Some Musings... Put into words

Sluggishly I pry open my eyelids! I feel I am falling but I am unsure where I am. The wind passing by me signifies great speeds... My wings have been ripped from their base, blood oozes down my back! My chest is on fire, every breath giving cause to scream!! Where am I? Why am I still falling? Memory snaps back with the force of a baseball bat across the forehead!! I know with absolute surety I am about to die! Crushed within the chaos below, unable to maintain my form! Is there a point of resisting the inevitability of this implosive demise!
I feel my energies dispersing causing me to lose shape and form... Is there an afterlife, will I finally find the solution to existence?

Coughing, spluttering I awake choking from the sensations still vivid within my mind! Euphoric with the knowledge I am still alive! I crawl away from the divan towards the kitchen. My water, I need the energy water to maintain my consciousness! I need to stay awake to survive! With every movement comes a screaming torment of pain as I crawl towards my life giving substance

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The deluge of water made everything appear distorted and dark! The shadows no longer moved they now hunkered down and beckoned for the darkness to encompass them even more. Along the cobbles I slowly dragged my abused body wondering why I had ever wanted to go to war! Intersecting my painful shuffle was the stealthy sounds of being followed. Someone or something showed a greater interest in my movements than anything had in a long time. Between two buildings I wedged myself and blended into the shadows in an attempt to find out who my unwanted follower was. Slowing my breathing and leaning heavily against the nearest wall I maintained vigilance in near absolute silence, the tempest of nature around me would swallow any minor sounds I would make. With precision and balance of an exquisite dancer my stalker came into view, moving carefully and swiftly along in an attempt to recapture the scent of a lost prey! With a startled recognition I called out to my follower, holding my breath to see if I was prey or friend!!

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Slowly I turned around allowing my eyes to focus on the enveloping darkness, to face what had caused the fear shining in her eyes!! There, metres before me were the same pulsating blood red eyes full of hunger and evil, within shadows of darkness hidden by the blindness of my limited vision. Vibrating with the spectre of my fear I slowly step towards the hellish creature knowing my time had come and I still had so much to do!! Again another step, each step harder than the last as the fear grew, causing my bowels to release and my legs to shake!!

"Wake Up"!!
"Come on, Wake Up"!!

Slowly I opened my eyes to the bleary welcome sight of morning dawn streaming through my window into my room. My lover was shaking me, and looked furious!! Today was not going to be a good day, and the memory of my exquisite fear within my dream dissipitating quickly with my oncoming consciousness, and the sudden realisation that I had a mess to clean up!! I was a fully grown, how could I have done this. Shame bowed my head as I mumbled to my lover that I would fix this and clean it up!! Moving off towards a welcome shower, I slowly try to regain the memory of my dream. So vivid, so vibrant that it had seemed almost real, so much so that it had caused me to soil the bed sheets and wake us up from our long awaited respite of a late sleep in!!


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Within the dazzling brilliance of the false sun, I stretched across my minimalistic bedding to visualise my next escapade. The white light swaying backward and forward causing shadows to reappear where they dispersed from seconds ago, blinding spots to appear before my eyes when I look at it directly. Closing my eyelids to allow for memories and ideas to take form in my mental theatre. Within these private contemplations I slowly grin with the realisation that I can never be fully imprisoned and captured. My will was free and thus I could soar with my thoughts. Opening my eyes slowly to re-evaluate my small room of brightly lit white padded walls, I continue smiling enjoying the discomfiture of my watchers


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The all encompassing bubble of joy from seeing her striding towards me was quickly burst with the dreaded realisation that this daydream could not be real as she had died ten years ago! And yet here she was, now standing in front of me, smiling as though nothing unusual had happened!
"How?"
"Stuart, what's wrong? You're pale, are you okay?"
"How?"
A frown was beginning to marr those forever remembered porcelain features! Something I had never wanted to be the cause of when she was alive!
"What do you mean How?"
"Umm, What?"
"Oh come on Stuart, is this some last second cold feet thing? I know we're getting married tomorrow, are you trying to avoid it?"
A tear slowly starting to appear within her magnificient blue eyes!
Shaking my head, trying desperately to come to grips with the reality forming around me! How could this be possibly true! She died the day of our wedding, Was I reliving this nightmare within a dream! But this conversation never happened. How could I be remembering this when htis never happened.
"No, No!! Not cold feet! I was stunned by your approach and found myself unable to think properly again"
Her smile lit up my world, it was exactly as I remembered it!! The shock of seeing it again stopped me from breathing, being unable to move whilst held within its' spell!!
I don't want this fantasy to end. Here she was again in front of me. Something I had tried to stop from remembering for the last decade! And the pain of loss was excruciating, equalling the pleasure of envisioning my angel alive and breathing again! And yet knowing none of this could possibly be true, and yet this was not a memory!!


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Rebuilding my body takes time, remembering and restructuring myself down to the smallest function, capillary, blood cell. I have obtained the ability to do this within a small time span, but the pain whilst remodelling my body takes time and energy and is distracting. No matter how fast my mind desires the transformation, it has to be right or the shape will not hold or function as it should. The gossamer wings are modelled feather by feather, the size and structure must be solid to allow flight. I have met others that cannot fly, and I would forever crave the freedom flight allows if I could not contain my patience to recreate my wings. Wraithlike I solidify, wisps of energy slowly congealing to the form I envision. Eyes capable of extraordinary vision open and I see the world around me again. Flexing my muscles I unfold my wings and test their strength. I move and hop like within a karta to test I am whole. I am reborn again and turn towards my destination, my path is clear. Tonight I must succeed or forever lose the chance to obtain the next level.
Slowly I awake, drained and achromatic from the activity of the night. I feel the ghost murmurs of wings I can never use. Druggedly I lurch for the bathroom, vomiting on the floor from the exertion of moving to quick, too soon. A shower, needed as my alarm has started and I must get dressed for work.


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With the oncoming onslaught of the storm front, people were scattering to find suitable shelter. The scorched earth from the raining fire showed across the land like a spreading disease! The line of devastation from the storm moved quickly enveloping and destroying everything within it's path! Where was it from, why was it destroying everywhere? No one knew but everyone feared it. The sleepers were not coming back. The dreamers were hiding and sheltering. Fear had everything within it's grip destroying the will to fight even before the storm hit! I watched the people scurrying like ants towards the ineffectual shelter they craved, I had learned I could go over the storm and see the aftermath of its coming. The devastation and destruction of its passing left was immense, nothing was left standing or alive, the charred corpses reaching out for someone or something to help or save them from their demise. Tears overwhelming my vision I slowly beat my wings away from the wall, looking for somewhere to land and rest!!