Risk

Oh the risk, the risk
To let you in
I'm trying hard, can't do it
Three wines, can do it more
Feel silently hysterical
Can't let you see that
I seem laid-back, easy-going, you say
I laugh, you don't know
And I don't want you to know.

I don't want you to see too much of me
What the hell will happen?
Will you turn and walk away?
I've never been so happy in my life.
And yet I'm terrified, petrified
Don't say the right thing,
Every second word is wrong,
I daren't say too much,
And I'm too shy,
You tell everyone I'm quiet,
Then I get quieter still.

It was much safer pushing people away and being
By myself. Then you
Caused an opening, a wanting
A wanting to be close, to blend and meld
But I can't blend this chaos into anything
This relationship terror
This is terror, it's a risk
A risk of disappointing you, of causing pain
Of not being able to espress what I feel, and of
Expressing the complete opposite of what I feel
And causing you unhappiness. I'm sorry.
I want to tell you I'm sorry
For all of it, for all of me,
But I'm just silent,
And I perplex you,
And I'm darn sorry,
And I hurt, but you don't know.

Too much risk!