THE LAST WHAT IF

THE LAST WHAT IF

         Her life had been full enough she supposed laying upon her sick bed. The old woman, now in her final hour, surrounded by family and physician, slipped into a warm memory’s dream. She dreamed of a man from long ago, a handsome man, an earthy man. A man with a shaded past, a man she knew could be a dangerous man, yet she had always felt safe and protected around him. To her he was always a gentle man, almost boyish in his innocence around her, though she always knew there was precious little of that left in him.


         Now, above all else, she knew he was the man she had been too afraid to embrace and give herself. She saw him in her mind, the intensity of his eyes as he spoke, baring his soul with his feelings, desires and love for her. She felt the pain of her decision to stay away from him like a hot knife in her heart. She felt the emptiness of her life which came from that decision. She had been too afraid of the days to come, of the what if’s of life, to let anything continue to grow between them.


         The differences had been too great she had told herself, no matter how much she desired the passion and craved the love he had given her. She knew he could truly love her. She never doubted that, she had doubted herself. He tried to explain to her he would wait on her until she was ready. He tried in vain to express to her he was willing to wait forever for her. He promised her that, then he begged her not to send him away.


         She witnessed again the pain and sorrow in his glistening eyes the evening she stopped what could have been. She saw him once again walking away without another word, slumped shouldered and broken, unable to display his usual proud and cocky bearing. She had never seen him again. She felt again the pain of hurting him so. She told herself once again, she was being wise, only now she did not feel so sure it was the truth after all.


         It seemed so odd to her that at this late hour of her life, after all these years, he would be the one to fill her last thought. Then she saw him there, standing in his black leather jacket and jeans. He had that cute, little boy, cocky smirk and somehow he looked so much younger than before. He was smiling now and stretching out his arms for her. She felt herself float into his arms, once again young and for the first time unafraid.