We will remain quiet no longer. I just hope the people come through this time. The instant I first read the invitation on We Are All Khaled Said an ominous feeling of determination took over me. It wasn’t like the many calls on strikes I encountered throughout my lifetime, most of which fell upon deaf ears. But I had a feeling deep in my guts this will be different though, and clearly everyone else has been feeling it too, judging by the way this post is rapidly taking over the internet.

16-1-2011

The government got wind of our calls for protest. They declared an urgent meeting that will take place tomorrow to discuss lowering down food prices. Also it is very obvious that every single form of government run media has suddenly become very interested in how great and wonderful life in Egypt is. How peaceful it has been over the years and how every single Egyptian is having a luxurious lifetime. WOW! That’s all I can think of at the moment.

17-1-2011

A young man this morning actually set fire to himself in front of the Parliament Building while crying out slogans against the notorious State Security (Amn El Dawla) officials. Of course I don’t like the way he killed himself, it is a very unholy sin to kill yourself in all religions, but I hear this is how it started in Tunisia; a man setting himself on fire.

18-1-2011

There is a sense of tension these days in Egypt. I can see it in the eyes of the very public figures who are appearing more than usual on TV. All expressing the ideas of great wealth and satisfaction among the Egyptian people (40% of Egyptians live below the poverty line).

The invitations for protests now reached international levels. Every Egyptian or practically just any person living in another country is invited to organize a protest in front of the Egyptian Embassy there, also on the twenty fifth. In the hope of opening the eyes of the whole world at how much corruption, poverty, and torture there truly is in Egypt.





19-1-2011

I'm amazed at how many people around the world are interested in this. Cities like London and Madrid have actually confirmed their intentions to protest in front of the Egyptian Embassy there. I have a feeling something huge is going to happen next week.

20-1-2011

This is getting bigger and bigger. It is now official. On the twenty fifth Egyptians everywhere will stick to the streets all demanding the same things. Justice and Freedom. I don’t think anyone can believe what is happening. Who would have thought Egyptians would actually have this hope of just one day where they will not be afraid to speak their minds. The people have had enough, they are heroes already; heroes for withstanding such great tyranny for so long.

21-1-2011

Not a single soul of the eighty million Egyptians living in or out of Egypt isn’t waiting eagerly to see what will happen next Tuesday. I hope this time it is different than all the other times something like this was called for. I seriously hope that this isn’t like the sixth of April last year, when a nationwide protest was also declared and no one answered except the brave people of El Mahalla. No one forgets the massacre that took place over there that day…

22-1-2011

I intentionally let slip to my mother that I intend to take part in the demonstrations on Tuesday. I wanted to see what her reaction would be like. Of course she shouted and yelled and called me insane for even considering it. She made it clear to me that she didn’t waste twenty five years of her life tirelessly raising me so that I would commit suicide or let myself get taken away from her.

Of course this didn’t make me feel good. I'm sorry mom, perhaps if something happens to me you will read this journal someday and maybe you would have just the slightest of ideas of how my life turned out to be. In case this day comes mommy, I LOVE YOU.

23-1-2011

I think it is worth mentioning what really happened on the twenty fifth of January and why it is such a significant date for us. It was in 1952 when the British Army attacked the Police Headquarters in Ismailia when the patriotic Egyptian Policemen utterly refused to surrender to the foul occupying army. The encounter left behind fifty martyred policemen and a hundred else wounded, other than those taken prisoners. It really is a shame how Egyptian Policemen are nowadays… But we will not let the memory of the brave men who died protecting our dignity be sabotaged by their descendants of today's world. No! Egypt's history will forever remember the Twenty Fifth of January as the day of Egyptian Dignity and Pride.

No Egyptian Martyr's blood will ever be impaired in such a way.

24-1-2011

I fought with mom today. I had been expecting it. Of course she wants to protect me, but there is nothing I can do. I have to be there for my country. I've been through a lot of injustice and cruelty in Egypt. My family as well as every single Egyptian family out there has been through many hardships on this land, but how can you not love it still? How can anyone be in Egypt and not feel that air of warmth and welcome that you cannot feel anywhere else. It is true, you can never be truly happy anywhere other than Egypt. Of course I don’t envy my father, or every other Egyptian man who must support his family, they are the ones who had it tough. They are the true heroes, only they know hard it has been to survive with their families through all the problems that are only faced in Egypt. Yet it remains a solid and very simple truth that Egypt is the most magnificent place in the world to grow up in. That is why an adult Egyptian, when given the appropriate environment can make magic happen; this magic which develops through his soul only during his growing up, seeing the beauty he can only see, meeting the people he can only meet, experiencing the lifestyle he can only experience, in Egypt.

I'm sorry mom. I'm an Egyptian. Tomorrow I'm going to make magic happen – and on my own land. Tomorrow I'm going to free Egypt from its rusty cage and allow it to soar higher than the clouds once more.

25-1-2011

9 AM

I woke up an hour ago, I still can't imagine how the day is going to be like and I don’t think anybody can, but I'm getting ready. Mom woke up earlier than usual too. I think she wants to keep an eye over me. I don’t mind, for her sake I will leave when I am sure the protests have started.

10 AM

Still nothing, it's still early. I've decided to stay by mom's side until the time comes. I'm still not sure what will happen.

11 AM

The streets outside are much quieter than usual. Are people actually too afraid to step outside? I don’t know… It is still too early, but I'm getting anxious.

12 PM

All the TV channels are covering the streets, still no sign of anything happening though. The streets are overwhelmed by an eerie calmness. I'm getting desperate…

12:30 PM

YES!! The first sign of hope! On TV (sadly yet expectedly, not a national channel) they are saying a protests in 'Dar Al Salam' are taking place. Groups of young Egyptians are shouting for their freedom. This is Amazing :)

12:40 PM

Protests broke out in Alexandria, things are looking good. I really want to go out now. But my mom is tightly gripping my hand, looking at me with such a worried look. How can I tell her I am leaving now?