poems

Tell it to the lies
They will repeat for you
What they imagine
You cannot bear to live without.
The truth, so good.
2006


There is nothing real in me
Nothing good left
I don’t think. I don’t talk. I don’t smile.
I miss my children trusting me
I miss my children
I see them everyday but I don’t look
I hate the sound of my voice
I hate that my children try so hard
To be perfect so I won’t send them away
I need to go for a while
I need real and honest help
May 2006


Goodbye to Meanness
You are not welcome anymore
Come out Anger
I will take it from here
Where is my Magic, my Love
Where is my Calm
June 2006

White moths at White Rock
Cows gently curious
Once checked I am no threat
To them chilling at home
I am only visitor and I like the cows
Relaxed, I lie back
Watch fairies dance on summer day sky
March 2006



Hidden tombs hold heavy death
Of the taken and torn
Murdered in sick greed
Then after, float free to think and feel again
Healed and whole exploring their heavens
Gone, missed but never finished
October 2007
 

Belonging to you too hard
Months spent frozen scared
Bound sick with guilt
Not mine to suffer

I came to you as Fear
And as Panic
Begging for explanation
I chocked on rotten darkness
The kind you sense not see
Surrounded us thick
Belonging to death

Chaos is constant
Confusion it’s mother
Where is my offence
My sin
When will this panic be justified?
I want to name it
To rid of it

Muted days
Thankful for time alone
And for portions of peace
Turn inside out and back again
In bed on shower floor
Locked still
Scared of something I can’t name or move

Tired of breathing shock
Betrayed by instinct
Gut feeling and suspicions tornt me
Prove nothing but naked fear
Proving me unwell left to wonder

Company intolerable
Your’s insulting
You refuse to see the wrongness
The sadness
Your body exhausted and stiff
Rocks begging comfort

I can’t comfort a man hiding so much
I can’t respect a man so dishonest
I can’t stop shaking long enough
To thank you
For beautiful things
I sit sad watching your violence rise
Your words damning me disloyal

I have been desperate for change
Starving for peace

I took love back
I don’t miss you anymore
God’s grace is perfect
He knew I would not survive
Belonging to you

When did another’s life
Equal anything less than your own
When did your freedom
Justify taking another’s
When did unlimited credit and stature
Become so important


Maybe this is all better left alone
October 2007




When it’s too sad to speak
Talk with God in tongues
When the burden so deep
The healing so urgent
But the words bring vomit
Talk with God in tongues
October 2007