"Wants & Needs"

I wanted to 'know' you,
But I needed to get to know you,
Yet unwilling to take the time

I wanted to see you
But I needed you to see me
Yet unwilling to make myself visible

I want to talk to you
But I needed to listen
Yet unwilling to satisfy me ears with the sound of your soul

I wanted to 'touch' you
But I needed to feel you
In order to grasp the concept of your true essence

I even wanted to dwell in the heaven that your scent
But does it really make sense
For I needed to determine if that scent was truely worth my nose

I needed to take my time with you
But all I wanted to do was rush
Unabe to control my urges of blissful sin

Now it is clear that I went about this wrong.
And as crystal, I see my selfishness
I was wrong to want to give you all you hope for in a guy
I was wrong to want to remain faithful to what wasn't mine
I was wrong...to allow myself to be used for warmth, comfort, & pleasure.

I wanted to comfort you
But I needed to sacrifice my own comfort for a stranger
Unwilling to analyze the target of my affection

I wanted to hold you,
But I needed to know how to be held.
In a romantic bond that you were unwilling to create

I wanted to give you everything your heart desired
But I needed to realize that you might not feel the same
Yet unwilling to accept reality for what 'it' was.

I needed to consider the future
But for you...all I wanted was to live in the moment
Unwilling to open my eyes just a little more.

It now hurts my heart,
But it now knows the difference between a want and a need
And that's all I need...to move into a future I want, all the more wiser.

I WANTED... to love you
But I NEEDED to love myself
Yet I was unwilling to consider me self-love in fear of me losing 'love'

I WANTED... to trust you
But I NEEDED to slap the hell out of myself & realize, that was NOT the thing to do
But unwilling to go through pain in order to avoid worse one.

And now....I want to hate you,
But I need to thank you...
No longer I am I unwilling.....to admit...,"You made life better off for me"

-jMillz