James is depressed.

THE FOLLOWING RANT DOES NOT EXPRESS MY VIEWS ON JAMES MASLOW. AND ITS NOT TRUE. I PROMISE.

James Maslow is a nerd. He read FINANCE BOOKS. He never wanted to be a singer/dancer. His dream was always to be a Real Estate agent. Like a nerd. But he had too low of a self esteem. So he followed his father’s dream. He became famous. Now, he remembers how much he used to want to be a real estate agent. Every night, he goes up into his room, curls up on his bed and bawls his eyes out. Kendall notices his best friend’s strange behavior and decides to try and cheer him up. “Dude-“

James cuts him off. “Don’t ‘dude’ me!”

“Ok, sorry”

“Just say what you were going to say.”

“Well, I was GOING to ask if you wanted to go skateboarding with me.”

“No.”

"No? You love skateboarding!”

“But I HATE you!”

“I thought we were best friends!”

“We are.”

“I’m confused. We’re best friends but you hate me?”

“Exactly”

“Fine” Kendall turns to walk out of James’s creepy room.

“WAIT! Aren’t you going to ask me why I hate you!?”

“I wasn’t planning on it…”

“Fine. I’ll tell you.”

“Actually, I was gunna go play X-box with Carl-“

“SHUT UP! I’m talking to you!”

“Fine. What is it?”

“You’re prettier than me.”

“Pretty? Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“No. Be quiet. Let me tell my story.”

“Whatever you say dude.”

“DON’T DUDE ME!”

“Fine. Just tell me your ‘story’”

“I’ve always been so confident in my looks. My beautiful hair. My perfect smile. It’s all so amazing. And it’s all mine. But then…Then I met you. You with your awesome eyebrows and your amazing smile and your perfect chin. I just can’t handle it. It’s everywhere…EVERYWHERE.” James’s eyes are wide with histerical fear. “No…NO! It’s not true! IM MORE BEAUTIFUL! How can you say that?! Stop lying! No! M00SE! DON’T LEAVE ME! NOT FOR KENDALL! NO! NOT YOU TOO BEKAH! NOOOOOO!!!” Kendall is slowly backing away when James turns on him. “You! It’s all your fault! Everyone’s leaving me and it’s all your fault!” Kendall holds up his hands in defense. He trips over a skull in James’s room. Carlos comes in and sees the chaos.

“James calm down.” -Carlos

“YOU calm down!” -James

“Carlos, quick! Give me your face!” –Kendall

Carlos grabs one of the bloody butcher knives out of James’s drawer. He cuts his face off and tosses it to Kendall. Kendall catches it and replaces his own face with it. “Look at me. Now I’m ugly.” James sees Kendall’s new face and screams in horror.

“I think my face may be a little TOO ugly.” –Carlos (I actually love Carlos's face)

“DON’T YOU GET IT?! I DON’T CARE ABOUT LOOKS! I KNOW IM MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN EITHER OF YOU!” –James, obviously

“Hey guys, what’s up?” –Logan

“Not much. You?” –Carlos

Logan grimaces at Carlos’s bloody face. “Dude…you’re getting blood on the floor.” -Logan

“Carlos, go into the kitchen. Logan go fix Carlos’s face.” -Kendall

“Dude. I’m not a doctor. I can’t do that. I think you guys get me mixed up with my character some times. You should stop. It hurts my feelings.” –Logan

“Logan, I know you’re not a doctor. I’m not getting you mixed up with your character. It’s just that you’ve got some awesome sewing skills. Just sew his face back on. I would do it myself but...” Kendall turns to look at James, tears streaming down his face, as he trys to pull all his hair out of his head.

“I get it. I’ll fix Carlos up.” –Logan

“Thanks man” –Kendall & Carlos

Kendall puts his face back on and it immediately molds itself onto his head perfectly.

Logan and Carlos walk out the door and into the kitchen. Kendall turns back to James. “So. What’s REALLY wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“James, you’re about to pull all your hair out. Don’t you care? You love your hair.”

‘No I don’t! I hate my hair!” Kendall suddenly remembers yesterday’s recording. James seemed incredibly half-hearted. In fact, he’d been like that for the past 8 weeks.

“James? Do you like your job?”

“……”

“What do you want to be?”

“mmhnnhmmfmmnnff”

“What was that? I can’t hear you!”

“I ALREADY TOLD YOU! DON’T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN! I DON’T WANNA DO YOUR WEIRD MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH THING! I DON’T LIKE IT!!!”

“James, I really couldn’t hear you.”

“Oh. Well…I always wanted to be a Real Estate Agent.”

“Then why aren’t you?”

“Because! I would make a terrible real estate agent! I’m too stupid!”

“No your not.”

“AM TOO!”

“JAMES! IM TIRED OF YOU SULKING AROUND! IF YOU WANNA BE A REAL ESTATE AGENT, THAN BE A REAL ESTATE AGENT!!!”

“FINE!” James stalks out the door.



Two years later;



“How do you think James is doing?” –Logan

“I bet he sucks.” –Carlos

“STOP TALKING ABOUT JAMES IT MAKES ME JEALOUS!” –Karl, the new band member

“I bet he’s doing great.” -Kendall

“I am” –James

“JAMES!” –Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

“Hey guys. I’m gay.”

“WHAT?!”- Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

“I KNEW IT!” –Karl

“I’m gay and I love Kendall.” -James

“Dude. I don’t feel the same way. I love Martha.” –Kendall

“I know. But I can’t live without you. So I came back to the band.” –James

“ALL RIGHT!” –Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

Everyone’s happy as BTR is reunited. They throw a welcome back party for James. Martha and Kendall get married. No one remembered Karl.