A Quite Change

"Excuse me boss, you can't cut the line!", My brother gesticulated in an angry tone at a rather stout and short man, who was trying to cut across a long queue of a temple. The man in question, broke into a sweat and replied falteringly,
"oh it's all right, I am just getting my shoes back."
To which my brother gave a quick retort,
"Everybody left their shoes at the gate. Buddy, do we look stupid to you!?"
At which point my father called the attention of the security guard and pointed out the culprit, along with two other people he noticed earlier.My mother, in the midst of this scenario, gave my brother and father that "oh boys, not again!" look and smiled at the two of them while I just stood behind them wondering,
"Why not me?"

That episode was just one of the many instances which showcased my family's trademark "boldness" and well, my lack of it. I always knew that I was the
"shy" one. The one friend who is always ready to help them out of any
sticky situations. The one person who would never say "no". And so, there would come times when I knew that people were taking advantage of me. But for some reason, that never bothered me at all. As long as I got to help them. It did as a matter of fact, made my feel all the more helpful. As long as it was in my capacity to help and as long as I felt that I was not hindering any sort of learning experience, people would always look up to me first

When I really started caring about this facet of my personality was when I began sensing neglect, in a general sense. For example, in a restaurant, waiters would seem to forget the first come first serve rule whenever I dined alone, they were always tended to first. It would sometimes even come to a blatant," Sorry sir, I forgot your order after patiently waiting for a good 45 minutes for my simple burger and fries to arrive. Incidents like these have happened one time too many for me to forgive with a considerate attitude. Getting things done and getting them done right from people becomes a little difficult. A favor would many a time, be met with excuses, some really paper thin. This could be as I give out a impression of really not getting angry or disappointed about anything, that I wouldn't "mind" if the work or assignment I asked for was a little sloppy or even incomplete. Even showing my downright disapproval would not seem to have any effect on people. In short, I wasn't being taking seriously. In fact, this facet of my personality was hindering my ability to make bolder choices. I would always stick to the more comfortable choices when it came to dining out, wait for people to talk to me first and well,be the safe person.

College: that one place to start all over again. It's been a year now since I joined and well, I have to say, things really did work out for the better. So many experiences coupled together slowly molded me from a carefree teenager into a responsible young man. The lack of restrictions, the fact that my parents weren't around to get me out of every sticky situation, handling of accounts ,voicing my opinions, slowly began to make me more assertive and confident. Meeting new people and hearing their view points, learning new mentalities got me a bit more imaginative, a lot more explorative and made me live life a bit on the sunnier (and many a times, wilder) side more often. People seem to take my ideas and opinions more seriously too. Maybe this was due to the fact that I made my mark by doing certain things. That and the way I spoke and interacted inculcated a certain level of trust and well, comfort in people.

All in all, my character is still red hot under the anvil, being slowly molded under my own watchful eye. I also realize now that you don't really have to set the house on fire every time someone nudges you. That's just psychotic.Although it is kind of reassuring to know that when someone tries to the cut line and I give them the dirtiest look, does he get the point that I am not fooling around and well, gets back to his place. This is when I let myself a small smile. Yes, a quite change was surely stirring something.