Being Single, How do I do it?

So how exactly do I do this?
Being Single?
I'm old now, I'm out of practice.
My last date was in 1984 and see how that turned out. We moved in together, I was in college, he was a baker. What was I thinking them? I had just broken up with my High School Sweetheart a couples months before and maybe our relationship was suppose to last, he really just was a rebound relationship right? That lasted 26 years? I never wanted to be married, I never wanted to be divorce, my parents were and so was so many other family members, so divorce runs in the family right? Am I just following suit?

No, No, No I'm not! My marriage was terrible, divorce had to come or something bad would have became of me. I got my 6 great kids out of it, right?
My kids, they act like their dad, they think it is ok to fight and argue, they think it is ok to hurt others. My daughter told me the other day"Mom you need to stop trying to set good examples for us, it is a waste of your time" Why? Because I want them to have morals and values? Why would they follow their dad footsteps? Did they not see everything he did to me? All the hurt and the pain of being beaten and bruised. They seen how bad he would treat me. Why not decide that "I'm going to make a better life for my self and not be in a relationship like my Mom".

3 children are grown and out of the house, they all say "Mom you need to met someone", why? Why do I have to be with someone? 1 will take me out to the bars, why? Your father was a drunk and I want to be around more people like him, no thats ok. Another one said we should try speed dating, I made her explain that one. Why would I go to met strangers? how would I know if I really would be interested in 5 minutes? Who knows what kind of person they are? I could be walking right back into a person like your father. I wouldn't,shouldn't, couldn't and just plain won't do that again. Never Ever.

My husband beat, stomped, kicked, spit, pushed, me for so long I still hurt from his injuries. He cheated on me, he was a drug addict for over 20 years, he drank almost the whole relationship. Marring him was a mistake, I know I felt bad about it and in God's eye we were sinning. That did matter, I said yes. Why? The abuse started in my3rd month of preganacy with our very first child. I got pregnant and I was now his property, I was his possession, I had him inside of me. I left but came back, why?
His beatings got worse and more children came. I left several times but I came back, I couldn't take their father away from them like my Mom did to us. It mattered.

I filed for divorce and knew I would need a restraining order too.So both were filed and now i am divorced.
Now I am single!
So what do I do?
I like my house being calm now, I like not having to worry what, when and where all the time.
When I have bad dreams now, I just get up and started doing some housework, which seems to be a never ending job with children..,
At night I put pillows around me to tuck my ownself in and my bed doesn't feel empty.
I go to work everyday to make sure I am providing for my children.
I go for walks in the parks and listen to my music.



I did meet someone, he seems like a nice person,
But I am still learning how to be single, right?