Day 1

In real life, im more the kind of person who listens to others. I try to help others with their problems. And i hope that i can positively affect the people around me. But i feel as if im alone. Its kind of like those things like being in a crowded sub way but still feeling alone. Thats how i feel. And this is why i am challenging my self to do this. If you don't like this then please don't waste your time and stop reading. If you feel as if im offending you then please tell me nicely. no need to troll. And here is where i will try as hard as i can to share myself with you, people who i have never met in hopes that i can do this in the future with people in the flesh, not over the internet.



Background i guess:

Im 14 and live in Miami.

Im a first generation Chinese born living in america with my family.

Im going into high school.



Day 1

Usually in school, because im Chinese, my friends (in jest) are always telling Asian jokes. And i would be lying if i say that i don't like it because sometimes those jokes make my day, because it does. But sometimes i feel a little alienated. In total in my school there are only about 5 other kids from Asia. Most other kids are of Spanish descent or African american.Most of the Asian kids are Filipino or Taiwanese, but none are from china. And i feel as if im in a tiny bubble.

And when in class we discuss our home life and how we are raised all my classmates think that my parents are too strict or too hard and some even think that my parents are border line abusive. But they just don't understand that, that is how Chinese people do their child rearing.

When i try to explain they just say " oh whatever" in that cliche teenager understanding.



School is ending in a few days and i will be entering high school this fall. And it's got me thinking. what happens once i start college? Im afraid that i won't be able to do all the things my mother and father do. Do tax's, go to work, maintain my own life.

Even now as a middle schooler i am pretty independent. I do my own laundry, me and my mother half the chores in the home, this summer im going to start doing a part time job at one of my mother's restaurants, and im waiting to see if my volunteer application to be come a candy striper will be approved. I have a baby sitting job every Sunday. And once i grow older i know it might not be all to different, but it's scary to know that i won't have my parents safety net to catch me if i fail.

I see all the successful adults out there and i wonder, did they feel as much anxiety as i do now? How did they cope and move past their fears.

And because of the slight language barrier and my parents old generation mentality i can't discuss it with them.



Those are the most pressing thoughts i have had today. And i have to say that it is nice that i let it out.

Thank you for listening and i hope you have a nice day.