A big part of me died.

From the Diary of an 18 year old girl.
This is a work of fiction



A big part of me died on this day.

Today is the fifth anniversary of my mother’s death. It's also the fifth anniversary of when part of me died too.
At 11:59 PM on October 14th, 2000, my mother was involved in a horrible traffic accident in Hamden, Connecticut. She was a passenger in a car that was hit on the passenger side, critically injuring her. The driver of the other car was in serious condition and transported also. We found out later that he was intoxicated. She was transported to the hospital and my aunt was notified. She called my dad and I, so that we could be there too. At the time, my father and I were working a construction job in Mobile, Alabama. We purchased emergency airline tickets and were there in a matter of hours.

My father went in to see her immediately and I was asked to wait a few minutes while my visit could be arranged. My mother died moments later with dad by her side. I didn't get to say goodbye and at the time that was just as well. I had no feelings at that moment because I fixed myself up pretty good and was numb. You could say I missed the whole thing.

My mother was an alcoholic from way back when I was a little girl. Her drinking eventually led to my parents getting a divorce and my father moving a few miles from where we lived. She wasn't a mean drunk nor did she neglect my upbringing. She was a closet drinker. I was too busy with drugs and alcohol myself to notice her condition. Like her, I was pretty good with hiding what I was doing.

On one of her nights alone, she ran out of Southern Comfort and was forced to make a run to the liquor store. Halfway back she was involved in a three car accident that wasn't her fault. There was one fatality. All the drivers were given blood tests and ironically all three failed. Because the accident resulted in death, and my mother’s driving record was shattered with tickets resulting from DUI’s, the judge revoked her driver’s license, never to drive again. That began her recovery with the booze and making it harder for me to drink.

Up to this point, I had been in and out of 3 hospitals, 2 detox centers and 2 long term rehabs, which I failed miserably as far as results. Nothing was going to keep me from drowning out my problems. I had a million of them too. My family worked hard at making things right and trying to help me. I was just too sweet to listen to their suggestions of getting better.

I saw a bunch of psychiatrists and they tried this, that and the other thing to try and help me. I went to AA meetings and just didn't get it at the time. There were many different treatments and I shrugged them all off. There was only one thing that worked and when I figured it out, a big part of me died right then and there.

She was out with her best friend that night. They had an early dinner and then stopped for ice cream on the way back home. She was happy and sober that night. She was free from the ills that controlled her. She was killed by a drunk driver who was my age at the time. I talk to this boy on occasion. He, like me, stopped doing what was killing us at 11:59PM on October 14th, 2000.

Today, I'm happy joyous and free. I can feel pain and that's a good feeling. I can laugh and cry and just be me. I like me just fine today and it's the best feeling in the world. I talk with my mother at times, and we take walks to the park. I tell her how I am doing and she listens. When finished, I place her back on the shelf next to her favorite picture of my dad and me so she can see what I'm up to.

I bet the view is wonderful.