My Worst Pain Forced Me to True Meaning

My Worst Pain Forced Me to Find True Meaning

By Betty L Nelson

My decision to help other senior women came out of the worst pain of my life. It came suddenly from being tossed aside in my early 60's. My husband was a professional man with a drinking problem. He committed what I believed to be an unpardonable betrayal of our marriage. In spite of the fact that I was breathlessly terrified of being alone, I filed for divorce. And thus began my very difficult journey back to wholeness.

When I was married, I thought I had it all, a beautiful home on the lake, my own Cadillac in the garage, status in the community, Caribbean vacations, and a social life with professional people, but in spite of all this, I was not entirely happy. Now I drive a Prius, live in a condo, enjoy a satisfying social life and live near my son and his family. I live a comfortable, contented life. I am no longer terrified of being alone. In fact, one of my favorite things to do is to sit peacefully in front of my fireplace and think, or write in the blissful solitude of my own home.

I want to help spare others the unnecessary pain of loneliness because they think they are damaged beyond help. Or they are stymied and feel they don't know how to rebuild their lives. Because I have survived it, I believe I can guide other senior women to a place where they believe they can find a love relationship and a more fulfilling life.

My road back was not easy. There were times when I even had difficulty driving and had to pull off the road to get a grip on myself because I was in such deep emotional pain. On top of all that, I made every mistake in the book when I began to date again. It was only after years of reading, study and numerous seminars that I started to get it right. I did not have the precious gift of a loving family around me when I was growing up to teach me how to love and be loved.

I found, as I healed both emotionally and physically, that mature women were drawn to me, sensing I understood the depths of their pain. They knew I was a good listener and they felt they could trust me with their inner world. They shared their heartaches and their secret dream of finding love again. I seem to have an unusual understanding and sensitivity to mature women's issues, emotionally, financially and especially the unique challenges they face as they begin to date again.

Believe me, time is not the best healer, it's what we do with that time that is the great healer. On my journey, I met a very sad woman who put her life on hold for 17 years after her divorce. She was still hurting terribly 17 years later. What a waste of a life. Whatever you do, find the courage to love yourself and others again.

You have to learn coping skills to overcome difficult situations like anger, rejection, bitterness and sadness, which usually follow a break up. If you don't learn to control your emotions, they will control you and your well-being. Once you have regained your balance, you can walk into the light of a new life and new love again. This is the wonderful gift that nature gives you when you have the courage to walk through your personal storm: wisdom and clarity.

You have heard the saying, "It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." A loving heart can love again. A wounded heart need not become bitter, despairing, or resigned. A wounded heart can be a seasoned and a more understanding heart that knows more of the realities of life and love. You will never ever be the same. But you will have the priceless gift of an opportunity to become a better person and to serve others by taking their hand and helping them through it. You can see your past mistakes and learn from them. You can take all the love you gave in the past and build on it. You will find love again.

What's my mission?

To inspire and empower senior women to step confidently into their secret dreams of a new love relationship. To offer them the skills to effectively approach the right man in the way he enjoys, suggesting exactly what to say and what to do to start this exciting new journey. To provide tools and tips to encourage the senior women to come out of her isolation, to melt her frozen heart and have her begin to believe that she can rebuild her life. And, furthermore, that she truly deserves to have a life partner to share the joys and trials of life. But most of all, my real inner mission is to see that spark of light come on in a senior woman's eyes that says,"Yes, I think I will try this. Yes, I think I can do this"!!

What obstacles did I overcome? And how did I overcome them?

The worst obstacle I had to overcome was that I truly I didn't believe I had anything to offer the world. This was fueled by marital rejection which triggered much earlier parental abandonment issues. If my own parents didn't want me, then why would anyone want me? Shyness and low self-worth was made even worse by social embarrassment which resulted in my isolation. During that time I suffered a stroke and endured almost a year of grueling physical therapy to literally get back on my feet. That was a huge wake up call for me. I lost 97 lbs in three years, and I realize now, I ate to console myself. I started a water aerobics exercise program that continues even today. After getting on my feet, I underwent a very tough spine surgery to correct severe curvature of the spine through the installation of titanium rods to support my back.

Three powerful weapons brought me through all this. These were learning new coping skills with the help of skilled counselors, finally accepting help from my wonderful, supportive friends in several Red Hat chapters who got me out of the house and patiently loved me back to a new life, and finding the personal courage to reach deeper into a spiritual source of strength that was there all along. I learned to ask for guidance early for my journey through the day, sometimes hour by hour and at other times, minute by minute.

Many things in life require more than a few efforts before we get it right. One thing I know for sure, I will never give up on love until I get it right! When you have love, faith comes, sadness passes, and solitude breaks. If you fall down, refuse to stay down. If you get pushed down again, rise up and raise your heart to heaven and make the impossible possible!!"

Written by Betty L Nelson

Did you find this article useful and informative? Our book "Hot Dating Tips for Cool Senior Divas" gives you the keys to finding the man who is right for you. Betty L Nelson is a dating and relationship coach. She helps senior women with relationship and dating advice. Receive a free mini-course to discover the 3 best tips for senior women who are interested in dating. Go now to http://datingforseniorwomen.com to get your free guide and maximize your dating success. Come join me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/OlderWomenDating?ref=ts