Uncharted

"No words,
My tears won't make any room for 'em, oh
And it don't hurt
Like anything I've ever felt before"

Lila always knew saying good bye left her with a heavy heart and a headache from crying. She was used to wishing someone good luck at college, or congratulations on a marriage. But this time, everyone was saying good bye to her. Staring out the window, she tried to get the tears to stop flowing but failed. Lila's dad, to whom she had mixed feelings, had gotten a great job offer out of state. With three kids to put through college, he needed as much money as he could get. And so Lila sat in her car next to her brother Evan, with her earphones in trying to block out any conversations her dad might be attempting. Of all the feelings she'd had over her 16 years, this was entirely new to her. It was a feeling of helplessness that washed over her at random moments, a feeling of sadness for what she was leaving behind, and a feeling of anger for having to move. The one good thing she kept telling herself over and over again was that she could start over new. Lila had made the decision that she was going to leave behind the girl who played in the band, was obsessed over grades and school, and didn't go out partying. She wasn't going to be irresponsible; she was just going to be different. Lila sighed. The car was now pulling off the highway, the budget truck not far behind.
Only when the car pulled to a stop in front of a grey house did she pull out her earphones. Lila untangled herself from her pretzel she had sat in for three hours, and stretched as she got out of the car. Her dad motioned for them to follow him, and she walked up the steps and through the front door into a small front hall. As her dad pointed out who got what room on the second floor, she was only listening for her name. And when she heard it, it was at the bottom of a staircase leading higher in the house.
"lila, your room is up here. You get your own bathroom and closet."
"How does she get this room?" Evan asked angrily. "She's the youngest and she had the biggest room in Cleveland."
"You're a senior, Evan. You'll be here one year. Besides, Lauren gets the smallest room, since she'll only use it when she comes home from college," their mom explained. This was the first good material thing to come from the move for Lila. She had been forced to leave behind her old, worn furniture and her nicely sized bedroom among other things. Deciding she should be a good daughter, she told her parents thank you. They clearly appreciated the gesture, probably hoping Lila would return to her normal, bubbly self. And I will, Lila thought. But not right away.

After all the boxes were unloaded into the first floor living room, everyone paused for a moment.
"when can we paint our rooms?" Lila asked. Ideas had swirled in her head of how her new room should look.
"You want to paint it yourself?" her mom said.
"yeah. Kinda. I think it would be fun."
"Well I had a meeting with an interior designer planned for tomorrow, but if you don't want to meet with her you don't have to. I'm meeting with her for parts of the house and my room, and if evan wants to meet with her too he can." Lila looked at Evan, hoping he'd take her side.
"I think I'm going with Lila on this one," he said. "Remember how I started hating my room after a few years? Those stripes got to me."
"Alright," their mom said. "It's your room now." lila and evan smiled, obviously relieved. Lila decided that she'd have a plan for her mom for tomorrow, but for the moment she just wanted to go to sleep.
"Was that someone's stomach?" Her dad asked. Evan nodded.
"I'm starving. Can we go eat?"
"Sure. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know any places around here. But something fast. I am tired!" he stated.
"Fine. Everyone back in the car," their dad ordered. As the drove along the street, they found a pizza place and sat down. Once they had ordered, Lila's parents started discussing the real issues with her and Evan, like school.
"we know that you guys have already switched schools once," their mom started. "And we know it's going to be hard to switch again. Especially in your senior year, evan."
Evan nodded. "I mean, it's not ideal, but I'll manage." Lila could not figure out where his positive attitude was coming from. She could only find random bright spots, and school wasn't exactly one of them. Her parents smiled. Suck up, she thought.
"It's going to be a little different this year. We have decided-" at this point, her mom turned to her dad, who took over. "we're sending you to different schools." Looks of complete shock crossed Lila and Evan's faces. They looked at each other. The only time they hadn't been in school together was the one year Lila was in 8th grade and Evan was in 9th and had gone to public school, where Lila had joined him the next year.
"What do you mean, two different schools? I thought there was only one public school and we'd be going to that," Lila said.
"Well there is, for our district. There's one public schools that is very widely known for its academics and sports. That's where Evan will be going." Evan, confused, smiled.
"But Lila is smarter than me. And she's athletic too. Where's she going?
"Yeah," Lila said. "Where am I going?" At that point, the waiter had decided to show up with arms full of pizzas and salads. After everyone had gotten their food, they dug in, except for Lila. "Where am I going?" she repeated. Once again, her parents shared a look. "You're going to A.D.M.A., the art dance and music academy."
"You're sending me to an arts school?" she asked incredulously. "Why?"
"We gave them recordings of your flute recitals. And we told them that you're a dancer. They offered to let you in."
"But my focus isn't on the arts! Weren't you guys the ones who were saying how much of a science and math person I am?"
"Well, think of it this way," Evan started. Lila put her hand up to stop him. "I want to hear it from them."
Another look was shared. "We decided that you were in your siblings shadow too much. You need a chance to be your own person and not have everyone know you as Evan's sister." Ironically, that was exactly what Lila had wanted. But it was always nice to have Evan there, to have someone you knew at your new school, someone you could talk to.
"So we're going to different schools," Lila concluded, trying to figure things out.
"Yes. And there is no fighting us, we've already decided and signed you up." Her parents had sounded so forceful that Lila had no choice but to eat her dinner. The rest of the meal was silent, and by the time Lila got back home, all she could do was curl up in her sleeping bag on her mattress and cry.


When Lila awoke the next morning, it was to the banging of boxes and music blaring. Figuring Evan was unpacking, she just let it slide. Managing to get herself out of bed, she sighed. After brushing her teeth, Lila decided to skip breakfast and work on a plan for her room. She already knew how she wanted it to look, the tricky part would be getting her parents to agree to it. It wasn't anything bad: a wall of various quotes, a chalkboard wall, a splatter painted wall and a wall that would be painted black and she could hang posters or paintings on it. To her, it seemed like a way to start over new. It gave her a feeling of reinventing herself- she would no longer have the room she designed back in second grade.


Five hours, multiple cans of paint and brushes and a few arguments later, Lila stood in her bedroom on the drop cloth that had been put down. She had insisted on doing this herself. Remembering how the lady at the store had taught her, she opened the can of black paint and poured it into the tray. She rolled a brush in it and then slowly put the brush to the wall.