falling from the sky

Falling From the Sky

         Sometimes I just want to fall out of the sky.  You know; to just step of my wispy cloud and free fall right to the ground.  In all honesty, I think sometimes that it would just be easier. . .

         I mean, those goddamn birds can fly and everything; how come I can’t?  I’ve had a pretty hard life, and I really could use a lucky break like that.  Then I can escape everything painful by flapping my little wings and lifting myself right into the air. 

         I don’t like getting in to it about my life, but let’s just say I’m sick in many different ways.  I hear things, I see things, and I’m underweight.  And that’s all I’m going to tell you.  But tonight, I am going to try and forget all that, because my boyfriend is coming over!  YAY!

         Ah, my boyfriend.  Where should I start?  His name is Jason, and he is absolutely remarkable.  I love him SO much.  He has red hair, and there must be a thousand freckles all over his body.  A lot of people tell me it’s weird that there’s so many, but I don’t care; as long as they are all mine.  Jason always makes me feel beautiful.  He is patient and kind, and I know he’s got my back whenever, wherever.  We’ve only been going out for a few months, so we haven’t really kissed or anything.  In fact, I’ve never kissed ANY boy.  Yes, I am lame, but that is okay with me!

         Anyways, I started getting ready for our “get together” tonight.  It took three hours just to pick out an outfit.  I really wanted him to see just how stunning I could be, and I will admit that I did look pretty hot in my jean shorts and tank top.  I wanted to show Jason that I was someone he could be proud of.

         Omigod!  The doorbell was ringing.  I took one last long look in the mirror, fixed my hair, and went to open the door for him.  He was waving good-bye to his mother, who had dropped him off.  Ah, he is such a gentleman.

         “Hey Jason,” I said, locking the door behind him. 

         “Hey, Leigh.”  He looked like he had been crying. . .hard.

         “Oh, goodness, Jason what’s wrong?  What happened?”  I pleaded him to tell me what was wrong, knowing he usually doesn’t.

         He glanced around.  “Can we go somewhere?”

         “Yeah, sure, how ‘bout my room?”

         He nodded, so I led him upstairs and through the door to my room, suddenly getting very self-conscious about the clothes that were strewn on the ground.

         “OK, hun, tell me what’s going on”  We sat down on the couch.

         He took a deep breath.  For a second I was worried he had killed someone; that’s how nervous and upset he looked.  “I failed my geometry test and now I won’t get into college and my mom will kill me and you’ll hate me and the world just thinks I’m better off dead,”  he exclaimed, all in one breath.  He looked down at the floor, trying hard not to cry.  “I just want to kill myself.  I am only a waste of space.”

         “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jason.  Grades don’t matter.”  I knew he had a problem with concentration.  It’s not his fault if his grades aren’t amazing.

         “I.  Just.  Feel.  So.  Sad.” He said.  “Stupid ADD.  I just want to kill myself,” he repeated, literally wrenching at my heart.

         “You can’t do that!  I like you too much.  I won’t let you commit suicide.  Ever.”

         “Whatever,” he interrupted.

         “No, really.”  I looked him straight in his eyes.  “I care for you, and I’m not going to sit back and watch you beat up on yourself.  I’ll do anything to make you feel better.”

         “There’s nothing,” he shrugged.  I noticed what a fantastic build he had.  I couldn’t help but wonder what was under his shirt.  He probably had a six-pack.  Without even realizing what I was doing, I reached over and touched his stomach through his shirt.  Ohhhhhh wowww. . . he had really hot abs.  I looked up at him and saw I’d been totally oblivious to his weirded – out look.

         “. . .um sorry. ..” I said, “It’s just that you are so hot.”

         He laughed, suddenly happier.  “You are so adorable. 

         I giggled nervously, feeling my cheeks getting red.  I wasn’t sure if he really meant “adorable” in a good way or not, but I decided to change the subject back to him.  “So, you feel better?” I asked.

         “Almost,” he grinned, pulling me into a hug.  I realized how safe I felt in his arms.

         I laughed and hugged him back.  “How about now?”

         “Totally.  Hey.  Can we walk to the park?  I feel like going and getting out of these walls.”

         So together we walked hand in hand down the street to the little park by my house.  It had turned into night outside, and the secluded area where the picnic benches stood was being hit m=by the moonlight.  It looked like a pretty romantic place, so I took him over and we sat down on the same bench, facing each other.

         Wow, he looked so amazing in the moonlight.  I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to say.  He flashed me a smile.  Whoa; I nearly fell off the bench.  He’s absolutely perfect. . .from his eyes to his freckles, and here I was; swooning, making myself look like a fool.

         His lit-up face slowly turned into a nervous smile.  Oh no, what could be wrong?  Was I doing something disconcerting?  I broke out of my love struck state long enough to ask him what was wrong.

         “Nothing.  I just . . .you are looking at me funny, and you haven’t said a word since we got here.  I’m getting nervous you’re getting cold feet about dating me,” he replied.

         Oh, God, if only he knew how far from the truth that was.

         “No!  No, not at all. You just look so amazing tonight.”

         “Thanks,” he blushed.  “So do you.”

         “No I don’t.”  How could he even begin to think that?  I’d spent so long getting ready, but I still didn’t look hot enough or pretty enough to be dating such a cute guy.  I could feel the tears coming on.

         “Yes, you do.”  Your hair is fantastic, and I swear I can see heaven in your eyes.”

         “No. . .”

         “ Are we really going to argue over this?”

         “No.”  I wanted to let myself believe him, but I just couldn’t.  I turned my head so he wouldn’t see me crying.

         “Bottom line is,” he said, trying to turn me towards him, “I got pretty lucky.”

         I finally looked over at him with tears rolling down my cheeks.  “I. . .I don’t know.”  I had no idea what to say.  What do you tell a guy when he says something like that to you and you can’t believe it?

         “Oh, Leigh,” he looked genuinely sad for me, “don’t cry.  You’re too pretty to cry.”  He wiped the tears off my face.  “Listen, I know you might have certain issues.  You know, about your body and all.  But I don’t mind going the extra mile for you to be happy.  I just want you to know how beautiful you are.”

         I smiled at him, and crying having subsided.  “ And I know you have your own problems as well, and you might not feel 100% all of the time.  But I will do my best to make sure you are happy and feel smart and amazing.”

         “Amazing,” he repeated, putting his arm around me, making me move closer to him.  I tried not to react to the electricity behind his touch.  “That’s a good word.” He shook his head.  “Amazing.”

         “This whole NIGHT is amazing,” I laughed.

         “YOU’RE amazing,” he said right back.

         Could he be any cuter?  “LIFE is amazing.”

         Jason turned to look at me.  “God, I love you.”

         I bit my lip, my heart beating out of my chest.  I couldn’t believe what I was about to say.  Oh.  My.  God.  Everything was so perfect;  I was abou to faint.  Legit. 

         “I…I love you too.”

         He held my gaze for a second, then started leaning in towards me.

         And.

         Then.

         We.

         Kissed.

         And it really was amazing.  Just like me, just like him, and just like life. . .And I fell right out of the sky so hard, I didn’t feel the landing.