I Told About My Grandfather's Incest

My dad and I stepped in to my grandparents home.  I have no idea if my grandparents had any idea why we were there.  I don't know if my father phoned them before going or not.



My dad spoke first and told my grandparents what I had said happened the night before.  I can still see my grandmother coming out of her chair furious at the accusation I had made.  I had been scared to death about having to speak myself about what grandpa did, but it never came to that.  I said it was true, but everything was already out of control.  My grandmother was yelling at my father and I, approaching closer to us pointing her finger and saying that "such a thing never happened and why would I come up with such a horrible lie...nothing like that would ever happen in this house".  My father tried to defend me, even yelling back at her at one point, but she bore down on us in a rage, like I had never experienced.



I remember looking over at my grandfather.  He was sitting in his chair with his head slightly bowed, not moving.  He didn't get up or even look at any of us.  He never defended himself or accused me of lying.  He never said a single word.



My grandmother's rage at my father and I was unending.  She was yelling such awful things at my dad who was there to stand up for me.  He tried to calm her down, but nothing worked.  I was sobbing, barely standing I was shaking so from fear.  The noise and the anger kept escalating and it felt to me as though we were being swept into the swirling fury of a tornado.  I remember my mind frantically grasping for help.  All I can remember thinking is that "it was all coming true...everything my grandfather had said would happen if I told was coming true...my family was tearing itself apart...he would go to jail, my parents would be shamed in front of everyone...and it was all my fault.  My brothers and I would be taken away from them and never see them again".  The noise, the anger, the screaming was pushing in on me harder and harder and I had to stop it...I had to make it stop somehow.



I remember making a loud sound and then yelling..."stop..it never happened...it never happened...I lied".  I ran to where my grandfather was sitting in silence as he had the whole time.  I grabbed his arm and snapped my head around toward my grandmother and my dad. Still sobbing, I smiled with everything in me and said to them, "see grandpa and I still love each other...it's okay...grandpa and I are okay...everybody just love each other again, please".  I sank down to the floor holding on to my grandfather's arm even tighter.  I just cried and cried, my body rocking back and forth on the floor, repeating the words..."it's okay...we still love each other"...over and over.